“Like Father, Like Clown” quotes from The Simpsons

Krusty

[voice-over] My father was the most respected person in the Lower East Side of Springfield. People would come for miles around to ask his advice.

Rebbe Krustofski, should I finish college?

Yes. No one is poor, except he who lacks knowledge.

Rabbi, should I have another child?

Yes. Another child would be a blessing on your house.

Rabbi, should I buy a Chrysler?

Could you rephrase that as an ethical question?

Um... is it right to buy a Chrysler?

Oh, yes! For great is the car with power steering and dyna-flow suspension.

Krusty

Didn't Itchy Jr. look happy playing with his father? And didn't Scratchy Jr. look happy playing with his dad until they got run over by a thresher? Wasn't that a beautiful cartoon? [pause as Krusty looks absolutely broken, with quivering lips, blood-shot eyes, and a thousand-yard stare, before he breaks down sobbing] Ah, for the love of God, cut to a commercial!

Lisa

Here you go, Bart. It's a long shot, but that's all I can do without learning Ancient Hebrew. [Bart looks at Lisa in expectation] Bart! I am not going to learn Ancient Hebrew!