SpongeBob SquarePants quotes

SpongeBob

Sandy, you're naked. And you don't have any clothes on!

Sandy

Unhand my pelt, you unknown varmint!

[pops out of the Sandy robot's mouth] Only from my cold, dead feelers!

Sandy

[enraged] Plankton! I should have known this was your doing! Now, feel this! [punches the Sandy robot like a training dummy] Hi-ya! [The Sandy robot is undamaged so Sandy kicks it like a training dummy] Pwaaaaa! [The Sandy robot is punched and knocked into the wall and slumps over. Sandy rolls up her pelt and Plankton and the formula flies out. Mr. Krabs catches the formula, Sandy catches Plankton] Gotcha! And now for the appropriate punishment for a no-good, yella' belly like yourself. [puts Plankton in a jar of mustard]

My eye! This condiment is highly irritating to my eye!

SpongeBob

Hey, where do you want this life-size cutout of you, Mr. Krabs?

No! [goes inside SpongeBob]

[offscreen] I told ya to stop playing with that thing and get back to work!

Let me see what I can tune in here. Hmm.

The secret of the Krabby Patty formula is-

Jackpot!

Spongebob

Huh?

I said-

SpongeBob

Could you speak a little louder, please?

The secret to the Krabby Patty formula-

SpongeBob

What?

Hold on.

Here it comes!

[shouting into a megaphone] THE SECRET TO THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA IS...! [The shouting causes Plankton's ears to pop]

OW! I hate my life!

Enough with these petty carnal senses. If I'm going to get the Krabby Patty recipe...[he arrives at...] The brain!

Hi, friend! [he gasps as he saw "Superficial Greetings" on the brain] "Superficial Greetings"? What kind of idiot...? [sees the parts of the brain] -"Personal Opinions"? "Knock-knock Jokes"?! No, no, no, no! This is all useless!

Oh, no! Did somebody call the Health inspector?

Did somebody call a... Health inspector?

Squidward

[opens his front door from his house and breathes in and out happily] Another beautiful Sunday in Bikini Bottom. Nothing can ruin my good mood today! [closes the door and starts walking happily]

SpongeBob

[looks out of his window, rushes downstairs, and opens his own front door] Good morning, Squidward!

Squidward

[walks by] Ignoring, ignoring! La la dum. La la dee. La la doo. [cha chas down the street until he steps on a gum] Wah! [hits the head on the ground] Chewing gum!? That's disgusting! [pulls his foot away but the gum stays on his foot] Oh, come on! [tries pulling it off with his hand but it gets stuck, then tries both of his hands but they get stuck, then he pulls harder but his head gets stuck. Then uses head and hands but gets even more stuck. He struggles but he gets completely covered in gum. He then screams angrily, blowing a bubble that bursts the gum and Squidward gets covered in gum. Tries to get it off again and it turns into a bow-tie and he gets it off] People who litter really bug me! [throws it away. Laughs] Litterbugs. [laughing] Litterbugs! [continues laughing]

SpongeBob

I'll take that one right there!

You wish to have one of my rare and extremely dangerous... huh?

SpongeBob

Oh yeah this is the one. [picks one of them]

Beware, boy, this is no ordinary pet!

SpongeBob

Oh, Gary's gonna be so happy!

You must understand. These pets can be very unstable. especially around other pets!

SpongeBob

[obliviously] Yeah, yeah, yeah, thanks, bye. [he runs off]

Why bother? They never listen.

SpongeBob

Ahh. I can rest so peacefully, now that Gary's got a good pal they could play with.

SpongeBob

Gary! Shame on you! [takes Gary back in the living room] Puffy Fluffy is perfectly harmless. [he takes the blanket off, revealing what he thinks is normal Puffy Fluffy] See there he is fast asleep. Now will you let me sleep, Gary, please? [sets Gary back on a small green bed and covers him with a small blanket] Good night. [goes back to bed]

SpongeBob

Hmm, that's interesting. Must have been a sea quake last night. Oh, well, what are you gonna do? [opens the galley door which falls over] That's unusual. WHOA! [sees the library which is a total wreck] My library! [gasps] And my prized memoirs of T.S. Halibut! [gasps] My clothes! [picks up his torn pants] This was no random sea quake. Who could've done this? There was no one here except for... [mistakenly realizes something] ...Gary. I bet he's jealous about the new friend.

Patrick

Hey! [flips over box] Where's the toy?

SpongeBob

Oh, it doesn't come with a toy.

Patrick

What!? That's a rip off! I want my money back!

[wakes up] Money back?! [walks out of office with towel wrapped around him] What's the problem here?

Patrick

My Kiddy meal didn't come with a toy!

Hmm. And you'd like to upgrade to the toy package is that right?

SpongeBob

Mr. Krabs, the Krusty Krab doesn't have any toys.

Oh, really? [takes Krabby Patty away from customer] Then what do you call?... [fixes Krabby Patty] this? [The Krabby Patty now has eyes, legs, a mouth, and arms made from kitchen ingredients; Patrick and SpongeBob gasp]

SpongeBob

An officially licensed Krusty Krab toy? [smiles]

Patrick

Uh, I'm not home right now! Please leave a message! Beeeep...

SpongeBob

Patrick, it's me! SpongeBob! It's my turn to play with the toy!

Patrick

I can't go out! I just washed my hair!

SpongeBob

You don't have any h-come out, Patrick! It's MY turn!

Patrick

Got any ID?

SpongeBob

I have my milkshake dispenser operator license.

Patrick

[looks at it] Looks fake to me pal! Bye-Bye now!

SpongeBob

Well, I guess I had best be going! [Pretends to walk away] I'm walking away...Here I go... [quietly] I'm gone now. [hides on Patrick's antenna]

Patrick

You sure?

SpongeBob

Pretty sure.[Patrick comes out, he jumps at him] Hi, Patrick! Time to SHARE!

Patrick

DECEIVER! You didn't leave at all!

SpongeBob

Oh, and you were washing your hair!?!

Patrick

I was too, see? [shows his armpit hair]

SpongeBob

[Surprised] Gary was so right about you! You're a non-sharer!

Patrick

Gary said that? You're off my friend list, Gary!

Gary

Meow. [turns and slithers back into SpongeBob's house]

SpongeBob

Hand it over, Patrick! I get to play with the Patty Pal today!

Patrick

You can't take it, It's not fair!

SpongeBob

How about I take it for half a day?

Patrick

Mm-mm!

SpongeBob

How about we trade off every hour?

Patrick

Mm-mm!

SpongeBob

Every half hour?

Patrick

Mm-mm!

SpongeBob

Every fifteen minutes?

Patrick

Mm-mm!

SpongeBob

Five minutes?

Patrick

Mm-mm!

SpongeBob

One minute?

Patrick

N-n-no!

SpongeBob

Okay then, for our final offer we trade off every second!

Patrick

One.

SpongeBob

One.

Patrick

One.

AVAST THERE, LADDIES! What's all this ruckerus about now?!

SpongeBob

It's our Krabby Patty toy, Mr. Krabs! And Patrick ate it, so that I couldn't play with it!

Patrick

SpongeBob won't let me play with it!

SpongeBob

Only because you hogged it all night!

Patrick

I did not!

SpongeBob

Did too!

Patrick

Nuh-uh!

SpongeBob

Oh, you toy eater!

Patrick

Tattletale!

Whoa, whoa, whoa there, now! Settle down! All this brawlin' is over a toy?! You two shouldn't let a little trinket get between youse! You should be ashamed of yourselves. If I gave each of ya another toy, would that make you happy?!

...Yes.

Well, you're in luck! You two seem so thrilled with the toy, I had an entire case of 'em made!

Lad, you're surrounded by stingy wisdom, so try to pick up some pointers. But whatever you do, don't lend anyone money!

SpongeBob

[lending money to another crab] 25, 26...

Squidward

Order up, SpongeBob! [walks to SpongeBob]

Squidward

SpongeBob, what do you think you're doing? You're supposed to be fry cooking. I told you not to touch my stuff!

SpongeBob

I didn't! I wore protective gloves! And besides, don't you like how classy it look now?

Squidward

Velvet..

SpongeBob

Now I'd like to stand by and idly chat with you, Squidward, But I must attend to my Krusty Krab duties! In the future, please keep your interruptions to a minimum sir, please!