That blonde outside of Walgreen's was getting signatures.
Come on, Hayley. Everyone knows blondes get more attention. Scientists have proven it, but their research was ignored because they were boring brown-haired scientists.
S12Blonde Ambition
S12Scents and Sensei-bility
You thinkin' what I'm thinkin', Snot?
We visit him in juvenile hall every month until he gets out and then we all move in together?
No! We take karate at his dojo.
Which we can use to get Martin out of juvie, brilliant!
No, Snot. I kinda just thought we'd do this new thing. Forget Martin.
[gasps dramatically] Did I like Martin more than you did?!
Sensei Tom is teaching Snot to fight with anger, so I need help harnessing mine.
[chuckles] Sensei Tom. Did you know he lives in his dojo?
Well, you technically live in yours.
Lesson Two-- don't worry about where I live. You're not an angry boy, Steve, so there's nothing to harness, but that's okay, because people who fight with anger are sloppy. You're gonna fight with cold, calculating technique!
You're ready. Now make me four more.
But the tournament is in twenty minutes!
Don't worry about time. Let me worry about time.
Shit! Shit! Dammit! We're so fucking late!
Stan, you're never getting back in!
DDeliveryman
I got a delivery for Klaus Heisler?
Ooh, hello! I wonder what it is? Oh, it's big. It's so big. And it's all for me! What could it be? Maybe a giant aquarium? Maybe it's a lifetime supply of fish food! [slyly] Or maybe it's Stan, Francine, and Hayley. All right guys, truce. Welcome home.
He's opening it! It's working!
[offscreen] Oh no! NOT THE KITTIES AND THE BIRDIES!
[over Klaus's yelling] Once they've taken care of Klaus, the house will be ours again!
I killed them! I KILLED THEM ALL! DO YOU HEAR THAT, STAN!?!
HAH! NICE TRY!
S12Big Stan on Campus
(during the student protest)
SStudents
Camp Sec sucks! Camp Sec sucks! Camp Sec sucks!
Stan (countering): It's all good! It's all good!
S12Now and Gwen
Face to neck. Hand to lower back. Pec to boob? I don't know shit about hugging.
[drinking cocaine in her coffee]
We're so goddamn rich this is how we drink our coffee!
S12Dreaming of a White Porsche Christmas
[Stan wakes up on Christmas morning]
Honey? Where's my morning B.J.? [Francine is not in bed with him] I have to get my own breakfast juice? [gets out of bed] Some Christmas.
S12LGBSteve
These women are warriors. They live by the code of the ancient Amazons. A sisterhood who have each other's backs.
[Hayley informs Iris that she's straight]
IIris
Straight, huh? Not getting that from you.
S12Morning Mimosa
[Steve is playing his video game]
Steve, I asked you to set the table 10 minutes ago. Dinner is ready.
But I'm on level 15.
Well, I'm on level 1 of the house, where I cook for you. Now set the table.
I didn't ask you to cook for me.
Excuse me.
Mom, I'm busy. I'll do it in a minute. [Francine unplugs Steve's game console] NO! IT DIDN'T SAVE! IT DIDN'T SAVE!! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??!!
I was thinking... go set the table!
Fuck you!
[Francine gasps, then Klaus gasps, then Hayley gasps, then Roger, doing some gymnastic moves in the attic, stops in mid-air]
Whoa.
[in the dining room, Stan and the family are admonishing Steve for his behavior]
Steve, I'm very disappointed that you used that language with your mother. That being said, I'm more excited for dinner than I have been in years.
You did a very bad thing. You know who had to set the table tonight? Me.
What are you talking about? I set the table.
Well, I would have been next in line and I did not like it.
Didn't you do my laundry?
No. What you said is something you don't say to your mother. So you must not think of me as a mother at all. So from now on, you're on your own. Mommy-free. Sans mommy. You ain't got no mama.
What's that, Francine? I think you dropped a challenge. And I'm picking it up, 'cause I can do everything you do for me, laundry, cooking, telling myself I'm a big handsome boy.
[opening the fridge to look for food] Where the hell are the leftovers?
[turns on light] Looking for something?
[seeing Barry eating his mac and cheese omelettes on the dining table with Francine] Barry? You're eating the leftovers?
Maybe you can have his leftovers.
We both know that's not gonna happen.
No dinner meant no dinner.
I didn't come down here for food. I'm down here for the crisper drawer. [He gets the crisper drawer and puts it in front of his face] I'm building a fort and it needs a window.
[Suddenly, Steve's stomach begins to grumble]
You sound hungry.
I'M HUNGRY TO FINISH MY FORT!
[during dinner with the family as Francine is preparing the mac and cheese omelettes] Hey, where's mine?
You didn't ask me to cook for you, remember?
But it was the heap of the moment, and...
[cuts off Steve] Steve, you really hurt my feelings. Part one of your punishments is I'm ignoring you. Part two is no dinner.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's American Dad! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.