Bart Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Bart

There was no burglar. I accidentally burned up the tree. And the presents. I'm really sorry.

Lisa

Why you little-! [Runs over and starts strangling Bart]

Homer

Lisa, no! Your hands are too weak! [He strangles Bart]

Homer

Singing is the lowest form of communication.

Marge

Homer, you sing all the time.

Homer

No I don't, I hate to rhyme.

Lisa

You like musicals, don't you Dad?

Homer

No, I don't, I think they're bad

Bart

Wake up Dad, you're singing a song

Homer

I wouldn't, I couldn't, I hate that stuff

Marge

Now Homer, listen, I've had enough

Bart

But I can't go out dressed like this! What if someone sees me?

Marge

You're just going to our backyard, no one will see you.

[off-camera, as Bart opens door] HA-

Marge

[pointing towards door after Bart closes it] Mmmm!

[still off-camera] -HA!

Cooder

Hey, you lost your money fair and square! I didn't scam nobody!

Homer

[laughing] Put down your stick. We're here to work.

Bart

Starting today, we're carnies, just like you.

Cooder

Well, in that case, let me show you how I scammed you.

Cooder

[Explaining the ring toss booth] The main thing is to bring in the rubes.

Do whatever it takes. Sweet talk, insults, slang from the '30s that no one uses anymore.

Bart

Like "rubes"?

Now you're on the trolley.

Chief Wiggum

Word around here is your game is crooked.

Homer

And how!

Chief Wiggum

Well, perhaps we can come to an "understanding". [holds out his hand]

Homer

I understand.

Bart

Uh, Dad?

Homer

Not now, son. Daddy's talking to the policeman.

Chief Wiggum

Let me put it to you this way. I'm looking for my friend, Bill. Have you seen any Bills around here?

Homer

No. He's Bart.

Chief Wiggum

Okay, let's try this again and watch as I wink each time. The man I'm really looking for, wink, is Mr Bribe. Wink, wink.

Homer

[pause] ...It's a ring toss game.

Chief Wiggum

All right, That's it, I'm shutting this place down.

Homer

What ain't that nothing?

Cooder

Our game, our home... What happened here?

Bart

Cops took it.

Cooder

Why didn't you bribe 'em?

Homer

I tried, but the opportunity never came up.

Marge

We can't just give up on our house. There's got to be a way to get these guys out of there.

Bart

I say we set fire to the house, kill them that way.

Marge

We don't want to kill them, we just want our home back!

Lisa

Well... if we did set fire to the house-

Marge

No fires!

Homer

I've got it!

Marge

No fires!

Homer

Aw!

Marge

There must be a way to outsmart them.

Homer

Uh, you can't outsmart carnival folk. They're the cleverest folks in the world. Just look at the way they sucker regular folk with those crooked games- That's it! Fire!

Lisa

It's wonderful to think for ourselves again.

Bart

You said it, sister.

You are watching Fox.

We are watching Fox.

Wendell

Ow, I can't breathe! Please stop him!

I'd like to, but I'm afraid he has diplomatic immunity.

Lisa

Point of order, if we want to learn anything, we must respect--

Bart

Point of "odor," Lisa stinks.

Hey, leave her alone.

You leave her alone.

[singing] O, Canada

Order, order! Do you kids want to be like the real U.N., or do you just want to squabble and waste time?

Bart

[to Lewis] I guess this is the end, Wendell.

[pointing to Wendell, the white kid] He's Wendell, I'm Lewis.

Bart

Well, whatever. Just tell Wendell I said, "Bye."

[taking an orange out of the cooler) Hey Simpson, race ya!

Bart

[taking an apple out] First one to the front of the bus gets Martin's lunch money.

Martin

What?

Bart

Go apple!

Go orange!

Go banana!

Lisa

All we could find are these oozing berries, and they look pretty poisonous.

I eated the purple berries.

Bart

How are they, Ralph? Good?

[collapsing in pain] They taste like burning.

Krusty

Uh-huh. Charity, eh? What's my cut? Nothing? I make more than that takin' a schvitz. Hey-hey, happy birthday. Now get 'em outta here.

He seems reluctant.

Bart

Tell him it will count towards his community service.

Krusty

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. All right, I'll do it. [groans] Boy, swipe one pair of Haggar slacks and you're payin' for it the rest of your life.

Homer

Heh heh heh, from now on, I'm gonna be just like Krusty and tell it like it is. Marge, you're getting a little fat around the old thighs!

Bart

Dad!

Homer

You too, Bart!

Marge

Oh, knock it off, Homer; you're the fattest one in the car!

Homer

[shocked] You didn't have to tell it like it is, Marge.

Marge

Oh, look! This is the perfect chance to get you kids some nice church shoes!

Bart

What do we need church shoes for, Jesus wore sandals.

Homer

Well, maybe if he had better arch support they wouldn't have caught him.