Lane Kim quotes from Gilmore Girls

Lane

How are you doing, Kirk?

Kirk

Great. I'm loving this blackened Cajun bread Luke made for me. I didn't even ask for it.

Lane

It's burnt toast, Kirk. You don't have to eat it.

Kirk

But I'm loving it. And look, I've been mixing black ash with the runny eggs. Goes great with the fishy-tasting bacon.

Lane

So, what's going on in the world?

Lorelai

Nothing...

Lane

Nothing?

Lorelai

Good. Nothing good. There's absolutely nothing positive going on anywhere in the world. How could that be?

Lane

That's why I don't read the paper anymore.

Lorelai

You will mine. I am starting my own. The Good News Daily -- nothing but good news every day.

Lane

Sounds good.

Lorelai

"No civil war in Canada" -- big article. "Cars drive down road without incident" -- front-page news. "Puppies -- how cute are they?" In-depth exposé. And the subscription is free. How happy is that?

Lane

I'm in a better mood.

Lorelai

Hey Lane! Woohoo Lane! [Lane keeps walking] Woo Lane seriously, landing planes over here.

Lane

Lorelai, hey!

Lorelai

Hey! Fill me up here. [Lane fills coffee mug] So how's it goin'?

Lane

Good.

Lorelai

Good, I haven't seen you the last couple days.

Lane

I've been working the lunch shift.

Lorelai

Ooh - something wrong?

Lane

Wrong?

Lorelai

Yeah, you're, you're givin' me a Valerie Cherish, and 'I don't wanna see that' [both giggle awkwardly] It's a great show, you should watch it.

Lane

I will.

Lorelai

It's canceled.

Lane

Oh, sorry.

Lorelai

Well, it's your fault, so...

Lane

Very big. Unless it's a Waiting for Guffman thing and the label guys don't show up. Did I just jinx it?

Rory

I don't know. Let's do that unjinxing thing we used to do just in case. [grabs Lane's pinky] Jinx back, double pinky, round the side, double pinky, jinx back [With Lane].

Lane

I have some really really big news.

Rory

What?

Rory

You've become a shriner?

Lorelai

Rorys here!

Luke

She is?

Lorelai

Yea she's outside bouncing around with Lane.

Luke

How come she came home?

Lorelai

I dunno...bouncing lessons?

Lorelai

You won the Superbowl?

Mrs. Kim

Lane, I have something very upsetting to talk to you about.

Lane

Oh, what?

Mrs. Kim

It concerns the wedding night.

Lane

Oh, boy…

Mrs. Kim

Yes, oh boy. Marriage is a job, Lane. There are rewards that come with this job but there are also sacrifices. There are things you’re gonna have to do.

Lane

Things?

Mrs. Kim

Terrible things.

Lane

Momma, you don’t have to-

Mrs. Kim

You need to hear this! You need to know what to expect. It will start early.

Lane

What will?

Mrs. Kim

The man’s expectations. It starts early. At the wedding, actually. At the wedding you’re going to have to kiss him.

Lane

Momma…

Mrs. Kim

You’ll then be expected to share a bed with tonight, and when you’re in that bed, you’re expected to-

Lane

Momma, please-

Mrs. Kim

You’re gonna have to do it with this boy, Lane. You’re just gonna have to do it. Hopefully, if you’re lucky like me, you’ll only have to do it once.

Lane

Oh.

Rory

What was that all about?

Lane

Three complaints, two insults, and a hefty dose of religious guilt.

Rory

What are they doing now?

Lane

Oh, it's called the ritual of 108 bows.

Rory

It should be called 108 ows. Heh. My mother woulda liked that.

I had to get outta house. Stinks of kimchee and incense you can't breathe. There are buddhas everywhere staring at you

Lane

When did you start double dressing. And Avril Lavigne?

Avril Lavigne rocks! You are such a snob. If it's not Joy Division, you don't like it. Well, you can't dance to Joy Division!

Rory

Lane? Are you okay? Did the doctor say you have a parasite?

Lane

In a manner of speaking. [sighs] I'm pregnant.

Rory

You only did it one time, and — wow! — a baby!

Lane

That's what ya get, folks, for makin' whoopee!

Rory

And, already, you are way ahead of a lot of people as far as parenting skills go. Like, Britney? Britney Spears does not know which end of a baby goes up. And Courtney Love? She's no June Cleaver.

Lane

Yeah. I bet I could be a better mother than Courtney Love.

Rory

My sock drawer could be a better mother than Courtney Love. But, yes! Of course you would be. And, Michael Jackson? You know not to name a child "Blanket".

Lane

I do know that. Do not name your baby after an inanimate object.

Lane

I wonder if Blanket ever met Tom and Katie's baby, Pillow?

Rory

Yea that would be a perfect playmate.

Lane

When it's naptime they'd be totally set.

Rory

And then they could invite Gwyneth's Apple over for a little snack.

Lane

Banjo, Rachel Griffiths' baby could play for them

Rory

And then they could all jump into Mia Farrow's Satchel and make fun of...what's his face.

Lane

Oh Pilot Inspektor Lee!

Lane

Mom, I'm pregnant! We waited until after we were married. If you don't believe us we have a note from the doctor which doesn't prove anything but it's true!

Zack

Hit me! Hit me!

Zack

You can still be a person and you can still be rock and roll. Having babies doesn't mean you can't be rock and roll! Gimme a break... Sonic Youth has a kid and they're still way cool. And Mick Jagger. That cat has like 15 kids and he still goes out and rocks.

Lane

Yeah, I guess.

Zack

For sure. The man rocks hard. And then he comes home and makes another kid.

Lorelai

You may have kids who want to study the Bible.

Lane

Trust me, my kids are not going to want to study the Bible.

Lorelai

You don't know what your kids are going to want. Do you think your mom thought she was going to get a kid who loved Jane's Addiction? You might get kids who are nuts for Exodus, crazy for Deuteronomy and then what? You want them hiding their Bibles under the floorboards?

Rory

Wow, when did you get so mature?

Lane

Well, I think the maturity gene sets in when you become a mother.