TV show quotes
Town Hall
Where do I register to run for the zoning board?
Fill out this form.
Hank fills out form and submits it
When will the election be?
There is no election. There has been a vacancy on the zoning board for the past three years. The seat is yours.
We won!
No Bobby, Arlen won.
I don't need a babysitter.
Dammit, Dale. Turn that thing off!
I'm just testing my new sound card.
Dinner's ready! I hope you brought your appetites. We are having spa-Peggy and meatballs!
Did she say "spa-Peggy"?
Well, spa-Peggy is a lot like spaghetti. I'm not sure what Peggy does different - if anything. But it's the one dish she's kinda made her own.
"That makes a whole lot of sense... A whole lot of nonsense!"
Miz Liz! Two hot toddies!
[Answering a knock at the door] Use doorbell, you idiot. [Kahn opens the door and sees Joseph standing there] Connie, it's for you!
If it's Bobby, slam the door in his face!
Oh, I wish it was, so I could!
[about Connie] Connie, I rehearsed an apology but I'm gonna throw it away because nothing says "I'm sorry" like "I'm sorry." Connie, I rehearsed an apology but... [drops the piece of cake and sees her kissing Joseph out the window]
Boy, that little hillbilly pack quite a wallop. You want some neproxin?
No, I'm okay.
How did tall, dark, and handsome get butt-kicked by short, fat, and redneck?
[sighs and stares at Minh’s cleavage and kisses her]
Joseph? [Minh is laughing] What's going on?
Oh, you so cute. Kahn gonna get a big kick out of this.
Joseph? How could you? [throws a towel at him and runs away]
Sorry, I just... I thought you liked me.
Oh yeah. You rock my world [laughs]
[sees Bobby cutting the turkey] Oh my God, it's so juicy!
Sorry I'm late; I had to take three buses to get here: one to get here, one to go back and get G.H., and one to get here.
We are the Landry men! Fight, fight, fight!
[Hank and Peggy are looking at all the children at the Santa's Village at Bill's house.]
Rented snow machines, all these lights-- it's like a carnival. I wonder how Jesus feels about this.
It's Christmas and Bill's happy. I'll tell you how Jesus feels-- great.
[The Hills are trying to drive through the congested traffic on their street, when Dale knocks on Hank's window.]
Valet parking is five dollars. Valet of the Dale's is not responsible for lost or stolen articles.
Dale, I'm just going to park in my driveway.
That lot's full, but Bill says I can put overflow parking poolside at Luanne's house. [yells to Octavio, off-screen]
[Wally is looking into Luanne's yard over Bill's fence.]
Nice pool. What say we jump in and see what floats?
Just keep your beer cans off of my lawn. And quit trying to read my t-shirt.
[Hank approaches Wally.]
You lose something over here?
I am making a citizen's arrest for trespassing.
I don't think so.
Believe me, I've done it before.
[Wally holds up Bill's house key.]
Well, how did you get Bill's key chain? Okay, you're under arrest for theft, too.
He gave it to me. Now, get off our property, or I'll citizen arrest you.
Damn it, when Bill comes home...
[mockingly] "Weh Beh guh hum..."
What the hell are you doing?
"Whu de huh ur da doon?"
[Hank storms off as Wally's friends laugh.]
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