A character in Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow T. Robot
Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
Most-quoted character in Mystery Science Theater 3000: in 1,660 of its 3,167 quotes
Most scenes with: Tom Servo (818), Mike Nelson (376), Joel Robinson (271)
[Jody catches up to Melissa, who stares out over the creek.]
This is where the fish lives.
[Mike and the Bots snicker loudly]
Why did you run?
'Cuz this is where the fish lives.
I felt like it. I really wanted to fly, but I couldn't do that, so I ran.
[A pause.]
You're kind of an idiot, aren't you?
[Jody and Melissa draw together in a serious kiss.]
This is where my tongue lives.
[In Jody's 19th-century dream, a mob of townspeople gathers with torches and pitchforks, chanting "Burn the witch!"]
Oh, and "go Packers" too, but mostly burn the witch.
. . .
[Father Strickland is reading from the Bible (Job) to his family.]
"The wicked man travaileth with pain all his days..."
...said Madeleine.
"...and the number of years is hidden to the oppressor..."
Tsch. Bunch of crap.
"A dreadful sound is in his ears."
It's Paula Cole, I think.
"In prosperity, the destroyer shall come upon him."
[Strickland sees Lucinda fidgeting.]
What is it, child?
I thought I heard something.
Pay attention to the word of God.
For He loves you, and He may KILL you if you don't.
"Yea..."
"...team!"
"...the light of the wicked shall be put out..."
"...by ten-thirty…"
"...and the spark of his fire shall not shine."
Just take the old-fashioned photo, Dad!
. . .
[The mob of townspeople approaches the house, still chanting "Burn the witch!"]
What is it, David?
It's people saying "Burn the witch". Are you deaf?
Papa, what is it?
[irritated] People saying "Burn the witch"! Do you have any deductive powers at all?
[Over a shot of the forest]
[singing] But the trees can't hide their feelings if they like the way they're made...
[stern] Mike, stop it now.
...Sorry.
[Sam and Joe call McCartin's bluff about permits. He sits down, thoughtfully.]
After you load with water… you leave. Tonight!
The sooner, the better!
The tighter the sweater! / The boys depend on us!
Yay!
[The Bots reminisce about the Dorkin's Circus scenes during the endless military vs. Gorgo battles.]
I wish they'd get back to Dorkin.
Yeah! There was a lot of Dorkin at the beginning of the movie. They should show that some more.
Sure! I mean, who wouldn't rather watch Dorkin than this stock footage?
Yeah. I-- I'd just really, really like to watch people dorkin'.
D'oh!
Hey! Tha-- that doesn't even work!
[lewdly] Oh, it works, Mike. Heh heh heh.
That's enough, you two. Enough Dorkin! I--
[Mike throws his hands up in exasperation.]
You know what I mean. Stop it.
[The film is credited as "A Tjardus Greidanus Film".]
I understand everything up to the word "A".
He comes from a long line of great anuses.
. . .
That's an anagram for "direct to video!"
[A figure leisurely lopes through a graveyard.]
Well, I better get back to my grave; sun's been up an hour, I'm startin' to disintegrate.
. . .
Heh... you know, people are just dying to--
[sharply] No.
...Sorry.
. . .
[Troy visits his father's grave.]
[voiceover] Hello, Dad. It's been a long time. And I miss you. I want to know what happened to you.
I died.
[Troy enters his attic.]
Oh, this is where they get all the stuff to put in T.G.I. Fridays.
. . .
[Troy opens a trunk.]
This is where I've secreted away all my red sweaters.
Oh, boy. He's going to find out his dad is a rodeo clown.
I don't care if I'm too old. I'm getting my Batman pajamas back out of here.
. . .
Well, if I'm going to be a ventriloquist dummy, I'd better learn how to live in this trunk.
[Troy reaches in and pulls out a folder.]
Now I'm going to settle in with the Book of Mormon.
[He opens the folder and pulls out a picture of his dad.]
Larry Czonka!
[Troy continues to look inside and finds a bunch of old papers.]
Ew, shouldn't have filed that sandwich.
I've got to find the warranty on this sweater.
[One of Satoris' henchmen cuts through Troy's front door with a chainsaw.]
It's open!
. . .
Can I interest you in a replacement door?
What's your name, laddy?
Troy MacGregor.
I'm Rowsdower. Zap Rowsdower.
Yeah, well I'm Bill Shtinkwater!
[Rowsdower's truck starts up.]
Rowsdowermobile, away!
And together they fought crime throughout Southwestern Alberta!
[Rowsdower and Troy have lost the pursuing cultists.]
Do you have any idea of what kind of people you're dealing with?
They're from Saskatchewan!
No.
It's a cult.
They worship blue oysters.
They want to rule the world.
How do you know?
I've been around, kid.
And I've been a square kid.
D'oh!
Go to hell!
Or at least Edmonton!
[Rowsdower and Troy enter an abandoned shack, Pipper's house, and discover food inside.]
FOOD!
Yeah, no beer, though.
Hey! Who goes there?!
More FOOD!
What the hell you doin' here?!
We were eating your FOOD!
[Rowsdower is trudging up a hill]
Hey, how'd he get his pants clean?
Say what you want about the filthy, grizzled guy, he does a good load of laundry.
. . .
[singing] You got mud on your face, you big disgrace, shovin' those sandwiches into your face, singing...
We will, we will ROWSDOWER!
SING IT!
[Servo stops singing, but Crow keeps going.]
We will, we... [normally] Oh, guess that's over.
[The group sing as music plays and the credits start to roll]
Oh baby, Rowsdower saves us and saves all the world!
He comes to save the day in a broken truck.
With a stinky denim jacket on his back.
He couldn't help this movie, which really sucked!
But at least we didn't have to see him play [falters] h-hackey sack....
What?!
Sorry, I panicked.
Tom ServoKevin Murphy · 1,542 quotes
Mike NelsonMichael J. Nelson · 824 quotes
Joel RobinsonJoel Hodgson · 542 quotes
NNarrator224 quotes
JJonah171 quotes
GGypsy75 quotes
EEmily69 quotes
CFDr. Clayton Forrester57 quotes
PFPearl Forrester26 quotes
MMax22 quotes
KFKinga Forrester21 quotes
JPJack Perkins20 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.