TV show quotes
Look, this vape pen isn't gonna smoke itself behind the gym. The "F" stands.
F? F? F? F? F?! F?! F?! F?!
[in Japanese] He's gonna lose his shit!
[Steve starts screaming]
Don't worry, Barry know what to do! [He grabs Snot's Zoloft, tackles Steve and dumps several pills in his mouth]
[slowly] Now it's just gonna take me longer to finish freaking out.
[reviewing Steve's script] This still doesn't feel like a guaranteed "A". Atlantic Ocean? Pacific's bigger. Steve's teacher will find that much more impressive.
I think maybe he'll care a little bit more about historical accuracy.
Uh... if I didn't care about historical accuracy, would I have stolen the actual Spirit of St. Louis from the Smithsonian?
What?!
The toughest part was convincing the guard I came in with it.
Why don't you come down to the yoga and meditation center with me? I think it could really help you learn to love yourself.
I love myself all the time. At least once in the morning, and usually right before I go to sleep.
Well, it sounds like your afternoon's wide open.
Yeah, we can go right after I jerk off.
Should should we turn on the TV?
I hope you guys are hungry, because I got us dinner reservations! We're gonna try something new and exciting. Sushi.
Geez, Francine, we just tried stromboli two years ago. Can you let us catch our damn breath?
Oh, please, Stan. You know I've been wanting to get more culture in our lives.
Culture? I thought you said you wanted more vulture in our lives. Fine, I'll go, but you'll have to figure out what to do with these gentlemen.
It's alright we've got tickets for the theater, and if we don't leave now, we shall miss the curtain. I'll have Marcus bring up the car.
Marcus is another bird.
I'm so nervous Hayley What if everyone notices me and calls me names? What if one of the names is Piss Head?
Roger, this place is about removing your anxiety. They love me, and they're going to love you too.
Okay. Welcome, everyone. I hope I'm not being too forceful.
You're fine I'm Chad, this is Gina, and this is a giant crystal. The three of us will be guiding you today. Oh, it looks like we have some new faces here.
Steve, what's gotten into you? Your skin is clear, your voice sounds deeper.
Oh, it started happening once I stopped touching myself all the time.
Funny. I find the more I touch myself, the deeper my voice gets.
Let's just say I hope Lindsay's call was monitored and recorded, 'cause it was sexy as hell!
Oh, Steve.
You sound just like Lindsay!
Ah, Saturday afternoon TV. Where the sneaky networks hide all the good shows. [changes channel] A guy with question marks on his suit yelling tax secrets at me. [changes channel] Rick Steves' Glory Hole in Europe. [changes channel] And of course, the secret final episode of Caroline in the City.
[Cut to Caroline carrying an axe covered in blood with a crazed look on her face looking at her other cast members brutally killed]
Now the city is mine!
[Stan laughs hysterically]
Still holds up!
Well, suck me off through a hole and call me Rick Steves, what is this?
It's Baywatch. You've never seen Baywatch?
You like this, Roger?
Franny, I like the smell of gasoline. I like to play with Stan's ding-a-ling while he sleeps. This... this I love!
Wait, wh-what was that second thing?
Where did you get a pregnancy test with sound effects?
At Spencer's Gifts.
Let’s call him Jeff. I’m starting to think Tristan is a gay lion’s name.
Santa has kidnapped Steve!
Steve Harvey? Santa's gone too far this time!
So you're really not here to foil my plans?
No, I swear! I was just trying to have a nice Christmas.
Then what am I hassling you for? [to his henchman] Cut his throat. But make it Christmas-y
You don't know anything about being a flight attendant.
But I do know comedy, and that's all that matters at Southwest.
With you there, people should check their sensitivities at the gate.
Oh my God, that's like a perfect Southwest joke! I want that joke!
I've been experimenting with steroids. It's awesome! Now I wear tank tops with the thinnest straps you've ever seen.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's American Dad! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
