Randy Marsh quotes from South Park

Oh, all right, I'd like to solve the puzzle: ...NIGGERS!

Words with venom, words that bind, Words used like weapons to cloud my mind./I'm a person, I'm a man, but no matter how I try,/People just say, "Hey! There's that Nigger Guy."/Everywhere I go it's always the same,/Everyone just thinks of me as that one single name./"Hey Nigger Guy!" "Nigger Guy!" "Hi Nigger Guy!" Stop!/Now go, call me Nigger Guy, fill me with your hate,/Try to bring me down, boop bop you're too late./When will it end? Will there ever be a time/Where I can be thought of as more than just Nigger Guy? [Pause] Respect.

Waghh! I don't have any more change! [makes his way through the crowd of bums] Nooo! I don't have any change! I don't have any chaaange! [disappears under the sea of homeless people]

Oh, God. Oh, here it comes. [goes for the final push, which has him pushing himself off the toilet seat by his hands several times] Whoa, hot! Hot, hot! Whoa, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! [a view from the street. Randy's moans can be heard; he can be seen moving about] Whoa, whoa! Whoa, hot! Hot, hot, hot-hot-hot-hot, hot, hot!! [back in the bathroom, the stool finally comes out with a dull splash as it hits the water] Dohhhhhh! Ooh! Ooh. [sobs in relief] Ohhh, it's over. It's over. [reaches for the toilet paper] Oh, God. [puts his briefs and pants back up in place] I feel so much better. Oh. [a view from within the toilet: Randy turns around to flush, but stops, looks down, and crouches down for a better look] Wow. That is huge. That has got to be the biggest crap I've ever taken. He-Hey, Sharon. Sharon, you gotta come see this.

I'm sorry, Sharon. Sorry that I let you down. I'm sorry I can't crap like Bono.

It's been three days now since the guinea pigs and the guinea bees attacked. Guinea rabbits are still everywhere, along with a few guinea panthers. We've taken shelter at the Outback Steakhouse. There's Sharon and Shelley. Say hey, guys.

We must stop pointing fingers! Finger pointing gets us nowhere-- [points to man] Steve!

The economy is our shepherd, we shall not want.

It stopped being funny when air came out her vagina, Sharon!

Oh shit, it's Baby Fark McGeezax!

[to the townspeople] This is where we make our stand! South Park will never be west Jersey! [the townspeople cheer, all ready for battle; waving a flag reading, "No Jersey"] FUCK NEW JERSEY!

Winter's coming, Sharon, and I'm a busy little bee. Buzz! Buzz!

Uh...yes, officer?

Cartman

I clocked you at 40 mph back there. Do you know what the speed limit is hey-ah?

Well, according to that sign right there, it's 40 mph.

Cartman

Step out of the car, please, sir.

Wait a second. Aren't you Stan's little friend?

Cartman

Sir, step out of the car, please.

Yeah. You're the one who always plugs up the toilet at our house.

Cartman

Ey! I am a cop, and you will respect my authority!

Yeah, right. You better get back to school, little boy. [Cartman hits Randy's shin] Ow!

Cartman

Get your ass to jail!

Ow! Hey, what the heck're you doing?! You can't do that! Ow! Ow!

Cartman

Sweet.

Will he be okay out of the hospital?

Oh sure, sure. But we have to get him back soon. If he doesn't get his antibiotic shot today, he could die.

DIE!??

Yes, die. It won't be any easy death, either. The chickenpox will slowly move down his trachea into his lungs.

Okay, well well, let's go look—

As he chokes for breath, the pox will move through his inner ear, into his brain, making him think he's David Duchovny.

Oh God, no!!

I'm a-I'm sure he couldn't have gone far.

Now moving on all fours and wheezing uncontrollably, his cellular structure will regress into a gelatinous mass of—

Now, young man, uh... ...school is a time for learning, not for immature skylarkings.

Stan

What's skylarkings?

You know, like tomfooleries.

Stan

Who?

Oh, your parents are here.

Stan

Oh, no.

Thank you for coming on such short notice. I was just disciplining your son for his skylarkings.

Stanley, I... Skylarkings?

Yeahm'kay?

Stanley, I want you to explain to me why you were passing notes in school.

Randy, let me handle this. Now Stanley, I want you to explain to me why you were passing notes in school.

Stan

It wasn't my note, dude. It was some girl's.

Okay, Stanley, we're all here to get to the root of your behavior disorder.

You really should know better, Stanley.

You need to shape up, mister.

[To Randy.] Don't interrupt me! You always interrupt me when I talk! Can't you see that I?--

[A bit testily.] I don't interrupt you.

There, you did it again! [To Mr. Mackey.] He interrupted me again.

Okay, uh -- perhaps you should let your wife finish talking, Mr. Marsh. Now, Stan, I want you to be...

Okay, I'm sorry I interrupt. But she always takes over any conversation!