Bender quotes from Futurama

Prof. Farnsworth

[spoken] Now let's all of us shut up and sing!

Amy

[singing] He knows when you are sleeping,

Prof. Farnsworth

[singing] He knows when you're on the can,

Leela

[singing] He'll hunt you down and blast your ass from here to Pakistan.

Dr. Zoidberg

[singing] Oh,

Hermes

[singing] You'd better not breathe, you'd better not move,

Bender

[singing] You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude.

Fry

[singing] Santa Claus is gunning you down!

Prof. Farnsworth

Merry Xmas, everyone!

Leela

Why is Zoidberg the only one still alone?

Bender

Because he's a loser, that's why. He's the lobster equivalent of Fry.

Fry

Hey, I can any girl I want anytime I want! I'm just too busy.

Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient?

Bender

Shut up and get to the point!

Bender

Ugh... I think I got whiplash.

Leela

You can't have whiplash. You don't even have a neck.

Bender

I meant Ass-whiplash.

Fry

I'm just glad we hit something, I thought we'd never stop.

Flexo

Ugh... I think I got whiplash. [faints]

Fry

Bender?! You stole the atom?

Bender

I can explain: It's very valuable.

Flexo

I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep. That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker.

Fry

Whoa, whoa. Wait a sec. You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked. Shocked! Well not that shocked.

Bender

Congratulations, Fry! You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich, she probably has got other characteristics...

Leela

Bender! Romance isn't about money.

Bender

Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Please!

Leela

For your information, it's because he's hideous.

Leela

[seeing Sal meeting a prostitute] Bender, did you just round up our dates at the bus station?

Bender

Of Course Not!

Sal

Anybodys else for Nutley?

Zapp Brannigan

Baby, wait! You didn't show me your surprise.

Bender

Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance? Hmm. I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I -

$500 and time served.

Bender

[with a gold tooth] Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man!

Bender, honey, we love you.

Bender

Shut up, baby, I know it!

Bender

Everything worked out great thanks to good old Bender.

Leela

Come on! It's not like you intentionally set us up with bad dates so we'd spend Valentine's Day together.

Bender

Didn't I, Leela? Didn't I?

Leela

No, you didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money!

Bender

True. But, in the end, isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about?

Leela

Yeah.

Fry

I guess so.

[noticing Bender kicking the seat] Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat.

Bender

[copies something what he's saying] Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently...blah, blah, blah...

Yes, that's the gist of what I said. Would you mind?

Leela

Come on, Bender, let's hit the gym. I'm gonna teach you how to fight like a girl.

Bender

[vengefully] I'll put on my tutu...

Amy

Bender, you can't be an Ultimate Robot Fighter. It's the most brutal form of competition in the galaxy!

Bender

It is?

Farnsworth

There are no rules. Two robots enter, one robot leaves. Then later the other robot leaves after being declared the winner.

Bender

Well, that doesn't sound so bad.

Farnsworth

Oh, did I mention the crippling, agonising pain? I'm pretty sure I did. Oh, yes, definitely.

You loved him as Bender the Offender! Now get ready to hate him as he threatens your sexuality in his new persona ... The Gender Bender!

Bender

[girly voice] I'm a real toughie!

Squaring off this Sunday versus Destructor!

I will destroy you! [He hangs up then picks up again.] And stop calling me!

Bender

[Getting beaten up by Destructor] Thrown in the towel Fry. [Fry stands there] For God sake, Fry!

Fry

[Turns to reveal a brain-slug on his head] Errrrrr...

Hermes

[With a brain-slug attached] That's exactly what I was thinking.

Bender

Behold... the Internet!

Fry

My God! It's full of ads!