Crap, I must've grabbed the helium tank!
S9Love, AD Style
I just want to be as close to you as possible... Like John and Yoko... You're Yoko.
Amazing, Cool.
Here's my next car Francine, the new Hummie C.O.K. Guzzler. It runs on carbon, oxygen and potassium.
Oh, yeah. The chemical symbol for potassium is K. Boy, my chemistry's a little rusty, but wouldn't it run cleaner if they added another carbon molecule before the potassium? Then it would guzzle C.O.C.K.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Oh.
What.
Roger, Who ever is going to be a kid.
S9Killer Vacation
You sound smart like Hugh Grant the movie star, but you're stupid like Hugh Grant the person!
...that guy.
Well, that was hotel sex. Still terrible.
S9Can I Be Frank (With You)
No one's that perfect and farts that deep.
What.
I have equipped you with a mechanical voice box that will disguise your voice and make you sound like a man. I've also given you a micropenis, like most Chicago men.
The most beautiful for thing for you.
Husbands and wives are best friends.
As a married woman, your only options for a friend are: fat woman, cat, gay guy, or food.
S9American Stepdad
[Roger, Stan, Betty and Francine all hold hands]
God, are you there? It's me, Tom Yabo. [closes his eyes] I just wanna say thank you for sending me such an amazing woman and unbelievably generous to her. I mean, her giving to receiving ratio is like 3-1 minimum. Amen. So, Stan, how was work today?
[Betty hands him sweet potatoes]
Fun.
BBetty
Stan, you speak up and look at Tom when he's asking you a question.
[louder] It was fine, okay?! [spits out his sweet potatoes]
BBetty
Stan, I worked really hard on this meal.
Well, it's gross, and I don't like it.
Come on, champ. Give it another try.
SHUT UP, YOU'RE NOT MY DAD! [knocks over the table and walks out]
BBetty
Stan!
S9Why Can't We Be Friends?
[Stan looks at photos of him and Snot]
Oh, Snot. You were wearing your bathing suit as underwear that day. [puts it back in the envelope]
Oh, is that a letter for Snot? I'll mail it for you.
[hands Stan the letter] Thanks. This is my fifth letter to him. I hope this time he writes me back.
Doubt it. Snot's probably moved on with his life and I think it's time you did too. [hands him a net] Here, I signed you up for lacrosse.
Dad, I'm not a physical boy.
Well, now that Snot's not here to drag you down, you can do anything. Let's see what you can do with that lacrosse stick.
[Steve puts it on his head]
What are you doing?
Playing lunch lady. Pizza or sloppy joe?
[sighs] I am pissed off because you're doing that and now I want a sloppy joe and I know you don't really have one.
That patch of hair in the small of Snot's back makes me sick.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's American Dad! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.