Kyle Broflovski quotes from South Park

Well, goodnight everybody. It sure has been great bringing you a hundred episodes.

We want to thank our guests, the pro-war people and the anti-war people.

Token

What the hell are they doing now?

Kyle

[face palm] Ah, I don't know.

For the war, against the war- who cares? One hundred episodes! [Randy and Skeeter dance on stage as they finish the song]

Kyle

I hate this town. I really, really do.

Kyle

Dude, who the hell is Mitch Conner?

Cartman

I don't know, Kyle, all right? Look, I don't care what you guys believe. But with all the crazy stuff that goes on in this town, isn't it possible, just possible, that something I don't understand happened here?

Kyle

All right, I guess it's possible.

Cartman

Ha ha ha! I got you, kind of! I got you, kind of!

Kyle

What is a "meth lab", anyway?

Stan

I don't know, let's just hurry up, I wanna get home in time to watch Crime Drama.

Stan

Uh, police, open up. [aside to others] Oh crap, did you guys do your math homework?

Kyle

No, dude, I totally spaced it.

YOU DIE, PIGS! [fire more shots] YOU WANNA DIE, HUH?!

You won't take us alive!

So long, coppers!

Oh, shit! [screams]

Stan

Damn.

One UPS vehicle valued at twenty-five thousand dollars, one civilian vehicle valued at sixteen thousand dollars, the second floor of the post office and a coffee shop valued at sixteen thousand dollars! The mayor's going to have my ass!

Stan

Uh, sir, we just kinda got blind-sided by the--

You got careless! Now, I don't know how they do things down at that dog-and-pony show they call the fourth grade, but here, we have rules! Jesus, we don't have guys to question now, because you killed them all!

Kyle

We're sorry.

One more slip-up like that and I'll have your badges! You hear me?! Now hit the showers!

The answer is no, Kyle.

Kyle

Oh, come on, dad, stop being such a Jew!

Sheila

Kyle! Don't belittle your own people.

Kyle

We're not letting you back in our band, Cartman, fuck off!

Cartman

I don't want to be in your crappy band, guys.

Cartman

[yawns] Oh God, memorial services are sooo boring.

Kyle

[jabs Cartman and says in hushed tones] You insensitive as-hole, Cartman! Nine people died!

Cartman

Yeah, but like, eight of them were hippies. Mostly hippies go to farmer's markets. Mostly.

Cartman

The poor kid passes it to the Jew, the Jew shoots. Oh, and the shot is blocked again, proving once and for all that Jews cannot play hockey!

Kyle

It's not fair! Cartman's fatter than the goal!

Cartman

I'm not fat, I just have a sweet hockey body.

Stan

Dad, why is everyone letting the old people do this? Why doesn't somebody stop them?

They've tried to stop them, son, but the seniors get up so early in the morning they...get everything done before everyone else is even awake.

Kyle

They're saying something about taking over the whole country!

Yes... And now seeing how early they get up, I don't see how anyone can stop them. Wait a minute! You boys! You get up almost as early as they do. You can fight them.

Stan

No, come on dad! Can't you guys do it?

No, son, we...like to sleep in.

Kyle

You guys! I have awesome news!

Cartman

You have AIDS?

Kyle

It's like the Disneyland of Mexican restaurants!

Cartman

This Saturday awesome!

Kyle

Who said I'm inviting you?

Cartman

Your mom said you are taking 3 friends.

Kyle

Yes. 3 friends. You're not my friend.

Cartman

Come on, Kyle, who are you going to invite besides Stan and Kenny?

Kyle

I'm going to take Butters. He invited me to his Birthday last month so I owe him one.

Cartman

Butters?!! You're going to take him? Why?

Kyle

Because Butters is nicer than you!

Cartman

I have never been a dick to you!

Kyle

Oh please! All you ever do is call me names and rip on me for being Jewish!

Cartman

Kyle, when is the last time I rip on you for being a Jew? [flashback clips occur from when Cartman rips on Kyle for being Jewish on other past episodes] ...OK, expect maybe for that one time.

Kyle

You've always been a dick to me Cartman, and I'm not inviting you.

Cartman

Kyle, You don't understand. Casa Bonita is my most favorite place in the whole world. I'll just-I'll just die if you don't take me, please!

Kyle

Sorry, my mind is made up.

Cartman

[exploding and flipping Kyle off] WELL FUCK YOU, KYLE! I DON'T WANT TO GO TO YOUR FAGGY BIRTHDAY PARTY ANYWAY! I'D RATHER HANG OUT AT HOME THAN HAVE TO BE WITH YOU AND YOUR JEW MOM ALL DAY! KISS MY BALLS, ASSHOLE!

Cartman

Dude, I totally didn't mean that, Kyle. I really, really wanna go to Casa Bonita. I'm sorry we had that fight just now. I mean, I said some things, you said some things, but I think it was good, and we've moved past it.

Kyle

I'm not inviting you to Casa Bonita.

Cartman

[exploding and flipping Kyle off again] WELL FUCK YOU, KYLE! I HOPE YOU DIE! I HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE!!!

Cartman

Hi, Kyle.

Kyle

That isn't it, Cartman.

Cartman

What isn't it?

Kyle

That isn't being nice, that's just putting on a nice sweater.

Cartman

I don't understand the difference.

Kyle

I know you don't. [closes the door]

Cartman

Take that Jimmy and that! DON'T YOU DARE TALK BAD ABOUT KYLE AGAIN! KYLE'S MY FRIEND AND IF YOU SAID IF YOU HAVE SEX WITH KYLE'S MOM I WILL LET YOU REALLY HAVE IT! DID YOU HEAR ME?!! Oh. Hey, Kyle.

Kyle

Do you really think beating up handicap kids is being nice?

Cartman

Hey Kyle! Knock knock, Kyle! Knock knock!

Kyle

Yeah Casa Bonita this Saturday!

Wow, that's going to be so great!

Stan

Yeah. Just the four of us.

Kenny

Yeah!

Cartman

Hey, Kyle.

Kyle

Well.

Cartman

Well, what?

Kyle

How are you going to get invited to Casa Bonita this time?

Cartman

I'm not Kyle. I already know you told Clyde he can go.

Kyle

Oh. Well, I did.

Cartman

So fine, Kyle, but honestly I never meant to treat you as you don't matter at all to me. I know we argue all the time and I give you tons of crap but we also have been through a lot together. Maybe that alone doesn't makes us friends but it makes us something. So fine, Kyle, I hope things will be cool.

Kyle

I'm still not inviting you to Casa Bonita.

Cartman

I know, Kyle. I'll see you later.

Kyle

Hey, Cartman? You really sure you don't care if you can't go?

Cartman

I care sure, but I hope it doesn't mean you, me, Stan and Kenny can't hang out anymore.

Kyle

That's what I wanted to hear from all along. I still have to take Clyde, but I hope things can be cool to.

Cartman

Sure.

Kyle

Hey, if for some reason Clyde is unable to go you can take his place.

Cartman

Sweet whatever! [Walking away from Kyle] Bingo!

Kyle

Where is Clyde? We are supposed to leave 40 minutes ago.

Sheila

Well, I think we should be going without him Kyle because it's getting late.

Kyle

Yeah, screw him. Let's go.

Kyle

Oh, finally!

Cartman

Happy Birthday, Kyle. I just came to stop here to you your present.

Kyle

Oh. Thanks dude!

Cartman

Hope you have a good one, I'll see you later.

Kyle

Oh wait, Cartman.

Cartman

Yes?

Kyle

Clyde didn't show. You want to go to Casa Bonita with us?

Cartman

Clyde didn't show? I can't believe it. Are you sure you told him the right time and everything?

Kyle

I told him 5:30 and he we got to get going. Are you in?

Cartman

Well I should be going home to get my no I have everything I need lets go.

Kyle

Alright let's go.

Sheila

Okay, boys, get in the car.

Cartman

Casa Bonita, here we come.

Sheila

Oh Hello, Mr. Donovan.

Hello, everyone. Have any of you seen our son?

Kyle

Clyde is supposed to go with us to Casa Bonita Tonight.

We know but he hasn't been home since last Night. The police been looking everywhere, but well, thank you. Please let us know if you find out with anything.

Kyle

Dude weak.

Cartman

Yeah, man That sucks about Clyde. Well, let's get going, shall we.

Kyle

Nah. Dude, I can't go to a birthday party while Clyde is missing.

Stan

Yeah, it's kind of weird.

Cartman

Yeah, Yeah. I think you're right but on the other hand I think Clyde would want us to go. You know Clyde.

Kyle

Nah, I can't. We should help look for him.

Stan

Yeah.

Sheila

That's very good of you boys. We can postpone Casa Bonita till next Saturday.

Cartman

Next Saturday?!! I'll never be able to keep Clyde down in the depts of my heart for that long. I sure he shows up he turns up before then.

Stan

Dude we should check over at Stark's pond Clyde always hangs out there.

Kyle

Yeah and we should try the football field.

Sheila

I'll drive you boys.

Cartman

OH God damn it. I'm going to try to keep Clyde down in that Bomb Shelter for a whole week.