Huh? The Krusty Krab, she's empty! All hands on deck! Batten the front doors! Brace the cash register! Break out the happy snacks! Squidward, where have all me beautiful paying customers gone?
Apparently, the two barnacle-mouth brothers just learned a new word, and SpongeBob just said it over the intercom.
Well, what was it? What did he say?
Uh, he said, uh, well, he said... [whispers the word]
Huh? [Squidward whispers the word again; gasps and enraged] SPONGEBOB AND FRIEND! FRONT AND CENTER! Why, I oughta make the two of you paint the Krusty Krab for using such language?!
But, Mr. Krabs, we were only using our sentence enhancers.
There ain't nothin' fancy 'bout that word!
You mean [dolphin chirp]?
Yes, that one! Now quit saying that! It's a BAD word!
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
BAD WORD?! [both regretfully wipe their tongues]
Yes, siree, that's bad word number 11. In fact, there are 13 bad words you should never use.
Don't you mean there are only 7?
Not if you're a sailor. [laughs]
That's a lot of [dolphin chirp] bad words.
Okay, boys, I want you to promise me you'll never use that word again.
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
We promise.
[returns with a ladder and several paint cans] All right, you two foul mouths. As punishment for foulin' the air in me restaurant with your foul words, you're gonna give the Krusty Krab a fresh coat of paint from top to bottom. [jams his foot into a rock then hops on one leg, he screams as dropping everything] OH, MY [dolphin chirp] FOOT! WHAT [dolphin chirps] GENIUS PUT A [dolphin chirp] ROCK IN A [dolphin chirp] PATH?! CAN'T YOU SEE I GOT A [boat horn] FOOT HERE?! OH, [seal bark]!
[Mr. Krabs continues saying a bunch of swear words while SpongeBob and Patrick count the swear words he used]
AND A WHOLE LOT OF [boat horn], WITH A SIDE OF [dolphin chirp], AND A HEAPING HELPING OF [boat horn], AND A BOATLOAD OF [boat horn]!
AW, [seal bark and seagull squawk] GRABBIN'... [SpongeBob's alarm clock blares and he then cries in pain]
[cuts to his 13 fingers] That's all 13, Patrick! [gasps] We're gonna tell your MOM, Mr. Krabs!
No! Please! Not my mommy!
Now repeat after me. I have no talent.
Mr. Tentacles has all the talent.
Mr. Tentacles has all the talent.
If I'm lucky, some of Mr. Tentacle's talent will rub off on me.
If I'm lucky, Mr. Talent will rub his tentacles on my art.
[Pause]
[unenthusiastically] Whatever.
Your search is over. I am Bikini Bottom's greatest artist. I call this one: "Squidward en repose".
MMonty
I, uh, don't think that will fit in with the other pieces in my collection.
MMonty
Because it's an art collection. [laughs]
How about this one? I call it "Bold and Brash".
MMonty
More like: "Belongs in the Trash". [Laughs]
But sir, how many jellyfish do you need?
SpongeBob, we have a whole ego system for the hungry paying customers. Oh no! Don't tell me. [gasping] YOU'VE STOPPED CARING FOR ME COSTUMER!
Then go out there, and get me some more jellies!
Okay, Mr. Krabs. Just make sure the jellyfish are comfortable. They are O’so sensitive.
Oh, I’ll keep them comfortable, alright, inside me wallet.
More, SpongeBob! What don't you understand about "More"!? [multiple of SpongeBobs are watching jellyfishes] MORE! MORE! More! More! More. More! More! [grimaces and demands more] More, more, more, more, more! MORE!!
[Cut to night. A sign reading "Jellyfish Fields: Population 0" is seen.]
Well, there's no more! Now, that's jellyfishing!
[No Name follows SpongeBob.]
You'll never catch me! [He tries to pedal away as he laughs madly] What? [Looks down to see the exercycle is bolted to the floor.] Blasted exercise craze.
[walks out of the factory and is incredibly burned with black smoke and weakly voice] I'm taking jelly off the menu. [leaves]
D'oh, come on, you're just flipping Patties.
Hey, flipping is not as easy as it sounds! [Patrick flips over a rock with his foot and makes a sizzling noise] Why don't you go home, Patrick? You can compete in the "Laying Under a Rock All Day" Games.
Well, at least, I don't polish my fingernails!
[gasps] You take that back! [a gleam shows at the tip of his fingernails]
[mocking] Fingernails, fingernails, fingernails!
You don't even have fingernails!
I cannot believe what I am hearing!
How can you hear?! You don't have ears either!
[The Deep fry pole vault.]
Win this one for the Krusty Krab.
[flips over the poles and the deep fry and splats down on the circle drawn in the ground. The crowd gasps. SpongeBob forms a number one sign and the crowd cheers]
Win this one because I told you to.
Because you told me to! [flips over the poles, but lands on the handle of the deep fryer, flinging it at the crowd and turning them into fish sticks. A vendor walks up and turns on a heat lamp]
Fish sticks! Get yer fish sticks here!
[Heavy metal music plays. The bell rings. SpongeBob tears off his blue robe, showing off his extremely large, muscular body. Patrick rips off his own green robe, underneath which he is wearing a business suit. He tears off the business suit, also revealing an extremely large, muscular body. The two dive at each other, screaming, until they collide. They wrestle and continue to wind up in twisted positions. They spin around and wind up wrestling with themselves. They realize this, and dive back at each other. Patrick sits on top of SpongeBob, holding his foot]
Forget the Chum Bucket! This is personal. [takes off SpongeBob's shoe and licks his foot slowly. SpongeBob screams in agony. The two wrestle again. SpongeBob sits on Patrick's chest and screams as he lifts up a pencil with the eraser side pointing toward Patrick; he slowly brings it down to his name tag and erases the "Pat" in "Patrick," leaving "Rick"] No! My name's not Rick! [tackles SpongeBob in a puff of smoke]
[the two wrestle once more before they stop]
I 1,000 times never liked you!
[They struggle to push each other until both of their pants rip and fall down. Patrick's underwear is yellow. SpongeBob's underwear is pink]
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
[their eyes start to water] You do care! [both start crying and hug each other]
Let's promise never to fight again, buddy.
Yeah, pal. Let's go home.
[both walk away holding hands and whistling while the audience boos]
Get back here and kill each other!
You're my best friend ever.
You know, these were white when I bought 'em.
SpongeBob, quit your worrying. I can take care of myself. After all, Who's the strongest critter in Bikini Bottom? [pulls a live-action boat down underwater by its anchor]
And who put the, hiyah-hah-huah, "K" in "karate"?
[body is shaped like a "U"] You did.
And who saves your yellow backside from certain destruction on a regular basis?
[SpongeBob's backside reads "Property of Sandy Cheeks" printed on it]
This letter comes to us from --
Name and address withheld.
And he writes: "Dear SpongeBob, I am ten years old, and I was wondering if you like Christmas as much as I do. Sincerely yours..."
Name and address withheld.
A very good question. But you know, they didn't always celebrate Christmas in Bikini Bottom.
No sir, my fine feathered little neck pain!
[Patchy cuts Potty's strings, and he falls to the ground; the operator falls as well.]
Aww, our first Christmas. ♪This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas! The first Christmas is this Christmas! [donkey appears on screen making noises] Cause it feels like the first Christmas to me!♪ [laughs at SpongeBob and hits his butt over and over again]
You were right, Squidward. This was a stupid holiday. [cries; takes out a present] I still want you to have this.
[stops hitting his butt] What? What's this?
A present. I made it for you so you wouldn't be left out when... [lifts his inelegant blubbering head up] Santa came! [cries some more]
Oh, gee, I, uh, you know I...
You're welcome. [sadly walks off and cries]
SpongeBob? He made me a present? It's probably a jellyfish net, or an old Krabby Patty, or... [imitates a hillbilly] his favorite underpants. Haha. Present. [opens the present] Why, it looks like a clarinet. [smells it] It smells like one, too. Handcrafted out of driftwood. And it's even got my name on it. [finds a button that says "push"] What's this? [pushes the button and three wooden Squidwards with clarinets come out and bob up and down] Wow. This is the greatest gift I've ever gotten. [sniffles] Oh, I feel like a... [donkey appears on screen and makes noises] big jerk!
