SpongeBob SquarePants · Season 7
[Plankton unplugs SpongeBob's ear drum]
Let me see what I can tune in here. Hmm.
The secret of the Krabby Patty formula is-
Jackpot!
Huh?
I said-
Could you speak a little louder, please?
The secret to the Krabby Patty formula-
What?
Hold on.
Here it comes!
[shouting into a megaphone] THE SECRET TO THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA IS...! [The shouting causes Plankton's ears to pop]
OW! I hate my life!
Enough with these petty carnal senses. If I'm going to get the Krabby Patty recipe...[he arrives at...] The brain!
[Snickering evily, he sticks one end of the mind connector to the brain and absorbs some of it]
Hi, friend! [he gasps as he saw "Superficial Greetings" on the brain] "Superficial Greetings"? What kind of idiot...? [sees the parts of the brain] -"Personal Opinions"? "Knock-knock Jokes"?! No, no, no, no! This is all useless!
Oh, no! Did somebody call the Health inspector?
Did somebody call a... Health inspector?
[opens his front door from his house and breathes in and out happily] Another beautiful Sunday in Bikini Bottom. Nothing can ruin my good mood today! [closes the door and starts walking happily]
[looks out of his window, rushes downstairs, and opens his own front door] Good morning, Squidward!
[walks by] Ignoring, ignoring! La la dum. La la dee. La la doo. [cha chas down the street until he steps on a gum] Wah! [hits the head on the ground] Chewing gum!? That's disgusting! [pulls his foot away but the gum stays on his foot] Oh, come on! [tries pulling it off with his hand but it gets stuck, then tries both of his hands but they get stuck, then he pulls harder but his head gets stuck. Then uses head and hands but gets even more stuck. He struggles but he gets completely covered in gum. He then screams angrily, blowing a bubble that bursts the gum and Squidward gets covered in gum. Tries to get it off again and it turns into a bow-tie and he gets it off] People who litter really bug me! [throws it away. Laughs] Litterbugs. [laughing] Litterbugs! [continues laughing]
[SpongeBob sees little puffy fish being sold by a peddler, and becomes enticed by them and decides to get one of them for Gary]
I'll take that one right there!
You wish to have one of my rare and extremely dangerous... huh?
Oh yeah this is the one. [picks one of them]
Beware, boy, this is no ordinary pet!
Oh, Gary's gonna be so happy!
You must understand. These pets can be very unstable. especially around other pets!
[She proves this by showing a picture of a cat next to another puffy fish, who snarls at it.]
[obliviously] Yeah, yeah, yeah, thanks, bye. [he runs off]
Why bother? They never listen.
Ahh. I can rest so peacefully, now that Gary's got a good pal they could play with.
[Just as he goes to sleep, Gary bursts through the door, scared and meowing in alarm, causing him to wake up with a start.]
Gary! Shame on you! [takes Gary back in the living room] Puffy Fluffy is perfectly harmless. [he takes the blanket off, revealing what he thinks is normal Puffy Fluffy] See there he is fast asleep. Now will you let me sleep, Gary, please? [sets Gary back on a small green bed and covers him with a small blanket] Good night. [goes back to bed]
[After SpongeBob wakes up and notices the damage to the house, thanks to Puffy Fluffy]
Hmm, that's interesting. Must have been a sea quake last night. Oh, well, what are you gonna do? [opens the galley door which falls over] That's unusual. WHOA! [sees the library which is a total wreck] My library! [gasps] And my prized memoirs of T.S. Halibut! [gasps] My clothes! [picks up his torn pants] This was no random sea quake. Who could've done this? There was no one here except for... [mistakenly realizes something] ...Gary. I bet he's jealous about the new friend.
Hey! [flips over box] Where's the toy?
Oh, it doesn't come with a toy.
What!? That's a rip off! I want my money back!
[Scene cuts to Mr. Krabs taking a money bath]
[wakes up] Money back?! [walks out of office with towel wrapped around him] What's the problem here?
My Kiddy meal didn't come with a toy!
Hmm. And you'd like to upgrade to the toy package is that right?
Mr. Krabs, the Krusty Krab doesn't have any toys.
Oh, really? [takes Krabby Patty away from customer] Then what do you call?... [fixes Krabby Patty] this? [The Krabby Patty now has eyes, legs, a mouth, and arms made from kitchen ingredients; Patrick and SpongeBob gasp]
An officially licensed Krusty Krab toy? [smiles]
Uh, I'm not home right now! Please leave a message! Beeeep...
Patrick, it's me! SpongeBob! It's my turn to play with the toy!
I can't go out! I just washed my hair!
You don't have any h-come out, Patrick! It's MY turn!
Got any ID?
I have my milkshake dispenser operator license.
[looks at it] Looks fake to me pal! Bye-Bye now!
Well, I guess I had best be going! [Pretends to walk away] I'm walking away...Here I go... [quietly] I'm gone now. [hides on Patrick's antenna]
You sure?
Pretty sure.[Patrick comes out, he jumps at him] Hi, Patrick! Time to SHARE!
DECEIVER! You didn't leave at all!
Oh, and you were washing your hair!?!
I was too, see? [shows his armpit hair]
[Surprised] Gary was so right about you! You're a non-sharer!
Gary said that? You're off my friend list, Gary!
Meow. [turns and slithers back into SpongeBob's house]
Hand it over, Patrick! I get to play with the Patty Pal today!
You can't take it, It's not fair!
How about I take it for half a day?
Mm-mm!
How about we trade off every hour?
Mm-mm!
Every half hour?
Mm-mm!
Every fifteen minutes?
Mm-mm!
Five minutes?
Mm-mm!
One minute?
N-n-no!
Okay then, for our final offer we trade off every second!
[They pass Patty Pal back and fourth every second]
One.
One.
One.
[Pause, Patrick runs off while SpongeBob tears himself angrily]
AVAST THERE, LADDIES! What's all this ruckerus about now?!
It's our Krabby Patty toy, Mr. Krabs! And Patrick ate it, so that I couldn't play with it!
SpongeBob won't let me play with it!
Only because you hogged it all night!
I did not!
Did too!
Nuh-uh!
Oh, you toy eater!
Tattletale!
Whoa, whoa, whoa there, now! Settle down! All this brawlin' is over a toy?! You two shouldn't let a little trinket get between youse! You should be ashamed of yourselves. If I gave each of ya another toy, would that make you happy?!
...Yes.
Well, you're in luck! You two seem so thrilled with the toy, I had an entire case of 'em made!
Lad, you're surrounded by stingy wisdom, so try to pick up some pointers. But whatever you do, don't lend anyone money!
[lending money to another crab] 25, 26...
Order up, SpongeBob! [walks to SpongeBob]
SpongeBob, what do you think you're doing? You're supposed to be fry cooking. I told you not to touch my stuff!
I didn't! I wore protective gloves! And besides, don't you like how classy it look now?
Velvet..
Now I'd like to stand by and idly chat with you, Squidward, But I must attend to my Krusty Krab duties! In the future, please keep your interruptions to a minimum sir, please!
Hey, come back! I need my clarinet! Come back! Where are you? [bumps into an eagle's head]
I am the keeper of the horned forest, state your business here.
Uh, I'm trying to find my clarinet.
Your clarinet?
Yes, my clarinet! Which I am the proud owner.
[laughs] A clarinet is not owned. Why don't you tell me why you're really here?
You calling me a LIAR?!
[grabs Squidward with his tongue] I don't appreciate your tone.
I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend you.
This is a sacred place where clarinets live without persecution. You need to learn respect.
[Eagle squeezed Squidward tightly; loosely] I've learned respect...
I don't believe you. [swallows Squidward and he ends up in the stomach, Squidward sees SpongeBob]
Hi, Squidward! You wouldn't believe what I had to go through to get here.
Hey, what happened? Why are those squiggles on the screen?
Those are called "End Credits", Patrick.
End credits? But I don't want it to end!
That's why Neptune gave us the rewind button! [pushes a button]
Thank you, Neptune! [The screen goes back to the beginning and zooms in before the episode ends]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's SpongeBob SquarePants pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
