“Girly Edition” · Season 9
In this episode: Lisa Simpson (3), Homer Simpson (2), Bart Simpson (2), Mr. Burns (1), Waylon Smithers (1), Principal Skinner (1), Grampa Simpson (1)
May I inquire as to how you are differently abled?
Oh, I'm not handicapped. I'm just lazy.
Sir, helper monkeys are only for the physically challenged or enfeebled.
Enfeebled? Ooooh, I know just the guy. Be right back.
[Homer walks out of the Animal Assistants Store with Mojo the Helper Monkey and Grampa Simpson]
Oh, son, this monkey's gonna change my life.
Mind if I take him for a ride?
Sure, I'll just stand here.
[Homer and Mojo get in the car and drive away]
Mmm, I can't wait to eat that monkey.
Lisa, Channel Six is launching a children's news program, and they've asked me to select an outstanding student to be anchor child.
[Gasps] Oh my god! Today's top story, little girl on cloud nine as dream comes true.
Lisa, I've selected you to be that child anchor.
I know, I already jumped to that conclusion.
Alright, if you're so smart, tell me who I selected to be lunch room monitor?
Me?
[beat] Take your sash and go.
[Bart has aired a segment of "Bart's People" featuring the man that fed the ducks, but they left to the other side of the pond]
[sniffling] Smithers, do you think maybe my power plant killed those ducks?
There's no maybe about it, sir.
[sniffling] Excellent.
They want sentiment? I'll pump 'em so full of sap they'll be blowing their nose with a pancake!
I'll show Lisa who's dumb.
[He picks up newspaper]
Supreme Court reverses...uuuhh, I won't turn to the comics, I won't turn to the comics! All right, I'll read one comic just to get me rolling. Archie. "Hey, Jughead, did you hear, the Supreme Court reversed"...ooohh!
Hmm, thank you Bart, for yet another touching "Bart's People". Now,turning to...
I just think our veterans deserve a little recognition.
That's what Veteran's Day is for, Bart.
But is that really enough to honor our brave soldiers?
Eh, heh, heh...they also have Memorial Day.
Oh, Lisa, maybe you're right, maybe you're wrong! The important thing is, veterans deserve a day to honor them!
[through clenched teeth] They have two!
Well, maybe they should have three. I'm Bart Simpson.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
