[at the bowling championship]
GGreg
The excitement is palpable here. The stands absolutely packed with what I like to call "gutter people."
MSMemphis Stormfront
Ha-ha-ha, delightful bowing pun there, Greg.
GGreg
Bowling pun?
S13Next of Pin
[Stan absently confesses to Francine that he stabbed Steve]
You don't tell Steve about this, and I won't tell Klaus you're the one that broke his Dilbert mug.
[quickly agreeing] Okay, deal, deal.
[frustrated by the lack of interest by the police] You sound like the cops. They've given up on the case already too. To them, I'm just one more white kid who got stabbed in a bowling alley.
[as Stan starts to piece together the clues]
Since when is Steve smart? He's a jock.
[explaining his escape from the contest]
Molt & bolt, baby.
[searching for clues in his own stabbing] This dumpster is filled with weapons and blood-soaked hoodies. How am I supposed to find the ones that belong to my stabber?
This Taz-loving sicko must of really been obsessed with me.
DDetective
Whose kid is this? Who would let their kid see this?!
Is that why you were acting so weird?
Weird?! How?
Stabbing me comes to mind!
[takes the knife from Steve] You're just never gonna let me live that down, are you? Come on, look, getting stabbed is not that big a deal. See? Bop! [stabs himself] See? Nothing! [continues stabbing every time he says "bop"] Bop bop bop bop! No biggie. Do it in the back. Bop bop! I'm fine, see? Few more? Bop bop bop!
S13Standard Deviation
...and that was "Let's Get Lost" by Chet Baker, who either fell or was thrown to his death from a hotel room window in Amsterdam. I like to think he was thrown.
Stan (as he watches a YouTube video of a man spinning and scratching records): That's DJing? How am I supposed to learn that in two days?
Hayley (as she picks up a record featuring Roger dressed as a woman and suggestively licking a guitar): Not by playing Roger Goes Down on Lillith Fair.
Stan (woozily): What...what's going on? How'd I get back here?
You never left. You've been on a psychedelic trip for 24 hours.
But you were never alone. I saw to that, bro.
Dad, we only have 20 minutes to get you to the DJ battle.
So...I didn't beat Bullock.
No, Stan. You were just humming the Cheers theme song and shitting yourself.
S14Father's Daze
Damn, Steve! You wake up camera ready, lucky dog! Takes me hours to shake that “just woke up” look.
No time for what?
And your morning voice sounds clear as a sparrow! Me? Forget about it! No phone calls before noon.
Klaus, I have to get started on my dad’s present.
Damn, and no morning breath? Do you sleep with mints in your mouth?
[After Klaus exposes Stan's scheme to Steve, they are ready to catch him by surprise with it- but much to THEIR surprise, Stan is already in Steve's room]
Well, well, well.
Dad!
No. Looks like you got it all figured out.
W-W-Why are you doing this to us?
[imitating Steve's quivering to start off] W-W-W-W-W-W-W-why, why, why, why? Because you guys can't give me one decent day, no matter how many chances I give you!
Chances? What are you talking about?
RARadio announcer
[as the "alarm" Stan has set goes off at 5AM] Good morning! Rockin' Ronnie comin' at ya...
[opens his curtains, revealing snow on the window] Dad's been tricking us into reliving Father's Day every day for six months! [Hayley and Francine gasp]
[pissed off at this revelation] You brainwashed us?!
Oh, of course, make it about you! Well, since you won't remember this anyway, I'll get everything out of my system so I can wake up tomorrow without being so cheesed off! [sees Steve's lip quivering] Go ahead, Steve, cry! It'd be weirder if ya didn't! [Hayley gasps] Go ahead, Hayley, gasp. It'd be weirder if ya didn't!
Stan, enough!
[really losing it now] SINCE WHEN IS ANYTHING ENOUGH FOR YOU?!?! For the last 20 years, you just sit around and wait for me to bring home money. "I need rugs! I need bananas!"
Stan, stop before you say something you'll regret.
Oh, I haven't even STARTED! [as "Scatman" plays to block the dialogue, Stan unleashes a vicious and truly venomous speech about his family's faults; judging by the movements, he criticizes Francine for her pompousness and excessive alcoholism, Hayley for her near-incessant use of marijuana, and finally Steve for his immaturity and frequent masturbation]
It turns out the only thing that makes you a good dad is being a guilty dad.
Yeah! And that's the true meaning of Father's Day.
NO!!
That's just a character flaw!
Noticing my flaws... and my strengths. Is that the true meaning of Father's Day?
Dad, I'll explain it all in the back of that guy's pickup.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's American Dad! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.