[Taylor is on a crusade against birds "relieving themselves on helpless passersby".]
You get dumped on, Taylor?
It's not just me.
If anybody has a picture of Taylor being dumped on. I'll pay top dollar.
I'll check the Internet.
“Take the Deviled Eggs” · Season 3, Episode 6
In this episode: Taylor Doose (3), Rory Gilmore (2), Luke Danes (2), Babette (2), Lorelai Gilmore (1), Jess Mariano (1), Lane Kim (1), Kirk Gleason (1)
Taylor, all animals have to… you know. How are you gonna stop birds from doing that?
Easy. Put sharp metal spikes on the top of the fixtures, then when they land — pow! They're shish-kebabs.
That's cruel.
You can't do that.
AAndrew
I'd rather have bird crap fall on my head.
There it is — our new town slogan.
I like it.
I see coffee mugs, T-shirts.
Don't forget stuffed shish-kebabbed birds.
That moan when you squeeze 'em.
[Luke questions Gypsy about Jess's new car.]
He paid you for it, right?
GGypsy
Nothing's free at Gypsy's.
And he paid cash?
GGypsy
Mostly twenties.
Did you make sure Andrew Jackson was on the bills, not Alfred E. Neuman or someone?
GGypsy
Looked real to me.
Well, when he took the money out of wherever he had it, did a mask or a gun fall out?
GGypsy
No, but he was carrying it in a canvas bag with a big dollar sign on it.
Really?
GGypsy
No.
Good.
GGypsy
Guys are stupid.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey, Lane.
Hey back at ya, tough guy.
What?
Lane...
Something wrong?
No...
Yes! You have a car.
I know.
Don’t give me lip!
Lip?
Lane...
How’d you get the car, Jess?
I bought it?
Really, I thought you might’ve built it from parts left over from cars you’ve totaled.
What is your problem?
Don’t play dumb! You know what you did.
I gotta go.
Yes, drive on away, we’ll just keep walking. That’s all Rory’s been able to do these past few months – lots of walking. She’s got bunions because of you, mister!
Bunions?
I don’t have bunions.
She’s too nice to complain about her foot ailments!
Knock it off, Lane!
Just get in the car and go, Jess.
I didn’t start this.
Well, you started it when you wrecked Rory’s car!
Tell your friend to walk it off.
You walk it off!
I’m trying to DRIVE off!
Then go!
Geez, how Andy Griffith is this town that people get so excited by a car?
It’s not the car, it’s who’s got the car.
Okay, fine, you want it? Take it, I’m sick of this.
I don’t want this piece of junk!
Right. I suppose Dean is already building you another car, something really snazzy.
Shut up and go!
Gladly.
Let’s go.
Gladly!
[to Jess] Oh, and by the way, you left your bra in the back seat!
RReverend
The church is exempt from your town statutes, Taylor.
RRabbi
We answer to a higher authority… like the hot dog.
RReverend
I laugh every time you say that.
RRabbi
I know. Funny is funny.
Well, I can guarantee that God does not want this either.
RReverend
Did you hear that, David? Taylor Doose is in direct communication with God.
RRabbi
Thirty years I'm working for God, I haven't received so much as a card.
RReverend
Is it by phone that you speak with him, Taylor?
RRabbi
Do you have a God phone, Taylor?
Rabbi, please.
RReverend
What's he like? For us common folk who've never met him?
RRabbi
Is he short, is he tall?
RReverend
Does he like to laugh?
RRabbi
Is the whole shellfish thing really serious? Because, I gotta tell you, some of these Red Lobster commercials…
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Gilmore Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.