[Krusty is doing a lecture on clown pants]
Okay, we'll start off with baggy pwha –? Those are supposed to be baggy pants. BAGGY!
Ohh! I've never had a pair of pants that fit this well in my life.
“Homie the Clown” · Season 6
In this episode: Homer Simpson (4), Krusty the Clown (4), Fit-Fat Tony (2), Ned Flanders (1), Louie (1), Legs (1)
[Krusty is doing a lecture on balloons]
These Krusty brand balloons are 3 bucks each. Get a cheap one, and what happens? Goes off! Takes out the eyeballs of every kid in the room! What's that gonna cost ya? [to his accountant] Hey, Bill, what'd that cost us?
Now, when the wealthy dowager comes in, the party's over, right? Wrong!
[throws pie into dowager's face; her head cracks the wall]
[takes notes] Kill, Wealthy, Dowager.
AAccountant
[incredulous] Let me get this straight: you took all the money you made franchising your name, and bet it against the Harlem Globetrotters?
[miserable] Oh, I thought the Generals were due!
[On the TV, a Globetrotter is spinning the ball as Generals players hover uncertainly around him.]
[screaming] He's spinning the ball on his finger! Just take it! Take the ball!
[The Globetrotter kicks the ball into the net behind him.]
That game was fixed! They were using a freakin' ladder, for God's sake!
[Homer is using a pickaxe to punch holes in the hood of his car]
Whatcha diddly doin', neighbor?
I'm puttin' speed holes in my car; makes it go faster.
Is that so? Well, gee, maybe the old Flanders mobile could use-- [Ned is shot, falls to the ground] Agghh! [gets back up] Wow, lucky I always keep a Bible close to my heart and-- [Ned is shot again] D'a-oh! [gets back up] Ho-ho-hoh, lucky I was wearing this extra-large piece of the True Cross today. I think I'll go inside. [runs with Bible. A bullet hits the pickaxe causing the head to spin]
What keeps doing that? [to a limo]
I told you we should have bought more than three bullets. Lets just grab him.
[Homer has been abducted by the Springfield mafia on the mistaken basis he is Krusty, who owes debts.]
But wait, you can't kill me for being Krusty. I'm not him! I'm Homer Simpson!
The same Homer Simpson who crashed his car through the wall of our club?
Uh... actually my name is Barney. Yeah, Barney Gumble!
LLegs
The same Barney Gumble who keeps taking pictures of my sister?
Uh... actually my real name is uh... think Krusty, think... Joe Valachi!
The same Joe Valachi who squealed to the Senate Committee about organized crime?
[While being lead into the mobsters club]
Benedict Arnold!
LLegs
The same Benedict Arnold who plotted to surrender West Point to the hated British?
D'oh!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.