I still can't believe Bobby cheated on his paper route. I don't even know know how to punish that.
Well, the pressures of journalism can be very intense, even I have felt it. But today, I really knocked one out of the park.
Well, good for you, what's the hint?
Okay, get this. I combined two common items in a powerful new way. I told my readers to harness the cleaning power of ammonia with the whitening power of bleach.
Ammonia and bleach? You told people to mix ammonia and bleach?
Only if they want bathroom fixtures that shine like the sun.
Peggy, that's the recipe for mustard gas! Arlen will be covered with a cloud of poison!
BBiffel
Peggy, have you seen this morning's Bystander?
BBiffel
Nobody has. Channel 84 must have gotten tired of being scooped and stolen them all.
Well, that's not quite the case.
BBiffel
I gotta hand it to them, this is a real step up from them toilet papering my lawn. Hey, we should go tear down their antenna.
Roddy Rae, wait. Channel 84 did not steal our papers. I did. (hands Biffel a letter) I just wanted to write for the paper so bad, I didn't care where I got my ideas. Of course, the mustard gas one was mine.
BBiffel
"In conclusion, I was so busy trying to figure out how to remove the stains that I forgot about the people who actually create them." Peggy, have you heard of a newspaper called The New York Times?
Apparently they have a very challenging puzzle.
BBiffel
You think they got their facts straight all the time? No way. Hell, half the time it seems like they're making it up as they go along. I don't need you for facts, Peggy. We got a fact checker for that. Actually, I guess I got to let her go in light of this mustard gas thing. But my point is you got a nice, friendly style, and in this business, well, that's worth more than facts.
BBiffel
From your "Household Hints" column, yes. But you got a way of grabbing people's attention. I need that. (shows Peggy a picture of a goat eating a skirt) I've been wanting to run this photo since the county fair, but no one's come up with a good caption yet.
"Woman Skirts Disaster." Come on, give me a hard one. (Biffel shows her more photos) Uh, let's see... "Hat's Incredible." "Jeepers Sweepers." "Pink Ink Stinks Rink." Hmm... wait, give me a minute. Give me a minute. Oh, "Hold the Mayor."
