American Dad! quotes

527 total quotes

'Stan: I can't do this its like shaking hands with a cat.

Amusement park guard: Throughout the day he was with nine other families in nine different outfits, the rights to which I doubt he owns.

Angry Mobster: I'm gonna break the fat one's spine!
Barry: I'm popular.

Avery Bullock: Once again, C.I.A. body-doubles are for work purposes ONLY, people. Using your double to finish making love to a Jet Blue stewardess - because you were too drunk - is a definite no-no! [Glances at Saunders] Saunders...
Saunders: Did you blab? Why'd you tell people?
Saunders' Double: C'mon, it was my first sloppy seconds!
(Stan's Phone Rings)
Stan: Hello?
Francine (V.O.): Stan! Hayley and Jeff broke up!
Stan: So? She breaks up with Jeff at least every other week.
Francine (V.O.): You don't understand! This time, he broke up with her.

Barry: Steve, help Barry!

Bernie: Hello, line one. You're on with Bernie.
Caller: You son of a bitch. I'm gonna kill you.
[Bernie's eyes widen. Reveal that Stan is calling Bernie as he's having dinner in front of the TV]
Stan: I'm gonna finish this meatloaf, get on a plane to Toronto and shoot you in your lying face.
Season 5

Bullock: Stan, this is Coco.
Coco: [to Stan] Got any cigarettes?
Stan: Uh, no.
Coco: Then go suck it.
Bullock: [to Stan] Isn't she great?!

Coco: [to Stan] I'm bored. Get me a movie.
Stan: Where am I gonna get a movie around here?
Coco: You're supposed to keep me happy. Or do I need to call Avery?
Stan: Fine.
Coco: Something with Matthew Perry.
Stan: Got it. Fools Rush In.
Coco: Something good!
Stan: Got it. Nothing.

Coco: I'm going to go soak it in your tub. [takes off her top]
Klaus: And just like that, I'm gay.

Debbie: Let the Nerdy one go...the scrawny nerdy one...the scrawny nerdy one with glasses...Steve.

Francine: Have f-fun, you two!
Hayley: Don't worry, we will!
[Stan, dressed as Bill, his body double, and Hayley drive away.]
Hayley: 'Cause we're finally going all the way!
[Stan looks increasingly uncomfortable.]
Hayley [rapping]: Doin' it, doin' it, d-d-doin' it! Should we break for lunch? Nope! Let's keep doin' it, doin' it! Someone's at the door! I don't care! We're doin' it, doin' it! Wanna put on our hikin' boots? Yeah! We'll wear 'em while we're doin' it, doin' it!
Hayley [sing-song]: I like the rhythm, it is my method.

Francine: Have you ever been beaten naked in a gym shower, Stan? One day, when I was showering after gym class, these mean pretty girls caught me and kept scrubbing me all over with soap. I mean, they didn't miss a spot! And even though we were all wet and naked and slippery, they were still able to get me on all fours, and shove my face to the floor! Can you imagine, Stan?
[Stan is sitting on the chair, drenched in sweat from arousal with his coat covering his lap]
Stan: How'd they catch you again?

Francine: I'm not ready for Steve to make the change. He's gonna have man breath, and his poops won't smell good anymore.

Francine: Stan, have you been eating the cookie dough again?
Stan: Why, is there still some on my face?
Francine: No.
Stan: Then no.

Hayley (after revealing a Ghostbusters 2 tattoo on her chest): I gotta stop smoking salvia at the body paint shop.