That is so Arizona!
S2 E11The Unbearable Blindness of Laying
GKGary Kazner
There's a uh, what are those things called?--A semi, a demi, a coupla'-dozen-wheelers.
I would never join a religion that restricted my diet. I don't want to get into heaven that way.
It seems the other eye compensates by shutting itself down. It's one of nature's wonders.
I'm not gonna be blind forever you know. And the second I see some ass I'm kicking it. Now no more making fun of my blindness.
Okey-doke. Bring! Bring! Phone for you, Hank [takes off shoe and gives it to Hank]
[Everyone laughs but Hank]
The joke's on you, funny man.
[Hank throws the shoe out of the room. Ladybird chases after it while dragging Hank with her]
S2 E12Meet the Manger Babies
OK Luanne, how do they get out of the closet? (gasps) Ohhh, No, that won't work.
(whispers) Jimmy the lock with a coat-hanger.
What? I don't... I can't... hmmm, what?
(whispers) Jimmy the lock with a... (sighs) uh, (out loud) I'll save you, Manger Babies.
You will?
Yes, uh, cause I'm the assistant manager of this movie theater. I sell popcorn and popcorn accessories and you are fired.
(as the Manger Babies) We're free, we're free, whoo.
Thank you, assistant manager. Me-how can we ever repay you?
By never forgetting this lesson. Sneaking into the movies is wrong. As wrong as spilling juice on a new carpet.
MMinister
Bravo, bravo.
You know Luanne really shouldn't waste this kind of talent on church. If you want, I could show this tape to my boss at channel 84. He's always looking for quality children's programming and home videos of things blowing up.
Well, Luanne really could use a boost right now, but I could not take advantage of our friendship like that, no.
Oh, Peggy, honey. This is show business. That's what friends do.
Suffering is a part of every religion, Peggy. I mean ... look at what the Jews have been through, and you never hear them complaining.
S2 E13Snow Job
Hey Vickers, who do you like for the Super Bowl next year? The Doopie Loopies or the Shimmie Shammies?
Hank and Buck laugh
VVickers
Okay, okay, very funny. But I like the Bills.
Hank and Buck laugh again
Got-dangit Hank, I'm having an infarction!
Buck has been hospitalized. Hank and the four Strickland branch managers visit him
BBuck
Listen up, we are a family, and the daddy ain't feeling so good. Ladies, I got a shot coming. If you girls would please step outside? It is rude for such pretty gals like you to have to see my bare bottom.
Female managers giggle and depart
BBuck
OK, now that the skirts are out in the hallway we can get down to business. Hank, you are my right hand man, and I need you to take on this important job.
Yes, sir?
BBuck
I need you to feed my hounds.
Uh, sir?
BBuck
Tell them that you will love them! Vickers, you run the company, whole shebang.
VVickers
Yes, sir!
BBuck
Let's see what that fancy business school degree of yours is worth.
Sir, I fail to see what a business degree has over my 15 years of service to Strickland Propane!
BBuck
I let you light the torch, didn't I? Right now my hounds are starving!
S2 E14I Remember Mono
Am I supposed to kill this pig?
S2 E15Three Days at the Kahndo
Here's key. Lock little sticky. You got to rake it like there's no tomorrow.
This is a car key.
Yeah, you win new car. This big game show. Just rake it stupid.
JJudge
You will pay the condo manager 8,000 pesos.
But if the key does fit then you must acquit--.
JJudge
10,000 pesos. Baliff, confiscate their identification.
Now just follow my lead and play it cool.
What if they find Kahn?
If I know my Mexican legal system, which I do, we'll get about 15 years with a starvation diet of moldy bread and warm water.
Distilled water?
(chuckling): No. And of course there is a total lack of toilet paper...and privacy.
Oh, God, I can't go while people watch.
Then let me do the talking.
BGBorder Guard
Morning. Where are you gentlemen from?
(voice breaking): Arlen, Texas.
BGBorder Guard
I've been to Arlen. Nice town.
Run!
I think we lost them. We'll be okay.
Okay?! We're screwed!
No, we're American. We got to find a pay phone and hope Ross Perot's 800 number's still working.
KKahn
Why you want to call that nut for? Border right there. Millions of people cross over every day. We can, too. No big deal.
Illegally? No! America is my country and I love her. I wouldn't enter her in any way that's unnatural.
We have no choice, Hank. The I.N.S. had their cameras trained on us. The border guards think we're smugglers. I'm too pretty to go to jail!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's King of the Hill pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.