A character in SpongeBob SquarePants
Played by Tom Kenny
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
Most-quoted character in SpongeBob SquarePants: in 691 of its 1,068 quotes
Most scenes with: Patrick (271), Squidward (234), Mr. Krabs (181)
Oh, forget the key! Let's climb through this window. I can't reach it. Do you think you could hop up on my shoulders, kid?
SpongeBob[SpongeBob is wearing cleats] Sure! With these spiky cleats, anything is possible! [jumps onto the Strangler]
Cleats?! [SpongeBob's feet land on the Strangler's eyeballs. The Strangler screams in pain] GET YOU FEET OUT OF MY EYE SOCKETS!!
SpongeBobI'm trying, but my cleats are stuck in your corneas!
SpongeBobSo. Patrick's the Strangler. Gee, you think you know a guy...
He's not the strangler!
SpongeBobHe's not?
[rips off the fake mustache] I am!
SpongeBobHey, how did you do that without a shaving cream?
Oh, it's a fake, you idiot! I bought it at the party store!
[Everyone suddenly came back]
Did somebody say "party"?
[The Tattletale Strangler screams and runs out of the house]
I can't take it!
SpongeBob[runs after him] Wait, bodyguard, I need protection! [the Strangler gets into a taxi]
Step on it! I'm being chased by a maniac! [SpongeBob chases after the taxi]
SpongeBobI'm not safe! Come back! D-ohh! [taxi goes to the Bikini Bottom Airport and an airplane takes off]
Finally, away from that guy.
SpongeBob[on the airplane a row behind the Strangler] Good idea, bodyguard. He'll never find us up here. [the Strangler jumps out of the plane hollering, he opens his parachute, but it is actually SpongeBob] Good thinking, bodyguard. The Strangler could have been on that plane. [the Strangler takes out a giant pair of scissors and cuts the strings off the SpongeBob parachute and plummets right into the Bikini Bottom Police Station jail. SpongeBob comes running up to him] Bodyguard, bodyguard!
Look kid! I'm not your bodyguard! [cries] I'm the strangler! See? [looks toward his "WANTED" poster on the wall]
SpongeBobAHHH! THE STRANGLER!
[the police officers walk up]
Good work, SpongeBob, you put the Strangler behind bars!
At least I'm safe from that yellow idiot.
Hey, Mack. [the Strangler turns and sees Patrick in the cell with him] What're you in for? [the episode ends]
SpongeBobNo.
SpongeBobWow, invisible spray!
[looking confused] But I can see it.
SpongeBobGee, Patrick, just think of the pranks we could pull with this.
SpongeBobWell, let's get started.
I think since spraying the park bench was my idea, I should get to spray it.
SpongeBobPatrick, spraying the park bench was my idea.
Yeah, but I said it was a good idea!
SpongeBobGive me that thing!
[SpongeBob grabs the can and he and Patrick wrestle over it. SpongeBob accidentally sprays their clothes and they disappear]
Hey, the invisible spray works!
[A tour bus drives up.]
And on your right, if you look, you'll see two naked guys fighting over a can of paint!
[The passengers and Tom laugh. The bus drives off. SpongeBob covers his lower half]
SpongeBobOh my gosh, Patrick, help me find our clothes!
[SpongeBob pats the ground, trying to grab the clothes. Patrick sprays SpongeBob's right hand and it disappears]
I gotta hand it to you, SpongeBob. You look kinda funny.
[Patrick laughs and SpongeBob screams.]
SpongeBobRighty, where are you? [Patrick laughs again.] No one messes with Righty! [takes the spray can with his invisible hand.] We'll see how you like it! [sprays Patrick making a hole in the middle of his body] Kind of gives you an empty feeling, huh?
[Patrick takes the can.]
Yeah! [He sprays SpongeBob's upper left corner.] I see what you mean!
[SpongeBob takes the spray can and sprays Patrick's lower half.]
SpongeBobNo guts, no glory! [laughs]
Several bad puns later...
[The scene changes to show Sandy's treedome. The scene then shows her reading a book in a rocking chair in her tree. She hears a noise, which is SpongeBob and Patrick's laughter. She checks to see what it is, but there is supposedly nothing there. She gets up and goes to her window.]
Huh? [the outside of her tree is shown] Well, that's funny, I thought I heard voices. Huh? [walks up to a glass of juice on the floor] I thought I left that glass of peanut juice on the table. [walks over to a table with a lamp covered in garbage] And didn't I toss that old lamp out yesterday? And since when did I acquire all these portraits of Patrick?!
[Photos of Patrick are on the walls and tables, and the rug has his face on it. Sandy turns around and sees SpongeBob and Patrick covered in white sheets over their heads as they wail.]
We're ghosts.
[SpongeBob and Patrick wail again. Sandy laughs.]
I knew it was you guys! Alright, joke's over. Take off the sheets. [pulls off the sheets and notices there is nothing there, then gasps] It is ghosts!
[Sandy shrieks. She takes out a remote with a large red button. She presses the button and an escape pod that is in the shape of an acorn appears out of some panels. She enters the escape pod and presses a button. The escape pod flies out of her dome, above the water, past the Bikini Bottom island, and lands in Texas. The escape pod explodes in Texas. SpongeBob and Patrick leave Sandy's house, laughing.]
SpongeBobBoy, we really scared her!
[SpongeBob and Patrick laugh.]
Who's gonna be our next victim?
SpongeBobA better question would be, "Who isn't?"
[The scene changes to show Mrs. Puff's house, where she is preparing to eat a piece of cake.]
Double-dark deep-sea light diet cake! [laughs] You will soon be mine. [Patrick and possibly SpongeBob eat(s) the cake, making it look like ghosts have eaten it. Patrick's face is covered in cake. He belches loudly and wipes it off] Oh! [gets filled up with air and then lets it out flying all around] Ghosts!
[Her deflated body lands on the table.]
SpongeBob[voice only, invisible] Krabs, we've come to haunt you!
[as the ball bounces on his paddle ball faster] Stay back! I'm well-armed! [the barrel floats by] I'm warning you! [scissors cut the string from the paddle ball he's using]
[voices only, invisible] Boo!
[Mr. Krabs breaks out of his armor and shrieks in horror.]
I gotta get out of here! [bumps into the door, only to find out the doors were glued]
SpongeBob[voice only, invisible] You can't escape, Krabs! We've glued the door shut!
Yeah.
Look, boys. I know you fellas sound good around the birdbath, but this here is basic cable! This is the big time. I'm afraid it's time for you to walk the plank.
You mean we're fired?
Nooooo...
[Snap to the Bird Brains standing on a plank outside a window upstairs with Patchy pointing a sword at them.]
Go on! Start jumping, or you're gonna be dealing with the business end of me sword.
[Patchy waves his sword at them, laughing, but the birds just fly away]
No! I forgot that you're birds! [wails and whacks himself with the sword]
SpongeBobOkay, Gary. Get ready. It's almost 8:00! Here they come!
[reading his name tag that says, "HELLO, MY NAME IS PATRICK" upside down] Kirtap si eman, Y, M, O, 77, eh. I don't get it.
No, you dumb bunny! It says "Hello, my name is Patrick"!
[shakes his hand] Nice to meet you, Patrick!
[laughs] Good one, Patrick! [both laugh]
[he and Mr. Krabs laugh] Yeah.
SpongeBobWhat's going on here?! The laughter isn't scheduled until 9:03! You want to throw a party, do it at your house, Patrick.
Was he talking to me or you?
SpongeBobI can take losing the topic cards and the phone in the punch bowl... but I was supposed to lead THE BUNNY HOP! This is a bunch of barnacles! [runs up to the door with a pickaxe] I'M BREAKING IN!!!!!!!
[catches SpongeBob about to do so] Well, well, well. What do we have here? A burglar bunny. Why do they do it, O'Malley?
I don't know. It's probably how he gets his kicks.
You criminals make me sick.
SpongeBobI'm no criminal! I live here! I'm...I'm just throwing a party, I got locked out! I swear!
[Pause]
Well, why didn't you say so? What a terrible misunderstanding!
You have a nice party now, sir!
SpongeBobBoy, for a second there, I thought I was going to be arrested for breaking into my own house! What an ironic twist that would have been.
HEY!
SpongeBob[yelps]
Wait a second. If you're throwing a party... why weren't we invited?!
SpongeBob[stammers] But, I... you, uh, I didn't know... The Plan Your Own P-party Kit did-didn't mention the police!
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, motor-mouth, tell it to the judge. [handcuffs SpongeBob, but the cuffs are broken] Oh no, these cuffs are broken.
Huh, we can't bring him in in broken cuffs. I got an old pair in the car we can use.
[SpongeBob is being taken to the car in a pillory]
SpongeBobIs it too late to offer you some punch?
Sir, you have the right to remain silent.
SpongeBobI understand.
[to a whimpering SpongeBob] SpongeBob! What's wrong?
SpongeBobI don't know, Mr. Krabs. But I've got the strangest feeling that somewhere a pirate and a parrot are arguing about me...[close up on his scared face] and the parrot is winning!
SpongeBob[puts on his safety glasses; turns into a spring and bounces after the jellyfish; stops in midair and looks down] Huh? [stretches out and starts falling downward, now in normal form] [screams and hits the ground] Ooh! [separates into nine smaller SpongeBobs. Eight of them panic in a circle and then join back together. The ninth SpongeBob then passes by laughing, which SpongeBob catches and places in an open space on his backside; wipes the sweat off his forehead] Phew! I salute you, old majestic jellyfish. [salutes a jellyfish that buzzes over his head] Your command of the sky is unmatched. Floating just out of the reach of my net, but near enough that I can see your untamed beauty. [a jellyfish floats up and down above SpongeBob's palm; music begins to play as a microphone lowers in front of him; he clears his throat] ♪If only I could join you there in the air. Floating free without a care. I wish I could fly. And see things with a different eye.♪ [SpongeBob's two eyes combine into one big eye; the camera zooms into it and his pupil becomes him flying through the sky] ♪I would fly so very high and touch the sky.♪ [flies through a cloud] ♪And never have to ask why it is that I can't fly--♪ [the blue sky backdrop turns back into Jellyfish Fields, and SpongeBob falls to the ground; he gets up] Wait a minute. I'm forgetting the words of Grandpa SquarePants. [a thought cloud appears above SpongeBob's head; SpongeBob's grandfather is inside of it]
If we were meant to fly, we'd have propellers on our heads or jet engines on our backs. [the cloud disappears]
SpongeBob[snaps] I'm gonna follow his advice, by gum. I'll invent a flying machine.
SpongeBobWhat's so funny?
Well, it's like my grandpa used to say. [a thought cloud appears over his head; Grandpa SquarePants is inside it again]
If we were meant to fly... [notices Patrick] Hey, I'm not your grandfather! [pokes Patrick in the head with his cane; the thought cloud disappears]
SpongeBobWell, here I go, Patrick! [runs to the front] I'm off to fly with the jellyfish! Ignition, check! [spins the propeller around] Landing gear... [kicks the tire] check! Complimentary peanuts... [holds up a bag of peanuts] check-a-rooni. [hops into the cockpit, now with a hat and glasses on] Ready for takeoff! [pushes a handle forward; the plane starts up, then comes to pieces; the propeller spins through the air and slices through a grain silo next to the farm; sand pours out of it and covers him and Patrick]
You cut a hole in Farmer Jenkins' grain silo!
SpongeBobDon't remind me.
[runs up] I knew no good would come from city folk and their flying machines. Now git! [Patrick and SpongeBob run away]
We better do what he says. He knows how to grow food!
Okay.
SpongeBobGo! [Patrick starts pedaling; lifts up off the bucket he is standing on and flies through the air] It's working! I'm flying! [flies past three fish on the side of the road]
Hey... I know you. Yeah, from today's paper! [holds up a newspaper with a picture of SpongeBob on the front page and the headline "Local Nutcase Tries to Fly"]
SpongeBob"Local nutcase tries to fly"?! I'm a nutcase because I follow my dreams? Well, they laughed at the guy who invented light bulbs, too!
No, they didn't.
SpongeBob[eyes widen] You'll see.
[walks outside, and past Monroe and his Mother]
Look, mom, it's the Bird Man of Bikini Bottom.
Wow! I wonder why he's still using his legs!
Come on, Bird Man. Flap your wings and fly! [makes flapping motions; he and Incidental 115 laugh cruelly; SpongeBob walks away, only to encounter many other fish]
Hey, Bird Man, going to check on your eggs?
Maybe he's looking for a statue to poop on.
[steps in front of SpongeBob and starts flapping his arms and making chicken noises; a crowd of fish around him laughs]
SpongeBobGo on and laugh, but it is a sad day in Bikini Bottom when a guy is ridiculed for having dreams! [two fish holding babies stand to the side of him]
You think you're the only one with unfulfilled dreams?
I was supposed to be a concert pianist... until I realized I didn't have any fingers. [looks at his hands]
We all had dreams.
What makes you so special? [the crowd of fish turns into an angry mob, along with pitchfork and torches]
Let's get him!
SpongeBob[the mob chases him; he starts panting, then stops] Huh? [camera zooms out to reveal SpongeBob just stepped off the edge of a cliff and he screams]
Good riddance, dreamer!
SpongeBob[screams as he lands in a Mud Removal truck] Ooh! [the truck makes a sharp turn and SpongeBob falls out, covered in mud; while falling] Well, it can't get any worse. D'oh! [lands in a Feather Delivery truck; sticks his head up, which is now covered with feathers] I guess I spoke too soon.
[Note: television version only] [the scene freezes] Will SpongeBob learn to fly? Stay tuned.
[A crowd of fish is searching for SpongeBob.]
SpongeBob!
Hey SpongeBob!
SpongeBob!
SpongeBob[hiding behind a rock] If I don't give these feverish favor-seekers the slip, I'll never get to fly with the jellyfish. [quietly flies away]
Hey! There he is! [SpongeBob flies faster] He's getting away!
No! He owes us favors!
Get him!
[The angry crowd chases after him, into Downtown Bikini Bottom; while SpongeBob flies past the buildings in a straight line, the crowd runs up and down each building; they stop at a cliff, before Jellyfish Fields; SpongeBob keeps flying.]
SpongeBobI'm almost at Jellyfish Fields. I'm gonna make it!
He's headed for Jellyfish Fields! We'll never catch him now!
[off-screen] I'll take care of this!
It's Cannonball Jenkins!
[inside a lit cannon, wearing a red helmet and suit; launches out of the cannon and toward SpongeBob; he collides with him, and SpongeBob's inflatable pants explode; the two hurtle toward the ground; SpongeBob falls even further as Cannonball Jenkins opens up a red parachute] I told you nothing good would come from city folk and their flying machines! [the crowd watches as SpongeBob crashes to the ground; they walk over]
What have we done? [starts to cry] Come on, everybody! I think a proper burial is in order. [picks up the pants] A pair of pants like these come around... once in a lifetime. [the crowd leaves; SpongeBob, now in his underwear, regains consciousness]
SpongeBobWell, it was fun while it lasted. [walks up to Jellyfish Fields, then walks away] I guess I'm not meant to fly after all. [sighs; starts to raise up in the air; a group of jellyfish are below him, carrying him up] Huh? Hey! My jellyfish friends are helping me fly! Without pants! I guess it just goes to show... [the jellyfish carry him back to Bikini Bottom] ♪You don't need a plane to fly♪ [Incidental 41 looks out the window at him] ♪Plastic wings may make you cry♪ [a flock of scallops fly by] ♪Kites are made for windy days. Lawn chair with balloons... fly away♪ [the crowd of fish bury SpongeBob's pants as the mourn over them] ♪Inflatable pants... you may as well skip!♪ [arrives at his home; the jellyfish put him back on the ground] ♪If you want to fly, all you need... is friendship. Yeah.♪ [the jellyfish buzz away; waves] Goodbye, jellies! You taught me a valuable lesson. Although I'm not quite sure what it was.
[walks up] Hey! Let's fly down to the pizza house for a slice.
SpongeBobNo more flying for me, Patrick. I'll leave that to the jellyfish. [opens his door]
Suit yourself. [lifts up his arm and flies]
SpongeBob[turns back around] Did Patrick just...? [laughs] Nah! [enters his house again, but opens the door one last time, just to make sure]
At least I still have my Sunday pedicure to look forward to. [SpongeBob and Patrick are laughing inside Squidward's house. Squidward opens his front door] What are you two doing in my house?
SpongeBobWe're checking to make sure this guy really is a certified foot masseur and not some kind of assassin.
Well I say he checks out a-ok.
SpongeBobSquidward, have you ever seen more lovely French tips? [shows foot with long toenails]
French tips, huh?! [pushes SpongeBob and Patrick's chair out of the way] All right, pal, make with the relaxing foot massage, pronto!
Uh-oh. Uh, sorry. Your hour's up. [packs up and leaves]
Alright, you two. OUT! [SpongeBob and Patrick walk to the front door] And don't even think about dragging your empty skulls around here for the rest of the day! Or tomorrow, or next week!
SpongeBobSquidward, does that include-?
YES, IT DOES! [furiously slams the door shut]
SpongeBobGee, Patrick, do you think Squidward was trying to tell us something?
[busts head through the door] YES, I WAS!!! You call yourselves good neighbors?! YOU'RE THE WORST NEIGHBORS EVER! [angrily inhales] You don't deserve to wear those FEZZES! [takes SpongeBob and Patrick's fezzes off and rapidly stomps them into the ground]
SpongeBobGee, Pat, maybe President Squidward's right.
Yeah, I guess we aren't good neighbors after all.
NO, YOU AREN'T!!! YOU'RE HORRIBLE NEIGHBORS! [angrily inhales again] And STOP calling me president! [pops his head back inside]
SpongeBobCome on, let's go. [he and Patrick walk off sadly]
PatrickBill Fagerbakke · 344 quotes
SquidwardRodger Bumpass · 334 quotes
KMr. Krabs261 quotes
PPlankton138 quotes
SandyCarolyn Lawrence · 76 quotes
KarenJill Talley · 44 quotes
Mrs. PuffMary Jo Catlett · 37 quotes
French NarratorTom Kenny · 32 quotes
GaryTom Kenny · 30 quotes
PatchyTom Kenny · 23 quotes
PearlLori Alan · 22 quotes
FredMr. Lawrence · 19 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's SpongeBob SquarePants pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
