Peggy Hill quotes from King of the Hill

Peggy

Rented snow machines, all these lights-- it's like a carnival. I wonder how Jesus feels about this.

Hank

It's Christmas and Bill's happy. I'll tell you how Jesus feels-- great.

Peggy

[during "The Flowers of Time"] Hank, are you crying?

Hank

No, just watching the movie.

Dale

Hank, you're scaring me. What the hell is going on?

Hank

I'm okay. Please continue to look at the screen!

Dale

Hank Hill is weeping like a little French girl!

Hank

(outraged) You brought charcoal into our house!

Peggy

I didn't know what it was! Luanne asked me to hold it for her, I thought it was drugs!

Hank

There's soot under my boy's nails. You don't get that from a clean-burning fuel.

Bobby

Then you don't get the rich, smoky flavor either.

Hank

Shut your mouth! Now, we're going to sit here and pray.

Hank

Bwaaah!!!

Peggy

He's gay now, if that makes you feel better.

Hank

BWAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Peggy

Of course it doesn't.

Peggy

Uh-huh, That's right, Bobby. I believe you will find that I have no testicles. Where's your secret weapon now, huh?

She bluffing! Finish her!

Omega House appreciates a mother as dedicated as you.

You sound like an amazing person, I would love to get in your head. I bet you have many friends.

Peggy

Actually, no.

Well, people are often intimidated by those of high intellect. But you are a smart woman, no matter what your husband has told you.

Father?

Peggy Hill

Take your apple-

Dale Gribble

It's a Braeburn!

Peggy Hill

-And get out!

Peggy

Hank, there's something I have to tell you.

Hank

You did what?!

Minh! Come quick! Hank and Peggy having old-school red-neck domestic squabble on front lawn!

Hank

How could you, Peggy?

Oh, I bet she burn the meat loaf!

Hank

It caused what?

Why he point at his crotch like that?

Hank

20% shrinkage?! You want me to put a patch on my what?!

OK, this going in a weird direction now.

Hank

I still can't believe Bobby cheated on his paper route. I don't even know know how to punish that.

Peggy

Well, the pressures of journalism can be very intense, even I have felt it. But today, I really knocked one out of the park.

Hank

Well, good for you, what's the hint?

Peggy

Okay, get this. I combined two common items in a powerful new way. I told my readers to harness the cleaning power of ammonia with the whitening power of bleach.

Hank

Ammonia and bleach? You told people to mix ammonia and bleach?

Peggy

Only if they want bathroom fixtures that shine like the sun.

Hank

Peggy, that's the recipe for mustard gas! Arlen will be covered with a cloud of poison!

Peggy

BWAH!

Peggy, have you seen this morning's Bystander?

Peggy

No.

Nobody has. Channel 84 must have gotten tired of being scooped and stolen them all.

Peggy

Well, that's not quite the case.

I gotta hand it to them, this is a real step up from them toilet papering my lawn. Hey, we should go tear down their antenna.

Peggy

Roddy Rae, wait. Channel 84 did not steal our papers. I did. (hands Biffel a letter) I just wanted to write for the paper so bad, I didn't care where I got my ideas. Of course, the mustard gas one was mine.

"In conclusion, I was so busy trying to figure out how to remove the stains that I forgot about the people who actually create them." Peggy, have you heard of a newspaper called The New York Times?

Peggy

Apparently they have a very challenging puzzle.

You think they got their facts straight all the time? No way. Hell, half the time it seems like they're making it up as they go along. I don't need you for facts, Peggy. We got a fact checker for that. Actually, I guess I got to let her go in light of this mustard gas thing. But my point is you got a nice, friendly style, and in this business, well, that's worth more than facts.

Peggy

So, I'm not fired?

From your "Household Hints" column, yes. But you got a way of grabbing people's attention. I need that. (shows Peggy a picture of a goat eating a skirt) I've been wanting to run this photo since the county fair, but no one's come up with a good caption yet.

Peggy

"Woman Skirts Disaster." Come on, give me a hard one. (Biffel shows her more photos) Uh, let's see... "Hat's Incredible." "Jeepers Sweepers." "Pink Ink Stinks Rink." Hmm... wait, give me a minute. Give me a minute. Oh, "Hold the Mayor."

Hank Hill

Eh, what is this?

Peggy Hill

Song of Solomon.

Hank Hill

Isn't that a little PG-13 for church?

(After kicking down a wall Hank just finished making) "That was in my way!"

Peggy

It's okay. I'm here, you can go now. Go, go into the light. The light is good. You can just let go now.

Mr. Reaper, I'd prefer that you put your hood back on.

Peggy

Why won't you die?

This was supposed to happen to you. You're worthless. You're not even good enough to be married to my worthless nothing of a loser son!

Peggy

Enough! Your son has always loved you despite your constant torture. You want to die alone? Fine. You want to keep coming back and never die? That's fine too. In fact, I hope you do go on living forever as the unhappy person you are in the hell you have created here on this earth. I hope you live forever. I really do.

Oh, do you, now? (cackles, then dies as his heart monitor goes off)

Hank Hill

Stop it, Tom! It's all over! I know.

You know what, buddy?

Hank Hill

That you've been selling me a bag of lies for the last twenty-five years. How could you, Tom?

Well, what can I say, Hank? I'm a salesman.

Dale Gribble

Well, Joseph went to his first sleepover last night. Didn't go so well, he's a cuddler, so I had to go pick him up.

Peggy Hill

(Whispers) Oh, Hank! You must cover your tracks! We'll have to kill Dale!

Lucky

You really enjoyed yourself this evening, didn't you Aunt Peggy?

Peggy

(gasps) You know?

Lucky

Good for you. Happy Birthday Aunt Peggy.

Mr. Hill, your guilt hardly seems to be an issue. So we can move right on to the punishment phase, which, as a preview, will be severe.

Hank Hill

Indeed sir, I cannot begin to say how sorry I am.

Hello? Buck? Well, we are in the middle of a hearing...Like the one in 1984? Consortium members perk up OK then! hangs up Gentlemen, that was Buck Strickland. His "hospitality suite" is open.

Like the one in 84?

Mr. Hill, the board needs to adjourn to...uh, caucus about your case. You stay put.

Hank Hill

I will not move a muscle.

I am in my third term as President of the Propane Gas Consortium. Prostitute giggles

Peggy

All propane men make mistakes sometimes, including your husbands.

Well, now that everyone's got a pretty girl on his lap, I would like to discuss leniency for my employee, Hank Hill.

Setup! Everybody run!

Ray Roy, lock the door.

Now, you are all reasonable men. I think surely you can find forgiveness in your heart for old Hank, and it would be good to do it before your wives get here.

You win, Buck.

Get their hair done.

Mr. Hill, we had a chance to go over the case with your employer, Buck Strickland. He convinced us that while your actions last night were wrong; you are contrite about it, and that your actions over the past twenty years more than atone for it. He was very persuasive. As a result, the board has unanimously approved Mr. Strickland's nomination for membership in the Propane Hall of Flame.

Hank Hill

I am in the Hall of Flame too?

Congratulations, Hank.

Hank Hill

Thank you!

No, thank you, Ol' Top. All of propane owed you a debt.