Bender quotes from Futurama

Bender

[gasps] That's no lady!

Damn, Chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle! Why you so stupid, stupid?

Bender

Hey, bite my shiny metal ass!

You couldn't afford it, honey! [snaps fingers and struts away]

Bender

What should we point it at first?

Fry

I dunno. Try it on me! [Bender points the F-Ray at Fry's body.]

Fry

Ow, my sperm!

Bender

Wow! Neat! Mind if I try it again? [He does so.]

Fry

Huh. Didn't hurt that time.

Leela

Hey, what's behind that door?

Nothing.

Leela

Is it the secret ingredient?

[singing] Grunka-Lunka-Dunkity-Dingredient!

Bender

[angrily] Okay, okay, we get the point!

Leela

I was just curious because of the armed guards.

[singing] Grunka-Lunka-Dunkity-Darmed-Guards...

Bender

SHUT THE HELL UP!!!

Leela

Are you alright?

Bender

Ah, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure.

Leela

Not you. [She picks up Nibbler and looks in his mouth.] Aww, poor baby chipped a fang.

Bender

Hey, I got a busted ass here, I don't see anyone kissing it!

Zoidberg

Alright, I'm coming.

Leela

Bender, I thought you were supposed to be cooking for this party.

Bender

Fine, we'll have rack of Nibbler!

Leela

Just make a simple cake, and this time if someone's going to jump out of it, make sure you put them in after you cook it.

Amy

Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet?

Bender

Well, step one: I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men?

Calculon

Give it to me straight, doctor. Don't sugar-coat it.

All right. Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiance crashed into your uninsured home, and you have inoperable cancer.

Bender

[laughs hysterically] Bet you didn't expect that one, Calculon!

Bender

Hey! What the hell are you doing with my head?!

Professor Farnsworth

I need to tinker in it.

Bender

Then why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry?

Bender

You guys realize you live in a sewer, right?

Perhaps, but perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you!

Leela

No. We're on the top.

Fry

Daylight and everything.

It must be wonderful.

Bender

Meh.

Fry

It's not like one vote ever made a difference.

Leela

That's not true. The first robot president won by exactly one vote.

Bender

Ah, yes! John Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree.

Prof. Farnsworth

But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver.

Morbo

Morbo will now introduce tonight's candidates... Puny human no. 1, puny human no. 2, and Morbo's good friend, Richard Nixon.

Hello Morbo, how's the family?

Morbo

Belligerent and numerous.

Good man. Nixon's pro-war and pro-family. [pulls a live baby out of his chest compartment and kisses it]

Great, first he steals my body, now he's touchin' my stuff!

Fry

You look different. Did you get a haircut?

Bender

No! I sold my body.

Prof. Farnsworth

Sold your body? Oh, Bender, I've been down that road. I know it's glamorous and the parties are great, but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skintight pants.

Leela

There's a political debate on! Quick, change the channel!

Bender

Hey, that's what Fry said when we turned on the debate.

[fed up of Bender's heckling] Listen pal, I may have lost my freakishly long legs in the War of 2012, but I still have one thing you'll never have: a soul!

Bender

Meh.

And freckles! [Bender bursts into tears]

Excuse me, sir, you're snowboarding off the trail.

Bender

Lick my frozen metal ass!