CCrow
Let's see... if I were an arm, where would I hide? My sleeve, of course!
CCrow
[later, to Joel] What's buggin' that hand anyway?
Oh, he's got a personal vendetta against anyone with a full body.
Crow T. Robot
Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
Most-quoted character in Mystery Science Theater 3000: in 1,660 of its 3,167 quotes
Most scenes with: Tom Servo (818), Mike Nelson (376), Joel Robinson (271)
Scenes with Crow T. Robot 1,239
[Tom sneezes violently]
Bless you!
CCrow
Gesundheit.
You're not supposed to do that...
Radar Men from the Moon, Chapter 5 (short)
Robot Monster (movie)
[After the destruction of the space platform, Ro-Man addresses the human survivors]
RMRo-Man
And now, of the two billion, there are six. Calculate your chances. Negative, negative, negative.
CCrow
He's so negative!
CCrow
[roleplaying as the Great Guidance to Servo] Why not have you yet killed the Hu-Man (Joel)?
Because he gives me crunchy treats, and he empties my lode-pan.
CCrow
But he is Hu-Man, and unfit to live!
But he has a cute butt, and he can drive a stick.
CCrow
Nevertheless, he- wait a minute, he can drive a stick? N-Nevertheless, he is Hu-Man; YOU are Ro-Man!
[a moment later Joel meets up with the Bots]
Hey Crow, Servo. What's up?
Your number, I'm afraid! I must kill you, Mr. Bond; I must kill you now- [Joel hits Servo with a collapsible chair in self-defense] Whoa!
CCrow
Joel; what happened?
(It was) Servo, his reason circuits must've blown out. He tried to kill me!
CCrow
No, we were just doing a little role-playing!
[after Joel and the Bots have been left delirious by the film and present a "pageant" about the many contradictions of Ro-Man as a character]
CCrow
We believe these truths to be evident- and obvious.
Please give to the United Robot College Fund!
Because an internal hard drive is a terrible thing to waste. Think about it, won't you? [addresses Dr. Forrester and Ernhardt] What do you think, sirs?
Could I've sent a crazier guy into space? What in the name of Jules Bergman was that?!
Do you think [Joel]'s had enough up there? I think he snapped.
[Joel and the Bots watch exactly the same opening credits they've seen five times before.]
It is sort of hypnotic, isn't it?
CCrow
Hip? Not. Ick!
The Slime People (movie)
[After landing at a deserted L.A. airport, Tom Gregory tries and fails to get an operator on a payphone.]
SAServo [as Gregory]
Maybe I dialed wrong. Let me try again. Let's see… "zero".
CACrow [as Answering Machine]
Hi. This is the human race. We're not in right now. Please speak clearly after the sound of the bomb.
[Tolliver, planning a mocking exposé about the slime-people frenzy, leaves the car to find a typewriter in a building.]
TTolliver
Genius waits for no one!
CCrow
But stupidity hammers on deserted buildings.
. . .
[Finally encountering the slime people, Tolliver returns, cowering in the car.]
TTolliver
I… I've never seen anything like it!
Even in Tijuana!
. . .
[Cal turns around to avoid a crowd of shambling refugees, who then pursue them.]
Lookit -- they're all on their way to a George Romero film festival!
[As Gregory and Cal search for blonde Bonnie Galbraith in the mist-laden field, Gregory bends down to pick up something.]
GGregory
Look at this. Blonde hair.
Yeah, you can usually find a blonde hair in a field of wheat.
CCrow
At night.
In a fog.
[A severed head rolls past]
Oh, it's a spare!
CCrow
Gutter head.
[Korminski, speaking in his thick Russian accent, finishes his phone call.]
KKorminski
Yes, thees time, we can pay the bill, okay?!
JCJoel, Crow, Servo [as Korminski/Manuel]
Hch-okay, Mee-ster Fawlty!
. . .
[As Korminski walks off to load the ship, Hubbard turns to Capt. Kemp.]
HHubbard
That's Mr. Korminski, isn't it? Your engineer? What nationality is he?
CACrow [as Kemp/Fawlty]
[annoyed] He's from Barcelona.
[a scuffle starts to break out in a nightclub as Kemp turns off the facility's gravity as a diversion for him and Clementine to escape]
CKCapt. Kemp
If we're gonna play, we play by my rules!
CCrow
Yeah; but nobody knows what your rules are!
[Penny helps a farmhand lift a bale over the top of a fenced enclosure to another farmhand inside.]
CACrow [as Penny]
Hey, who's the guy in the cage?
SAServo [as Farmhand]
Well, that's my brother-cousin. He likes sody-pop.
JJane
Penny went up to the boss's house, and she's still there! And it doesn't take an hour and a half to sing a song.
CCrow
Maybe it's Aida.
BSBob Steele
That's the worst part about it -- she… she dies in a strange place without friends or anybody, and nobody even knows her name.
CCrow
She shoulda died at Cheers -- then everyone woulda known her name.
More Mystery Science Theater 3000 characters
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NNarrator224 quotes
JJonah171 quotes
GGypsy75 quotes
EEmily69 quotes
CFDr. Clayton Forrester57 quotes
PFPearl Forrester26 quotes
MMax22 quotes
KFKinga Forrester21 quotes
JPJack Perkins20 quotes
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