[Shot of the Space Needle over a soundtrack of organ music.]
The only bathroom in the fair is up there.
CCrow
Well, I'm glad to know the future has CONSTANT ORGAN MUSIC!
Crow T. Robot
Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
Most-quoted character in Mystery Science Theater 3000: in 1,660 of its 3,167 quotes
Most scenes with: Tom Servo (818), Mike Nelson (376), Joel Robinson (271)
Scenes with Crow T. Robot 1,239
...All you'll have to do is give the telephone company a list of the numbers you dial most frequently. The electronic brain's memory will do the rest.
[The blond-haired, blue-eyed couple look at each other in excitement.]
CACrow [as nerdy guy]
The Führer will like that!
[A little girl phones her grandmother.]
GGrandma
Hello?
LGLittle Girl
Hello, Grandma?
CACrow [as little girl]
Where's my money?
[A Bell Telephone representative talks about future features as a video runs to demonstrate them.]
[voiceover] Want someone else on the line?
SAServo [as Customer]
No.
[voiceover] That's easy, too. Flip the switch button, then dial a code number and the number you want, and… presto!
Well, andante, maybe.
CACrow [as Bell Woman]
Soon you'll have all your friends hanging up on you and dreading your calls.
[In a promotional film from Bell Telephone, we see two dogs on a well-manicured lawn.]
[voiceover] It may even be possible to call and water the lawn during that dry spell when you are many miles away on vacation.
[The sprinklers are then turned on by telephone operated remote control, and the dogs run away.]
CCrow
Yeah, how do you like it when the lawn piddles on you?!
[Project head Dr. Wahrman confronts Brewster about the space blob.]
WDr. Wahrman
And what does it look like?
CACrow [as Brewster]
Well, it's got a good personality…
[McCreedy closes the bank-like vault door after Dennis is killed inside.]
SAServo [as Announcer]
Member, FDI-Murder!
CACrow [as Announcer]
Death guaranteed for up to 50,000 die! [N]
A surveillance monitor shows black-and-white footage of a slow-moving robber.]
CCrow
It's some guy sneaking around like a silent film villain!
[singing] Take on me...
DDaphne
[singing to "Everybody Have Fun Tonight"] Everybody have sex tonight!
Everybody throw up tonight.
CCrow
Ironically, no one in the band Wang Chung had sex that night.
[Army-trained Nick shows wimpy Kevin how to fight with garden tools, ruthlessly beating him.]
CCrow
So, does Hardware Hank have a major defense contract, or…?
. . .
[Nick begins repeatedly swinging his rake over his head at Kevin.]
He's also a black belt in Whac-A-Mole.
. . .
[Nick and Kevin continue to fight with their rakes, strafing past a coiled garden hose.]
Oh! There! Right there! Did you see it? The hose just out-acted them.
[Kyle's big-haired, leopard-and-lamé-clad floozy date pushes his car toward a cliff.]
CCrow
That is not a woman! That's David Lee Roth!
. . .
[Later in that scene, the car begins to roll off the cliff after Kevin's friend gets out.]
The car will do anything to get out of this movie!
[The car rolls down the cliff and explodes.]
CCrow
In an unforeseen tragedy, the two actors were not in the car at the time of the crash!
[Kevin and his friend watch the "flames" from the explosion.]
MAMike [as Kevin]
Look at that guy wave the gel in front of the light!
MMcCreedy
Did I ever tell you what I did during the war?
KKevin
No, what?
CACrow [as McCreedy]
Shot off my toe and got out!
[The farmer is repeatedly stabbed with a pitchfork.]
The American Gothic people take revenge.
. . .
[Fade to table of people laughing]
CCrow
[as if one of them were telling the last scene like a story] And then he died!
[all laugh]
[Jody chats with a gas station attendant, a small-town oddball cliché on two feet.]
AAttendant
That'll be six dollars, even.
CACrow [as Attendant]
Oh, and an extra dollar for the aliens in my head.
. . .
AAttendant
See, the way I got it figured, this job was done by one of them fromokaidal maniacs, and we ain't got none of them around here.
. . .
JJody
Yeah, well, nobody needs a fromokaidal maniac hanging around.
[Jody drives off.]
SAServo [as Attendant]
Is that right? I should check my dictionotomy.
JJody
This your pond?
[Lengthy pause]
CACrow [as Jody]
You can take your time, it's a tough question.
It belongs to my father.
JJody
Oh, does your father mind if people skip rocks across his pond?
SAServo [as Melissa]
As long as you don't hit his favorite frog.
[Another pause]
I don't think he's mentioned it before. That your car?
JJody
Yeah.
SAServo [as Melissa]
Mind if I skip rocks across it?
More Mystery Science Theater 3000 characters
All Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes →
Tom ServoKevin Murphy · 1,542 quotes
Mike NelsonMichael J. Nelson · 824 quotes
Joel RobinsonJoel Hodgson · 542 quotes
NNarrator224 quotes
JJonah171 quotes
GGypsy75 quotes
EEmily69 quotes
CFDr. Clayton Forrester57 quotes
PFPearl Forrester26 quotes
MMax22 quotes
KFKinga Forrester21 quotes
JPJack Perkins20 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.