Hawkeye Pierce quotes from M*A*S*H

Hawkeye

Would I do anything to disgrace this uniform?

Hawkeye

Three hours ago, this man was in a battle. Two hours ago, we operated on him. He's got a fifty-fifty chance. We win some, we lose some. That's what it's all about. No promises. No guaranteed survival. No "saints in surgical garb." Our willingness, our experience, our technique are not enough. Guns and bombs and anti-personnel mines have more power to take life than we have to preserve it. Not a very happy ending to a movie. But then again, no war is a movie.

Hawkeye

Hold it (puts his ear to Radar's stomach) I think I just found my wristwatch. Either that or he's giving birth to an alarm clock.

Hawkeye

I had a dream last night that I was asleep and I dreamed it while I was awake!

Hawkeye

Do you mind if we swim through?

Hawkeye

Ghouls? That's not a nice thing to call us vampires.

Hawkeye

Did you want to say something, Henry, or were you just hoping for a free tonsillectomy?

Hawkeye

Wendell, another word for "gooks" is "people."

Hawkeye

(with a stethoscope to the bomb) The ticker's very faint. Not the bomb's, mine. The bomb is ticking away loud and clear.

Hawkeye

(to Radar) One more word and I'll nail your tongue to your nose.

Hawkeye

(to Trapper) The three basic emotions are greed, fear, and greed. Frank Burns is crazy for money, he married for money, he became a doctor for money. If there was money in dying, he's thrown himself under a truck."

Hawkeye

[orders breakfast] I'll have two scrambled powdered eggs and a slice of World War II surplus bread, and don't make it tasty.

Hawkeye

We've been getting double-talk in triplicate.

Hawkeye

Hello, bed. It's Captain Pierce. Can you hear me? I'm coming in, bed. [He gets into his cot and tries to get comfortable] Morpheus, don't just stand there. I'm yours.

Hawkeye

[seeing that his patient is a baby] Boy, did his Draft Board go crazy.