Peggy Hill quotes from King of the Hill

Leanne Platter

I kicked your brother's ass and I will kick yours too, sissy!

Peggy Hill

Well, there's one thing you didn't count on. My brother has got size 6 feet, BUT I DON'T! HO-YEEEEAH!!!

Peggy

HAAAAAANNNNNKKKK!

Bill

CHUUUUUCCCCCKKK!

Buckley and Luanne are in there!

John Redcorn

I think I know why you're here. Your wife came to me with a headache. (Hank glares at him) A real headache. Her head actually hurt!

Peggy Hill

Mix pineapple juice and club soda, and you've got yourself a big bucket of crap.

Peggy Hill

You hear the expression "Lie like a dog" so much it is almost a cliché.

Peggy Hill

(contemptuously) Well, well, well Jo-hon Redcorn!

John Redcorn

Oh, Peggy. Nancy's headache's very severe this morning, um... must be the pollen.

Peggy Hill

Well, well, well.

John Redcorn

...Well.

Peggy Hill

Jo-hon Redcorn!

John Redcorn

(awkwardly) Pe-he-ggy Hill.

Bobby

[Bobby is presenting Jesus' miracles in the form of a magic show] Now, for my next trick, I'm gonna need a large wooden cross and a couple of volunteers...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Hank

[seeing the clouds in blue paint] Hey, that one looks like a propane tank; too! And you knoww what those little ones over there look like?

Bobby

Propane accessories.

Hank

Well, yes; but which one?

Bobby

A spatula.

Hank

Well, now you're just guessing! Peggy? [the screen cuts to black, names of executive producers appear]

Peggy

It's a grill brush.

Bobby Hill

(out of breath) Grandpa! Dad! Mom!... It was... it was ME! (remorsefully) It's all my fault! I ate the Lutefisk! I got sick in the bathroom! I lit the matches! I burned down the church! I let everyone blame Grandpa!...

I told you I didn't do it. Your boy is the Man with the Terrible Smell!

Hank Hill

(crestfallen sigh)

Peggy Hill

I knew it, I knew this was too good to be true.

Hank Hill

(sternly) Bobby, you are gonna march down that hall and tell the police everything. See if maybe they will spare your grandfather's life.

Bobby Hill

(resigned) Okay...

Nobody's goin' no place! Siddown Hank, Hank's Wife - (turns to Bobby) You too, Stinky!

Hank Hill

Hey, don't call him that!

(sarcastically) Oh, I'm sorry! Did I hurt your feelings, Stinky?

Bobby Hill

Grandpa?

It don't feel so good, does it? Well, get used to it, 'cuz that's what everyone's gonna call you if you go blabbing to the po-lice...Stinky!

Peggy Hill

He's right. Oh Lord, and there are other names, too!

Hank Hill

Yeah, how 'bout "arsonist"? That's what they'll be calling him in State of Texas v. Bobby Hill!

Peggy Hill

So many names...what are we gonna do?

You'll do what I say is what are you gonna do. Now get the cops in here. Tell 'em I'm ready to confess.

Hank Hill

No, Dad, you can't!

I'm an old man, everybody already hates me. But Bobby, he's just a child; he's got his whole life ahead of him!

Peggy Hill

(moved) ...Cotton, do you know what you're saying?

If I can take a bullet for my grandson, I'll do it. But not in the face; that's how I make my livings.

Hank Hill

How you make your-?

(interrupting) Send 'em in!

Luanne

Where is he? Buckley always did this to me. One time we were supposed to go see Color Me Badd and he never showed up. I was looking forward to that concert all week and when I told him, he just said "chicken beak." [pause] He better not be guardianin' some other girl. Maybe I should drop out of beauty school.

Peggy

What? Luanne, you have wanted to go to beauty school since you were six. You have wanted to graduate beauty school since you were twelve. If you give up on school, honey, you are giving up on your dreams. "Education is the sleeping pill that makes dreams happen." - Peggy Hill.

Peggy

Nice weekend, Bill?

Bill

BOTH of 'em!

John Redcorn

(bitterly) We did, once.

Peggy

Hank, is that my mother? I want to let her know to have all the ingredients for my brown betty, which I have made every year from 1976 until the year I die, inclusive. I will need margarine and not butter.

Is that Peggy? Tell her we use butter in this house!

Peggy

She got butter, didn't she?

Bobby Hill

Dad! Dad, the police are lookin' for you!

Hank Hill

(whispering to himself) Oh, god! Debbie's hippie roommate turned me in for smokin' narcotics!

Peggy Hill

Haaaank!

If you people are just about finished, I'll tell you who killed Debbie. (everyone sits down) Debbie's phone record showed she called Mr. Hank Hill a short while before her death, which means she was home at 6pm. Now, what would she have seen if she had looked out her window at 6pm, hmmm? (Luanne shrugs) Normally, she'd see Sheriff Mumford stuffing some Sugarfoot's ribs into his face. (Sheriff Mumford glares at Payton) But on this night, she saw Mr. Buck and "Miz Liz" Strickland entering the restaurant, (Buck and Miz Liz lovingly look at each other, holding hands) which, according to the Sugarfoot's reservation book, occurred at…

Bobby

(reads from the reservation book) 6:03, Mr., and 6:04, Mrs..

Seeing Buck and Miz Liz back together must've thrown that pretty little tank wipe into a jealous rage, so when she went down to Sugarfoot's, she—

Peggy

AH! Peggy's Sugarfoot's, at the time it was.

Yeah… The point is, she went there to kill Buck Strickland with the 12 gauge shotgun he had stashed in her apartment, (positions two slices of bread to represent a car and a dumpster, the scene fades to a flashback depicting the events leading to Debbie's death) so she climbed in the dumpster right next to his Cadillac to lie in wait. Now, sitting in a dumpster full of half-eaten barbecue can make you hungry…

(sniffs the scent of the trash) Hmmm… (cut to a convenience store across the street)

…and sure enough, (cut back to present time) Debbie went across the street to… the Get In Get Out. (winks to Sheriff Mumford, who keeps glaring at Payton, cut to security footage, depicting Debbie making a purchase with the rifle under her arm) According to the store's security video tape and a written deposition from Mr. Freddie Hakime, she purchased a Big Gulp and a 99¢ nacho plate. By buying them together, she saved 23¢. (cut back to present time)

Bobby

My God, that is one heck of deal!

When Debbie returned to the dumpster, (cut to Debbie walking past Buck's Cadillac with the rifle and snacks in her arms) she saw Mr. Strickland's car and assumed he was still there. (cut back to present time) What she didn’t know was that the Stricklands had already left together in Mrs. Strickland's car, having reconciled physically in a store room. And again, in the meat locker. (pan over to Buck cuddling with Miz Liz) And once more, in the slop sink. (cut to Debbie climbing back into the dumpster) She had difficulty juggling the three items as she attempted to negotiate her way back into the dumpster. She put the gun in first. She wouldn’t let go of that junk food. (cut back to present time) And that was the source of her demise, for as Debbie climbed into that dumpster, her foot accidentally tripped the hammer on the gun. (cut to Debbie, with the snacks still in her hands, climbing into the dumpster, the rifle suddenly goes off and shoots her dead, the impact of her body hitting the bottom of the dumpster causes the the cover to fall down and close with her leg sticking out, cut back to present time) So, Debbie Gund's killer… was Debbie Grund.

Peggy

Let's practice. I'll be Kahn. [clears throat] You are a dumb redneck!

Hank

That sounds more like Mihn.

Peggy

[still imitating Kahn] Well, leave my wife out of this hillbilly!

Hank

[chuckles] He, he. I wish they'd move.

Hank

Guess who's joining us for dinner?

Peggy

Dale and Nancy?

Hank

She already told you?

Peggy

[Surprised] Oh my god! Hank, I was joking!

Peggy

Dinner's ready! I hope you brought your appetites. We are having spa-Peggy and meatballs!

Did she say "spa-Peggy"?

Hank

Well, spa-Peggy is a lot like spaghetti. I'm not sure what Peggy does different - if anything. But it's the one dish she's kinda made her own.