Hayley Smith quotes from American Dad!

Hayley

[significantly fatter] Thank God we're going home. I think I gained the African 20. Seriously, I threw away more food than I ate.

Hayley

I think he might be the one! I mean, if he dumped me, I don't know what I would do.

Hayley

No, I think I'd go maximum crazy! I'd murder Bill... burn down the neighborhood... rape Roger!

Hayley

After we ran out of money, Jeff suggested that we prostitute ourselves. At first, Jeff was saying he was only going to do women, but then... that wasn't working out. So, long short story, Jeff's on butt rest, and we moved to the desert.

Hayley

[to Stan and Roger] Yeah, you guys should just f**k and get it over with. Clearly, you have repressed sexual feelings for each other that you're channeling into hostility.

Hayley

(She storms inside the bathroom and sees Snot having a bubble bath in the bathtub) I have had it, the worst luck, since I lost those panties.

Hayley

Oooh, my insides hurt. (brays like a donkey and passes out)

Hayley

Well, that was hotel sex. Still terrible.

Hayley

Jeez, Steve. Four gallons of Lubriderm?

Hayley

Winner, winner, weed for dinner.

Hayley

[sniffles] Sorry, toilet. I know you've been a vegetarian as long as I have.

Hayley

[explaining a television at the Treasury] That's a movie. That's where tweens go to get fingered.

Hayley

Roger, this place is about removing your anxiety. They love me, and they're going to love you too.

Stan Smith

Francine, you be careful when out there today; we're at terror alert orange! Which means something could go down somewhere in some way at some point in time, SO LOOK SHARP!

Hayley Smith

You know, Dad, it's great that you and your CIA buddies have made up some fun little way to keep the masses paralyzed in fear.

Stan Smith

You like shaving your armpits, Hayley? Huh? 'Cause if the terrorists take over this country, that's the first thing to go! [the toaster pops up its products and Stan quickly takes out his gun and shoots it numerous times, destroying the toaster and nearly the toast]

Hayley Smith

[staring at Stan in shock with the rest of the family] It's just toast, Dad.

Stan Smith

This time it was toast, Hayley...This time!

Francine Smith

It's okay. This one will be mine. [claims the shot-up toast]

Hayley Smith

Oh my God. Dad, why is Hilary Duff in our house?

Stan Smith

Hilary is here of her own free will because she wants to have dinner with Steve.

Steve Smith

Hilary, could you pass the salt?

Stan Smith

[holding gun to her head] Pass him the salt.

Hayley

Here's to Mom! She's finally cast off the shackles of domestic servitude and realized her potential as a smart, independent woman.

Stan:

Hayley, how would you like a punch in the face?