Principal Lewis quotes from American Dad! ... TV Quotes Database

Played by Kevin Michael Richardson

10th most-quoted character in American Dad!: in 18 of its 929 quotes
Most scenes with: Steve Smith (3), Stan Smith (2)

Lines by Principal Lewis 6

Principal Lewis

Bitch, what are you crying about?! I was counting on that money! I can't go back to work now! I took a deuce on my desk! [Rips off his suit] Fuck. Y'all!!!

S7 100 A.D.

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Principal Lewis

Sweets, you killed my master!

S7 E4 The Worst Stan

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Principal Lewis

Kid's got shaky hands. His parents got a divorce because his mom got caught banging some black guy named THIS BIG MAMMA JAMMA RIGHT HERE!!

S7 E12 The Wrestler

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Principal Lewis

My strength comes from above!!

S9 National Treasure 4: Baby Franny: She's Doing Well: The Hole Story

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Steve (looking around fearfully): This is -- This is weird. I've never been up here before. Things are different.

Principal Lewis

Yeah, this floor went to hell after the mill closed. (as they approach the classroom door): And here's your new home.

(Steve looks inside. The students are your typical ghetto punks and street trash, chattering, making out, arguing, and stealing from each other)

Principal Lewis (as Steve continues looking inside): Society's given up on these kids. The school's given up on these kids. Their own children have given up on these kids.

Steve (fearfully): They're looking. They're looking at us. Y-y-y-you think they can read lips?

Principal Lewis (loudly): They can't read books! (cut to the ghetto kids glaring at Steve and Principal Lewis. Cut back to Steve and Principal Lewis, as Steve puts his arm through the door window to find that there's no glass between them): They're a bunch of dumbasses with no future.

Steve (gasps): There's no glass.

Principal Lewis (picks up Steve by the back of his shirt and hurls Steve in through the door window): Fresh meat! Ha-ha! (runs off and trips. Then gets back up and continues running): Lewis gets away again!

S13 Stan-Dan Deliver

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Principal Lewis

Cum laude, cum REAL laude.

S13 Garfield and Friends

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Scenes with Principal Lewis 12

Stan Smith

[picks up the phone] This is Stan Smith.

Principal Lewis

Mr. Smith, I'm afraid there's a problem with your son.

Stanley Smith: Oh, God, he's gay. This is it. This is the gay call. I've been ready for this for years. [takes out a vial and starts chugging down pills]

Principal Lewis

Uhh, no. It's just that he's gone mad with power. He evacuated the entire school and barricaded himself in my office.

Stan Smith

I see. [foam starts coming out of his mouth]: Henry, antidote.

S1 E1 Pilot

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Principal Lewis

Smith! What's the meaning of this?!

Steve Smith

Principal Lewis, I am taking your office. Pursuant to Pearl Bailey High Statuette 39-F, quote, "The Student Body President can acquisition any room on school premises for the purpose of conducting school business."

Principal Lewis

You can read! The school system works! [dejectedly] I'll be back for my stuff.

S1 E1 Pilot

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[the phone rings, a man picks it up]

MMan

Yes?

Principal Lewis

[seriously] I'm afraid we have some chocolate in our peanut butter.

S2 E13 Black Mystery Month

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Principal Lewis (introducing Hayley and Jeff to his house): Welcome to my home. As you can see, it is a shithole. But, it's a good arena for bonding activities and a constant reminder of what happens when you try to smack some sense into your lady.

Hayley

You're a marriage counselor.

Principal Lewis

Step one on your path to a happier marriage: you have 45 minutes to clean this room, but you can't talk to each other. Not one word. Trust me on this.

Hayley (to Jeff): Let's go Jeff. This isn't real.

Principal Lewis (draws a gun on her): It just got real, bitch! Now clean my house!

S6 E13 I Am the Walrus

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Principal Lewis

His eyes are red from smoking weed!

Steve

I really can't believe you're an educator, Brian...

Principal Lewis

Ehh... my job is really more administrative.

S6 E16 Jenny Fromdabloc

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Barry

YOU FUCKING FUCKERS ARE GONNA DO WHAT I SAY OR I WILL PUT MY GOD DAMN FOOT SO FAR UP YOUR ASSHOLE YOU WILL RUE THE DAY YOU CRAWLED OUT OF YOUR MOTHER'S TWAT!

Principal Lewis

Barry!

Barry [Starts Crying]: I made a swear!

Principal Lewis

Alright, that's it! We're NOT doin' daily announcements anymore. All of you just...GET OUT OF HERE! [slams door]

S7 You Debt Your Life

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[after kicking out multiple kids for out for screaming obscenities during the announcements]

Principal Lewis

Ugh, damn kids! [sighs] Sometimes I think I should have just stayed in Peru, moving coke. Machado was a cold bastard, but he was good to his men. And once you drew blood for him, you were set. Hooch, blow, girls! Not women, girls. [lasciviously] Little bitty things.

SSecretary

[opens door to the announcements room] Brian!

Principal Lewis [realizing that the microphone is still on while he was talking about rape with minors]: Oh, fuck me.

S7 You Debt Your Life

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Principal Lewis

[on answering machine] Hey, it's Lewis. I can never find the damn phone. [Principal Lewis starts frantically searching for the phone]

MMarguerite

[on the phone] Lewis, it's the hot tub. I did some research, man. It used to have a stripper pole in it. They banned it because some tubs, when they get struck by lightning, they come alive! The hot tub is alive, and it escaped from a mental institution, and did some rapes...

Principal Lewis

[who has been searching for the phone and found it in the freezer in the ice cream] What are you saying, Marguerite?

MMarguerite

[over phone still] I'm saying, the hot tub, is a murderer.

S7 E1 Hot Water

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SSuperintendent

It's come to my attention that you've been letting one of your students skip classes, miss tests and hang out in the teacher's lounge. I'm sorry, Brian. This is bad. I hate to say it, but...

Roger

You're fired!

Principal Lewis

Is that what you intended to say, superintendent?

SSuperintendent

That's what I super-intended to say.

Roger

Yay!

S7 E3 A Ward Show

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