“Xmas Story” · Season 2
In this episode: Philip J. Fry (8), Bender (4), Turanga Leela (4), Zoidberg (4), Professor Hubert Farnsworth (3), Hermes Conrad (2), Amy Wong (1), Robot Santa (1)
[fed up of Bender's heckling] Listen pal, I may have lost my freakishly long legs in the War of 2012, but I still have one thing you'll never have: a soul!
Meh.
And freckles! [Bender bursts into tears]
You, a bobsledder? That I'd like to see!
Listen, you filthy crab! 1,000 years ago, there was a legendary team of Jamaican bobsledders.
Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics, then retired to promote alcoholic beverages.
A true inspiration for the children.
Dear God, they'll be killed on our doorstep! And there's no trash pickup until January 3rd.
Every Christmas my Mom would get a fresh goose, for gooseburgers, and my Dad would whip up his special eggnog out of bourbon and ice cubes.
Lets face it, comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy! Ha ha ha, that's funny.
This snow is beautiful. I'm glad global warming never happened.
Actually, it did. But thank God nuclear winter canceled it out.
I feel like a rat. Here I am whining like a pig while all along Leela is as lonely as a frog.
Excuse me, sir, you're snowboarding off the trail.
Lick my frozen metal ass!
Please let us live! We'll put out milk and cookies for you!
You dare bribe Santa!? I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds!
[the Planet Express crew are relaxing at the ski lodge]
It really puts you in the Christmas mood.
What-mas?
Christmas! You know, X-M-A-S.
Oh, you mean "Xmas"! You must be using an archaic pronunciation, like when you say "ask" instead of "axe".
Although, I could get 500 lizards for the same price. Girls like swarms of lizards, right?
Fry's outside? He's in great danger!
Why?
I'm telling you why! Because Santa Claus is coming to town!
You have all been very naughty! Very naughty indeed! Except you, Dr. Zoidberg. This is for you.
A pogo stick!
[spoken] Now let's all of us shut up and sing!
[singing] He knows when you are sleeping,
[singing] He knows when you're on the can,
[singing] He'll hunt you down and blast your ass from here to Pakistan.
[singing] Oh,
[singing] You'd better not breathe, you'd better not move,
[singing] You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude.
[singing] Santa Claus is gunning you down!
[Everyone cheers. Farnsworth takes off his lab coat, exposing himself again.]
Merry Xmas, everyone!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Futurama pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
