Mrs. Kim quotes from Gilmore Girls

Dave

A few weeks ago you told me that Lane had a crush on me. Well, I have a crush on her, too. Now, I know you have very strict rules about dating and boys, but I just want you to know that I'm a good person. I don't smoke, I don't drink, I've never gotten a ticket, I'm healthy, I take care of myself, I floss. I never watch more than 30 minutes of television a night partly because I think it's a waste of time and partly because there's nothing on. I respect my parents, I do well in school, I never play video games in case they do someday prove that playing them can turn you into a serial killer. I don't drink coffee. I hate soda because the carbonation freaks me out. I'm happy to give up meat if you feel strongly about it. I don't mind wearing a tie. I enjoyed playing those hymns on my guitar, and I really, really want to take your daughter to the prom.

Dave

Mrs. Kim? Please don't make me repeat that list again.

Mrs. Kim

"Let never day nor night unhallow'd pass, but still remember what the Lord hath done."

Dave

Okay, thank you.

Dave

Did you hear what she said?

Lane

Yes, I did.

Dave

What did it mean?

Lane

I don't know.

Dave

Was it a yes, was it a no?

Lane

I'm not sure.

Dave

Well, it's gotta be from the Bible, right? So I'll just go home, do some research, look on the Internet, see what I can find. I'll call you when I know something.

Lane

You told me the Cookie Monster was one of the Seven Deadly Sins.

Mrs. Kim

Gluttony.

Mrs. Kim

What do you mean, Luke's out of town?

Lorelai

Ah, well, I mean... Luke's left town. He's gone far away from town. Town's there and Luke's over here.

Mrs. Kim

He's not coming to the wedding with you?

Lorelai

No.

Mrs. Kim

You mean, you're coming alone? Unescorted?

Lorelai

Well, Rory will be there, so.

Mrs. Kim

No, she won't like it.

Lorelai

Who won't?

Mrs. Kim

You can't come alone. An unmarried woman of certain age, unescorted, wearing the clothes you tend to wear. People will think things, bad things.

Lorelai

Like what?

Mrs. Kim

Like you're a tramp and possibly for sale.

Lorelai

Wow, suddenly Footloose is not seeming so silly.

Mrs. Kim

What are we gonna do?

Lorelai

Well, I guess first of all, we should agree on of a price.

Mrs. Kim

You'll have to find someone, who'll bring you. You have to find a man.

Lorelai

In one day? Are you kidding me? It took me this long to find Luke.

Mrs. Kim

My daughter wants you at her wedding, fine. But if you're to come, then you need to come with a man. [goes back into her house] And Kirk does not count!

Lorelai

[to herself] Lorelai Gilmore. Disappointing mothers since 1968.

Mrs. Kim

Lane, I have something very upsetting to talk to you about.

Lane

Oh, what?

Mrs. Kim

It concerns the wedding night.

Lane

Oh, boy…

Mrs. Kim

Yes, oh boy. Marriage is a job, Lane. There are rewards that come with this job but there are also sacrifices. There are things you’re gonna have to do.

Lane

Things?

Mrs. Kim

Terrible things.

Lane

Momma, you don’t have to-

Mrs. Kim

You need to hear this! You need to know what to expect. It will start early.

Lane

What will?

Mrs. Kim

The man’s expectations. It starts early. At the wedding, actually. At the wedding you’re going to have to kiss him.

Lane

Momma…

Mrs. Kim

You’ll then be expected to share a bed with tonight, and when you’re in that bed, you’re expected to-

Lane

Momma, please-

Mrs. Kim

You’re gonna have to do it with this boy, Lane. You’re just gonna have to do it. Hopefully, if you’re lucky like me, you’ll only have to do it once.

Lane

Oh.