Lorelai Gilmore quotes from Gilmore Girls

Lorelai

Hey, maybe instead of going to college, you should drop out and I could quit my job and we can form an all-girl band with Lane, you know, like Bananarama. We could call it Tangerinarama or Banana-fana-fo-fana-rama. . .or something.

Lorelai

[on the phone] Hi, yes, I was at your auction yesterday and I was wondering if you could help me. I met a man there and I would like to contact him but I didn't get his name and I wondered if you could look it up for me. He was paddle number seventeen, and...Oh right, confidential, got it...Well, you know, actually, I misspoke earlier because this isn't a complete stranger I'm trying to contact here, he's an old friend from school...Good question. Well, I don't know his name because I only knew him by his nickname....Uh, Shamu. We called him Shamu. He was kind of a big guy in high school, but he's slimmed down quite a bit...No, see, I don't have time to contact the high school alumni committee because time is of the essence....See, Shamu and I went to a liquor store after the auction and we bought a lottery ticket together and we tore it and I took half and he took half, and I'll be damned if the thing didn't win!...Fourteen million dollars!....Really, but see, we have to claim it by four pm today or we forfeit....Ah, yes....Oh, well, but there's one more thing that I forgot to tell you. See, my blood type is o-negative and he's o-negative and I have a medical condition that....All right, then. Well, thank you anyway. Bye. (hangs up)

Lorelai

Come on, Rory. We will be going to dinner there next week and every week for the rest of our lives. And I mean the rest of our lives, because my parents will outlive us. The damned can do that.

Lorelai

My mother — she was here. I can feel it. Smell that? The room smells like guilt and Chanel No. 5.

Lorelai

It's dirty, that's what business is. It's smoke-filled back rooms with exposed pipes and shady players chewing on fat cigars and twirling their dirty mustaches. And when you go into those rooms, you can't be a milquetoast muppet. You have to have pointy teeth and jaws that snap. The meek shall not inherit the earth!

Lorelai

Marzipan's not candy! It's a unique substance unto itself, like Velveeta or plutonium.

Lorelai

So, Michel has been obsessed with these guests who he swears are the notorious bathrobe bandits from the Independence Inn. At least the moles match. So, apparently they were checking out, and Michel stopped them and demanded they open their suitcases, and they refused. So he grabs the guy's suitcase and starts tearing through all of his stuff, which, of course, went over really well. And when I got there, the wife was calling the cops and the husband was chasing Michel around with a golf club. It took a comped bill and two free bathrobes in addition to the ones they had stolen to get them to drop the charges. Plus, Michel ripped his pants, and his underwear's pink and shiny.

Lorelai

If it was physically possible to make love to a hot beverage, this would be the one.

Lorelai

I put my soul into this place. My heart. My liver. A couple kidneys

Lorelai

You know Superman's fortress of solitude? A jamacian beach compared to my mother's house.

Lorelai

Let her get all Condoleezza Rice to my Barbara Boxer if she likes.

Lorelai

Now whats on the agenda for today. I hear there's a shipment of plutonium coming in on the docks. And I thought we could dress up as nuns and you could fake a stigmata and you could put the plutonium under your habit...

Lorelai

I mean we're getting married, Luke. Married. You and me. Luke 'Table for one' Danes and Lorelai 'I'm sorry can I get an industrial forklift for my emotional baggage' Gilmore are getting married.

Lorelai

: Hey, check out this trick we just taught Paul Anka. Hey, Paul Anka. Pizza! [He barks.] Pizza! Pizza! [He barks twice.] Salad. [He sits quietly. Everyone laughs except for Luke.] Good boy, good boy.

Lorelai

We were gonna go to Atlantic City. We were going to sit at a Blackjack table at 11:59 and order martinis. We were gonna play 21 when she turned 21. Then we were going to buy 21 things. And there's a thing about 21 guys that wouldn't be appropriate since the engagement, but it was a good plan.