Lisa Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Bart

Cool, a lie detector.

Bart

Lisa is a dork. Lisa is a dork.

Lisa

Dad, make him stop.

Homer

Hmm... According to this, he's telling the truth.

Homer

[notices Maggie who has been turned into an anteater] Maggie! [Lisa, turned into an eagle, swoops down, grabs Maggie with her claws, and tries to fly away] Lisa! [grabs Lisa from her legs, pulls her down and releases Maggie]

Lisa

[defensively] We were just playing.

Homer

What game?

Lisa

[sheepishly] Let's eat Maggie...?

Lisa

[as an eagle] So, how do you like being a walrus, dad?

Homer

[as a walrus] It's great! I haven't been this skinny since high school!

How ya doing?

Homer

[drunk] Talky thing, ain't ya?

Lisa

Another proud moment for the Simpsons.

Bart

[mockingly at Lisa] Ha Ha. They left without you.

Lisa

They left without you too, you idiot.

Bart

If I'm such an idiot, how come I'm the smartest kid in third grade?

Lisa

Because you've already done it once.

Bart

You've lost me.

Lisa

Hey... how do we get home?

Bart

No problem. We'll just circle around like those kids in the Blair Witch project.

Bart

I must be getting close. [points to Lisa] I recognize that girl.

Homer

Well, if Bart can be 'El Barto'...

Oh, if only I had your courage, sénor.

Homer

Thanks [realizes what he just did] Ahh! Oh, God! [Paints frantically to cover it up]

Lisa

Dad, you're getting paint all over your wedding ring.

Homer

Oh, right. Here, hold it. [Hands the ring to Lisa]

Lisa

Dad, this is a Band-Aid wrapped in tin foil.

Homer

[Ashamed] My real ring's inside a turtle.

Marge

I don't think this was a great place to bring the children.

Lisa

It still beats Disney's California Adventure.

Sideshow Bob

Hello, Bart.

AAAHH!! Sideshow Bob!

Sideshow Bob

Oh, come now, we have been through so much together. Just call me Bob.

AAAHH!! Bob!

Lisa

[gasps] Dad's headed straight for the Museum of Swordfish!

Marge

That museum's been nothing but trouble since it opened.

Lisa

Dad! I figured it out! [opens a piece of paper] The murderer is--

Homer

I know! Frank Grimes Junior!

Lisa

Huh? [looks down at the paper, where she has written the name "Bumblebee Man"] Precisely. [crumples the paper and kicks it away]

Howdy, pardners! My name is Sheriff...

Lisa Simpson!

I sure am hungry for my favorite food...

McNuggets!

Lisa

I don't like McNuggets! I'm a vegetarian!

Homer

Still? Well, then you're not gonna like your other present.

Why, it's my best friend...

Maggie!

Lisa

Huh?

Bad news, Sheriff...

Lisa Simpson!

Some Indians took all the...

McNuggets! Mmmm... McNuggets... [drools]

I'll get those no-good Indians, just as sure as my favorite book is...

Magazines! [snores]

Wake up, Dad!

Huh? Wha?

Lisa

There are perfectly logical explanations for everything that happened. The bonfire sent soot into the air, which created rain, and with all the trees cut down a flood was inevitable.

Bart

Yeah, but what made the rain stop?

Lisa

I don't know. Buddha?

Lisa

Why did you wake me up!? I dreamt I was at the Kennedy Center honors.

Marge

Well, here's another low rated annual event. Spring cleaning!

Marge

Bart, you're suing us?

Bart

Yes, I wanna be emancipated.

Homer

Emancipated? Don't you like being a dude?

Lisa

No, Dad, it means Bart would be a legal adult and free to move out of the house.

Marge

I wanted a sewing room, but not like this. Not like this!

Bart

Mom, you've always been cool to me, but Homer is a lousy dad and I'm not gonna take it anymore.

Homer

Hey, my dad was lousy and I didn't sue him. I just dumped him in the cheapest home I could find.

Hey! My IV is empty, and my catheter is full!

See you tomorrow.