How do you manage to keep it [hair] so beautiful?
BDBrandy Doyle
Oh, simple...I give it the night off. (takes off her wig)
S10That's Show Biz
No offense, Miss Carlyle, but I've always been of the opinion that squeezing is a technique best suited to making orange juice, not music.
S10Identity Crisis
My Hebrew is a little rusty, but it gets the point across.
I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich.
S10Rumor at the Top
Well, as my Uncle Amos used to say, "Those who can't, manage those who can." One of his employees made that up for him.
I'd have to confess to myself, and I can be very harsh.
S10Give 'em Hell, Hawkeye
Hawkeye (writing a letter to President Truman): If you end this fiasco right now, I pledge to purchase all your daughter's inimitable records. Don't bother to deliver them. I'd love to pick them up on my way home.
(wounded soldiers are being brought into camp)
PAPA Announcer
Attention all personnel! Quit your dreaming, it's time for the nightmare!
S10Wheelers and Dealers
Grandma Mavis has a saying for everything. No wonder Grandpa Wilmer stomped on his hearing aid.
Now you gentlemens are new to the Army, or in other words, dumb. When you leave here, you will know this jeep like it was a kissin' cousin, and you will know the rules of the road so good that when you're dead, you will still qualify for a license.
S10Communication Breakdown
Charles (over the PA): Attention all vermin - that's giving you the benefit of the doubt - I have just discovered the untimely disappearance of my May 5 issue of The Boston Globe which has obviously been pilfered by some member of the pernicious race of lowlife which infests this pigmire. Furthermore, I consider no one in this camp above suspicion with the possible exception of that 80% of you who are incapable of reading the English language. Thus, I retract my previous magnanimous offer and none of you cretins will lay one slimy paw on any of my papers until the missing issue is returned! Thank you.
(to Charles as everyone leaves the mess tent after Charles enters)
Help yourself to some breakfast before us lowlifes steal it all.
Hell hath no fury like pernicious vermin scorned.
BBJ
Charles, you just put a whole shoe store in your mouth.
Winchester, just a hunch: Will Rogers never met you, did he?
S10Snap Judgment (Part 1)
Rosie, I need a favor.
RRosie
Five dollars.
I just wanna talk.
RRosie
OK, three dollars.
In order to have a criminal mentality, one must first have a mentality.
S10Snappier Judgment (Part 2)
Charles Emerson Winchester, defender of the downtrodden.
You do all the trodding, that's how they got down.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's M*A*S*H pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.