Lisa Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Bart

There was no burglar. I accidentally burned up the tree. And the presents. I'm really sorry.

Lisa

Why you little-! [Runs over and starts strangling Bart]

Homer

Lisa, no! Your hands are too weak! [He strangles Bart]

Homer

Singing is the lowest form of communication.

Marge

Homer, you sing all the time.

Homer

No I don't, I hate to rhyme.

Lisa

You like musicals, don't you Dad?

Homer

No, I don't, I think they're bad

Bart

Wake up Dad, you're singing a song

Homer

I wouldn't, I couldn't, I hate that stuff

Marge

Now Homer, listen, I've had enough

Homer

Carnies took over our house, you've gotta help us!

Chief Wiggum

Well well, look who it is, Mr. No Bribe. Sure, we'll help you, just sit down and wait for Detective Like I Give A Damn.

Homer

Thank you so much.

Lisa

Uh, Dad...

Homer

Honey, daddy's waiting for the detective.

Marge

We can't just give up on our house. There's got to be a way to get these guys out of there.

Bart

I say we set fire to the house, kill them that way.

Marge

We don't want to kill them, we just want our home back!

Lisa

Well... if we did set fire to the house-

Marge

No fires!

Homer

I've got it!

Marge

No fires!

Homer

Aw!

Marge

There must be a way to outsmart them.

Homer

Uh, you can't outsmart carnival folk. They're the cleverest folks in the world. Just look at the way they sucker regular folk with those crooked games- That's it! Fire!

Marge

I've never heard of these Movementarians. Are they some kind of church?

Homer

Who cares what it is? The point is that these are some decent generous people that I can take advantage of.

Marge

But what if they try to talk us into something?

Homer

Marge, Marge, Marge. Remember when those smooth-talking guys tried to sell me a time-share vacation condo?

Marge

You bought four of them! Thank God the check bounced.

Homer

So I beat the system.

Lisa

Watch yourself, Dad. You're the highly suggestible type.

Homer

Yes, I am the highly suggestible type.

Lisa

It's wonderful to think for ourselves again.

Bart

You said it, sister.

You are watching Fox.

We are watching Fox.

Wendell

Ow, I can't breathe! Please stop him!

I'd like to, but I'm afraid he has diplomatic immunity.

Lisa

Point of order, if we want to learn anything, we must respect--

Bart

Point of "odor," Lisa stinks.

Hey, leave her alone.

You leave her alone.

[singing] O, Canada

Order, order! Do you kids want to be like the real U.N., or do you just want to squabble and waste time?

This is all Lisa's fault! She had the idea of that stupid UN club!

Lisa

Hey, Martin seconded the motion. It's entirely his fault.

People, people, let's not blame each other. We all know this is Milhouse's fault.

Lisa

All we could find are these oozing berries, and they look pretty poisonous.

I eated the purple berries.

Bart

How are they, Ralph? Good?

[collapsing in pain] They taste like burning.

I finally got around to reading the dictionary...turns out the zebra did it.

Homer

I don't get it.

Lisa

Dad, the zebra didn't do it, its just a word at the end of the dictionary.

Homer

I still don't get it.

Lisa

It's just a joke.

Homer

Oooh! I get it! I get jokes. [Laughs]

Krusty

Have you noticed how there are two phone books: a white one and a yellow one. What's the deal with that?

Lisa

One's residential, the other is business.

Krusty

Oh. Well, that makes sense. But what will they think of next? Blue Pages?

Marge

We have those. They're government listings.

Lisa

I'm strongly opposed to Proposition umm 3-3-0-5...

You're against discount bus fares for war widows?

Lisa

You bet I am!

Lisa

[on TV] I'm supposed to be talking to you today about Proposition 3305...

Homer

Moochin' war widows!

Lisa

Wow. Dad was a good speller?

Grampa

Oh, your dad used to be as smart as a monkey, then his mind started gettin' lazy and now he's as dumb as a chimp.

Lisa

Grampa!

Grampa

Hey, I am too. And your brother's coming along nicely. Look at Bart's homework. Back when he was your age, he was as smart as a chimp. (opens up a box labeled "Bart". On top of a stack of homework is a paper of Bart's from the second grade, with a smiley face and the words "Great Work!" written next to it)

Lisa

This is just two years ago!

Grampa

That's right. Then the Simpson genes kicked in! (leafs through the paper like an animator's flip book. The smiley faces on the corners gradually turn into frowns and eventually, the skull and crossbones)

Lisa

What a whimsical building. Who says science can't be fun?

Bart

Me. I smell a museum.

Homer

Yeah, good things don't end with -eum, they end with -mania, or –teria. Will there be beer?