There's nothing wrong with Klinger. I mean, he goes out with girls.
Must be stealing their clothes.
S2Divided We Stand
[orders breakfast] I'll have two scrambled powdered eggs and a slice of World War II surplus bread, and don't make it tasty.
What is that?
What is what, Frank?
Why is someone's appendix in my boot?
Because the other one is full of tonsils, Frank.
PSP.A. System
Attention all personnel. Colonel Blake, at 17:00 hours, will deliver his weekly lecture. Tonight's subject will be "Togetherness". The "togetherness" lecture will be followed by a talk on the perils of trench mouth.
Childish. Not childlike, with its connotations of innocence and joyous abandon, but childish. You delight in petty bickering, summer-camp capers, and in general, behave in a manner ill befitting officers in the United States Army, and members of the medical profession. It is, to some degree, understandable. You are, after all, only three miles from the front. You would not be the first people to crack under the stress of war.
I resent that, Captain. I, for one, have not cracked because of the war.
That's true, Captain.
Thank you, Pierce.
Frank showed up here cracked, with a Bible in one hand, and a pair of shorts that said, 'Hold Me' in the other.
These guys make a gin that can melt your dog tags.
It's from a recipe first brewed in Herman Goering's navel, and then handed down from war to war.
S25 O'Clock Charlie
You're out of uniform!
NNurse
Where?
How about my tent in five minutes?
I think it ill behooves us--
Behooves? What, are we in the cavalry now?
Who put water in my gun?
How do you know it's water?
S2Radar's Report
Sign this, soldier.
What's it say?
It says that I have examined you and found you to be a transvestite and a homosexual.
I ain't any of those. Where do you get off calling me that?
I think I got the idea from your cleavage.
Listen, all I want is a Section 8. You know what you can do with this.
Hey soldier. You forgot your purse.
Great little war we have here.
I could do without it.
S2For The Good of the Outfit
We've been getting double-talk in triplicate.
[After entering the Swamp] Pigpen. Brothel!
Here, sir!
Yo!
S2Dr. Pierce and Mr. Hyde
You were ordered to stand down!
I did, but I fell up again.
I guess he's just unstable. You see, he took this weird oath as a young man, never to just stand by and watch people die.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's M*A*S*H pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.