SSnooki
[Recurring line] Snooki want smush-smush!
“It's a Jersey Thing” · Season 14, Episode 9
In this episode: Kyle Broflovski (2), Randy Marsh (2), Sheila (2), Eric Cartman (1), Stan Marsh (1), Sharon Marsh (1), Jimbo (1), Ike (1)
[at the South Park Hair Salon]
Don't you fuckin' tell me what to do! I'm a client here!
CCaroline
Theresa! Calm. Down.
JJulia
I don't have to take your shit! I'm from Jersey!
CCaroline
Get her, Sharon!!
What?
JJacqueline
Sharon, just stay out of it!
CCaroline
Be, the bigger person, Sharon!
You people are crazy.
CCaroline
Who's crazy? Are you talking about my family?! (grabs Sharon by the hair and pulls her a few steps; Sharon begins to scream) Is my family crazy?!
Don't you pull my friend's hair, you bitch! (pulls Sharon back by the hair)
[barges in, savagely] Let go of her, you piece of trash!
Who the fuck are you, to tell me, what to do?!
All you trashy whores get the fuck out of here and leave her alone!
Psycho bitch!
(slaps Theresa's hand away) No! You're a psycho bitch, psycho bitch! Psycho bitch!! You wanna see fuckin' crazy?! You'd better just step the fuck away or you're gonna see fuckin' crazy!
JJacqueline
[to Sheila] You're, cabbage!
I know this has to be very upsetting for you, Kyle.
[enunciating] What am I, Mom?
When I got pregnant with you, Kyle, your father and I were living with my parents in Newark. We knew we had to get out. Neither of us wanted our child to be from Jersey, so we moved. As far away as we could. But now I realize you can take the fetus out of Jersey, but you can't take Jersey out of the fetus.
[getting scared] What are you saying?!
I'm saying that for the first two months I carried you in my stomach, I lived in Newark. Technically, you are from Jersey.
[looks at his new look] NO! I don't wanna look like this!
It isn't so bad, Kyle. A lot of people think the Jersey look is nice.
[walks by and looks]
IIke
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! [faints on his back]
I can hide it! [hops off the bed] Nobody ever has to know! [puts his hat back on and walks out the bedroom door] I can't ever let anybody know!
What the hell are you guys doing?
Tryin' to help. My dad says to distribute all these guns.
[points to Kyle] And we're just gonna let him stand around here? He's one of them. He could easily be a spy!
I told you, Cartman, I'm not one of them. I don't wanna live in West Jersey any more than you do!
Overcompensating a little, aren't we, Kyle?
That's enough.
Your blood is tainted with the three J's! Jewish, Jersey and Jinger! Admit it!
No way, dude! I'm NOT one of them, okay?! I'm not going to tell you my secret!
(Randy interrogates the Situation guy strapped to a chair)
Alright Mr. Situation, we'll try this again! Why are you people doing this?!
SThe Situation
Well I told you, it's uh just a Jersey thing.
(In response, Randy punches him hard on the left cheek)
What does that mean?!
SThe Situation
You just don't understand. It's uh it's just, just a Jersey thing.
(Randy punches him again, kicks him with the left foot, punches him with the left hand, kicks him on the side of his head with the right foot)
Stop playing stupid!
Maybe he really is stupid, Randy.
[to Jimbo] Nobody's this stupid! [to the Situation guy again] What are you people planning?!
SThe Situation
It's just a Jersey thing, you know? Ya, you just gotta be from Jersey to get it.
[to the townspeople] This is where we make our stand! South Park will never be west Jersey! [the townspeople cheer, all ready for battle; waving a flag reading, "No Jersey"] FUCK NEW JERSEY!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.