Klaus quotes from American Dad!

Klaus

Now here's your allowance: five bubbles. [blows five bubbles] Ah, what the hell--six bubbles. [blows another bubble and whispers] Don't tell your mother.

Klaus

Ja. Still German.

Klaus

[after Francine's scream shatters his bowl] Your family may have moved to Saudi Arabia, but I'm the real fish out of water! [laughs, then suddenly stopping] Seriously, I'm dying.

Klaus

There was a very famous Jewish girl who kept a diary. It... ended badly. But enough about Fran Drescher! [laughs] You thought I was making a Holocaust joke! [angrily] Shame on you!

Klaus

If that were a real Wish Bowl, it would be in the Ferrari of a 600-year-old Incan on the way to his job as Jessica Alba's G-string.

Klaus

[closing lines, after he is reverted back into a goldfish] I guess it's true what they say; once you're black, there's no going back.

Klaus

Ja. Your suit is stuffed tighter than, um, some funny German word. Uh, sorry. I'm kinda running out of fish shtick. [gasp] Oh, and just like that I'm back!

Klaus

That felt good. And I almost died of autoerotic asphyxiation, so I know from good.

Klaus

Never cry a whore, Steve. Never! [starts crying] Mama!

Klaus

Damn you, Hasbro!

Klaus

[to Roger, who is beaten and bruised after his encounter with the East German Mafia] Use your board. Use your board. (Roger scribbles down something on a small chalkboard and shows it to Klaus) "How cute is Daniel Day-Lewis?" (Roger's eyes roll up in his head as he passes out): Oh good. The morphine's starting to work.

Klaus

[talking to the new fish in the bowl] Hi, I'm Klaus. What's your sign? Pisces?

Klaus

[wheezes] Don’t look at me, whore, we both know what this is! It’s love, forever love! Agh! [cries] Stan! I didn’t see you there! Sneaky, the sneaky boy was what you are!

Klaus

These women are warriors. They live by the code of the ancient Amazons. A sisterhood who have each other's backs.

Klaus

"Seizure", my ass. You didn't have a seizure. You were probably texting someone a picture of your balls or something.