[drunk at Moe's] Here's to Marge! And all the blissful years I've spent hiding from her in this bar!
MMoe
Yeah, yeah, you got a wife, I got a rash! Who cares?!
“Dumbbell Indemnity” · Season 9
In this episode: Homer Simpson (11), Moe Szyslak (8), Bart Simpson (2), Marge Simpson (1), Barney Gumble (1), Clancy Wiggum (1)
MMoe
It's been four years since my last date with a whatchoo-call-it, uh, woman.
MMoe
No girl wants to end up with a Joe Pukepail like me.
Now, now, I won't hear of it, Moe! You're a fabulous catch!
MMoe
Oh yeah? Well how come I ain't fending off movie starlets with a pointy stick?
Oh, it's probably due to your ugliness, but that doesn't mean we can't find you a woman. C'mon! We're going to the darkest bar in town!
Don't give up Moe. The girl of your dreams has gotta be in some bar.
MMoe
[upon hearing his player's club card is maxed out] Well, that's it. It's over. Renee ain't gonna want to hang around with no Joe pinch-penny.
Come on, Moe. Think of all the things you have to offer her besides money.
MMoe
[beat] I need cash, and lots of it!
Why don't you sell your car?
MMoe
Ah, my car ain't worth nothing, but it is insured for five grand. Homer, you gotta steal the car for me and wreck it.
Steal your car? I can just imagine what Marge would say.
[in thought balloon] Homer, I insist you steal that car.
I'll do it!
Well, Dad, in the meantime, here's a carton of smokes you can use to buy stuff. [gives the box of smokes to Homer]
Aw, thanks, boy. I'll give you two packs for that candy bar.
Three.
[turns red in anger] Why, you little- [angrily strangles Bart]
Guard! Guard!
MMoe
Hawaii here we come. Ananakooli, Makawani, Ana-ona, Nanawula Wa, Hawaii...ha
Hawaii? What about Hawaii? Moe? Who's going to Hawaii? Am I going to Hawaii?
Stop saying Hawaii in there.
[scooting a cart of books to Moe's Tavern with his right leg] Must kill Moe. [holds onto the cart, riding along happily] WHEEE!!! [goes back to scooting] Must kill Moe. [holds again] WHEEE!!!
MMoe
Homer! Thank God! You gotta help me!
[picks up a flaming 2x4] Oh I'll help you...help you die!
[emerging from the bathroom to see Homer and Moe unconscious] Moe! Homer! [screams as he sees the fire heading towards the counter] Aagh! The booze!
MMoe
Oh, Homer! I've been the world's biggest rat. Can you ever forgive me?
Aww, I could never stay mad at you, Moe. After all, you get me drunk!
Hey, I thought your mother told you to take a bath!
Yeah, mom says a lot of things.
Oh, I understand, kids. I'm not a bath man myself, more of a cologne man.
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