Stan Marsh quotes from South Park

Stan

Hey kid, you're pretty good. How would you like to join our dance troupe?

You mean dancing without a machine telling you what to do?

Stan

Yeah.

That's stupid.

Stan

But that isn't the point, Butters, the point is that this is now! It's on, and there are people who need you to step up. Look, nobody likes having to rise to a challenge, but competing against other people and getting in their faces and saying "ha ha, I'm better than you" is part of life. And if you can't face that, then you might as well sit here playing with Lego until you're an old man.

Butters

Get out of my room, Stan.

Stan

Fine. But one day you're gonna have to stop running from what happened and deal with it, otherwise you might as well move to France with all the other pussies. [leaves Butters's room]

[as Stan returns home] Well, there he is. Where have you been all afternoon?

Stan

I was over at the new neighbors, the Jeffersons.

Oh, are they nice people?

Stan

Yeah, it's just the dad and his son.

Well, we're supposed to have the Broflovskis and the Stotches over for dinner tonight. Maybe I'll invite Mr. Jefferson too.

Cartman

Mr. Jefferson, I wish I could be around you all the time. You're awesome.

I think you're awesome too, Cartman.

Cartman

Yeah?

Yeah.

Cartman

Yeah?

Yeah.

Cartman

Yeah? [they move in for a kiss]

Stan

[waking up] Aaaaagghhh! [looks round to see Cartman asleep and facing the ceiling and not Mr. Jefferson]

[opens his eyes] What's the matter, Stan? You have a bad dream?

Stan

Yeah, a really bad dream. [shuts his eyes] Oh, Jesus.

Wee look, he can fly.

Kyle

Jesus Christ, dude!

Stan

[yelled] Stop, you fucking lunatic! [While Kenny tight his hoodie jacket]

Glack dadk?

Stan

Can you speak in present-day English, please?

Oh. Oh... [with difficulty] Can I help you?

Stan

[frustrated by this point] I'm trying to order a double cheeseburger!

[with difficulty] Chic-ken san'wich? [points to the chicken sandwich sign]

Stan

NO, NOT A CHICKEN SANDWICH! [Randy and Sharon enter the restaurant as he starts losing his temper] I WANT A GODDAMN CHEESEBURGER AND SOME GODDAMN FRIES, YOU FUCKING GOOBACKS!!!

[sharped] STAN MARSH!

Stan

[realizing he's busted] Aw--awwww!

Oh my God. THEY TOOK MY JOB!

Stan

Dey took yer jahb!

Stan

Jesus Christ…Dad?!

Stan?

Stan

Dad, oh my God!

Stan.

Stan

What, Dad, are you dying?

No, I'm just really really tired. I was shopping at Wall-Mart all night.

Stan

Three tickets to Bentonville, Arkansas, please.

Cartman

Hey, guys, wait up. I want to go with you and help out.

Kyle

No way. You want to come with us so you can betray us at some point and keep us from destroying Wall-Mart.

Cartman

Nu-uh.

Kyle

Look. You want to come with us so that later I can go "Ha ha, I was working for Wall-Mart all along" or something.

Cartman

I am not, Kyle!

Stan

Dude, just let him come, the bus is about to leave.

Kyle

Okay okay..

Cartman

Ha ha, you fools have no idea that I will never let you hurt the Wall-Mart.

Kyle

Hey!

Cartman

What?

Kyle

You said that we have no idea that you are never going to let us hurt the Wall-Mart.

Cartman

That's not what I said!

Stan

Dude, come on.

Kyle

He's working for the Wall-Mart to stop us from succeeding!

Stan

Dude, we have to go.

Kyle

Alright. Cartman, let's blow this popsicle stand!

Stan

[off screen] Hurry up!

Cartman

He he, you stupid fools have no idea that I'm actually working for the Wall-Mart to stop you from succeeding!

Stan

Goddamn, that took a long time.

Kyle

Well, It would have been faster if Cartman didn't slashed the tires.

Stan

Dude, let's play firemen!

Kyle

Totally dude, let's play fireman!

Cartman

Jews can't be firemen!

Kyle

Shut up, fatass!

Cartman

Don't call me fat you stupid Jew!

Cartman

He's gonna kill us. We gotta tell our parents!

Kyle

We can't go tell our parents, dude! We lied to everybody! Nobody knows we're responsible for Ms. Claridge's accident!

Stan

Shh! Here comes Ms. Claridge now.

Hello, Ms. Claridge.

Stan

Are you having a nice day, Ms. Claridge?

Boys, you have to let him rest. Some mean kid gave him a Texas Chili Bowl.

Stan

What's that?

It involves Tabasco sauce, a telephone, and the anus.

The little critters cheered and Beavery said with a smile

How would you like to sing and dance with us for a while?

The boy in the red poof ball hat smiled and said...

Stan

(does not smile) Uh, no thanks, I'm gonna go home.