Wait up, Eric, we need to stay together. (her phone rings) Oh, hold on boys, that's my cell phone. (takes it out of her purse and answers it) Hello? Yes. Oh, that's great! (to the boys) Boys, they found Clyde! (Cartman starts to panic) He's okay!
KyleOh, awesome!
...yes, Eric Cartman is with us. Why? (she starts to get furious) Oh, really.
Kyle
What?
Yes, I will certainly let him know! Thank you! (hangs up) Well, it appears that Eric here is responsible for Clyde missing, because HE wanted to go to Casa Bonita.
Kyle
What?!
Eric, the South Park Police are already on their way here to have a little talk with you!
Kyle
I should have known better! You never cared about my birthday at all!
But I... (turns back and holds Kyle) Stand back!
Cartman, you don't have to do this.
I am going to Casa Bonita! (the boys hear police sirens)
Kyle
It's too late, fatass, they'll be here in less than a minute!
Ah...nyah! (throws Kyle and runs inside Casa Bonita in a state of panic) Less than a minute! Less than a minute!
Kyle
Cartman!
Kyle
Dude, that new kid is such a douche.
Yeah, somebody needs to put him in his place.
He's a pecker-face, that's what he is.
[unsure] W-—maybe he won't fight.
Will he bleed? That's all we care about.
Kyle
Come on, dude, somebody needs to wipe that buckskin smirk off his face.
Alright, I'm going to go kick his leg. [leaves to do so]
Yeah, go Stan! Go Stan! ...alright, I've got five bucks on the other kid, who wants in?
Hey, Wendy! You're a bitch. Token, [flips him off] right here, buddy.
[Token and Wendy walk off angrily]
Kyle
Oh, dude. It's good to have you back.
[to Kyle] YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!
Kyle
What?
Everyone's gonna be charitable, and give money to your family instead of buying Christmas presents! YOU FUCKING JEWS RUIN CHRISTMAS AGAIN! [screams and charges Kyle. Stan and Kenny rush forward and pull him back]
It wasn't enough for you people to kill Jesus, now you have to kill Christmas too, huh!?
City Wok. Mr. Tuong is sitting in an empty restaurant
Mr. Tuong{talking to himself}: Stupid Christmas. No one eat Chinese food.
Phone rings
TMr. Tuong
Oh boy, some business! Picks up phone Hello, Shitty Wok, wanna try our shitty pork?
Broflovski residence. Kyle called
Kyle
Sorry, I must have called the wrong number. I was looking for City Airlines.
TMr. Tuong
Oh right. One moment please. I will put you through.
Mr. Tuong puts on pilot's cap and flips over sign. City Wok now reads City Airlines
TMr. Tuong
Herro, Shitty Airlines!
Kyle
We need to go to Canada. As soon as possible.
TMr. Tuong
Ooh, Canada. Okay. That's pretty far. Gonna cost a Lotta money. Let's see. How many people?
Kyle
Four.
TMr. Tuong
Okay. [under his breath] Four people...Canada...cost a Lotta money... [normal] It's gonna be about, uh, 6,500 dollars!
Kyle
How 'bout 50 dollars?
TMr. Tuong
Fifty dollars?! You fry to Canada! Cost at least three thousand dollars!
Kyle
55 dollars.
TMr. Tuong
Hey stop wasting my time with fifty five dollars. No way I take my plane to Canada for ress than 1,000 dollars!
Kyle
Okay. 60 dollars.
Kyle
Okay.
TMr. Tuong
Okay, meet me Park County Airfield, Yellow Sesnut, Tair Number 432-G.
Kyle
Got it. [Both hang up phone]
TMr. Tuong
[slight pause] He he he. Never try to barter with a Chinese man!
TMr. Twong
Hello, welcome Shitty Airline!
Oh no, no, no, no, I am not flying in that thing.
Kyle
Why not?!
'Cause, dude, I'll fucking die!
Kyle
You're not gonna die, Kenny, don't be stupid!
You guys get Ike. Kenny and I will stay here and watch the fort.
No, you're both coming. Do you care about Christmas or not?
Of course I care about Christmas! Oh, Christ on a stick!
RPRick, the Proud Canadian Mountie
Alright boys, prepare yourselves. We're about to enter French Canada.
Kyle
French Canada?
FCFrench Canadians
[singing] There's no Canada like French Canada, its the best Canada in the land! The other Canada is hardly Canada; if you lived here for a day, you'd understand!
Oh, ha ha! Welcome to French Canada!
HPHockey Player
We have everything your heart could desire! Trapezes, trampolines, and lots and lots of cheese!
AArtist
Would you like a mustache?
RPRick, the Proud Canadian Mountie
Just stay calm, boys. French Canadians are a little odd.
Uh, we're just passing through to see the new Prime Minister.
Well first, you must answer that phone. [miming a phone call] Ring ring, ring ring.
Kyle
We don't have time for this.
You cannot pass through French Canada unless you take that phone call! [miming a phone call] Ring ring, ring ring.
Kyle
[grudgingly playing along] Hello.
Hello! If you are going to see the new Prime Minister, then I want to go with you! He has passed a new law forbidding us French Canadians to drink wine!
AArtist
How can the French not drink wine?! Travestie!
Kyle
Okay, you can come with us.
Ha ha, very good! Let us make haste!
FCFrench Canadians
[singing] There's no Canada like French Canada, its the best Canada in the land! And the other Canada--
--is a bull shoot Canada!
FCFrench Canadians
[singing] If you lived there for a day, you'd understand!
I think you'd understand. You understand.
Kyle
Can we just get going please?
Yeah sure, there's just one problem.
You folks are going the wrong way.
What?! But I thought there was only one road in Canada!
Yeah, and you all went the wrong direction on it.
RPRick, the Proud Canadian Mountie
Oh, that's right! Ottawa is that way!
Of course! Ottawa left, Newfoundland right!
[Cartman's watch goes off]
It's Christmas. We officially missed it. It's Christmas day and...I'm in Canada.
Kyle
Well yeah, but I-I got my brother back!
Yeah, you got your brother back, but I didn't get any presents! And what did I tell you, Kyle? [takes off his mittens] I told you if we didn't make it back in time for Christmas I was going to whoop your ass, didn't I? [takes off his coat, bunches it up, and throws it aside]
Kyle
Dude, come on.
Well, now you're going to get it, motherfucker! That's right, you and me, right now; we're having it out! Let's go! Come on! Come on!
[Kyle lightly slaps Cartman, causing him to enter a daze; he snaps out of it and wails uncontrollably]
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!
RPRick, the Proud Mountie
Hey, come on boys! You can spend Christmas with us, Canada style!
[After Stan's attempt to remove the ninja star]
Kyle
Stop, dude! You're going to scramble his brain!
Go ahead and scramble it, then he won't remember it was us.
Kyle
We were taking him to the vet until you fracked it all up! Butters!
[uninterested] Yeah, a little. Butters!
Oh, shit. You guys are in trouble. We're out of here!
No, dude! You got to help us find him!
We're in this together, Craig! If Butters tells on us, we're going to tell on you; that's the ninja code!
South Park · 1,569 quotes
