Attention! The Chinese have begun a new offensive. Command anticipate heavy casualties within the next twenty-four hours. This is a recording.
S10Pressure Points
Major.
Hiya.
First time I've seen you in your summer uniform.
This is the real me.
Sorry to hear that.
Every month there's a new procedure we have to learn because somebody's come up with an even better way to mutilate the human body! Tell me this, Captain: how the hell am I supposed to keep up with it?!
CCaptain
I'm only...
If they can invent better ways to kill each other, why can't they invent a way to end this stupid war?!!
S10Where There's A Will, There's A War
Potter (during a long OR session): I was transferred here seven days ago; seems like I've been operating for eight.
(BJ shouts for joy)
Watch the racket, Hunnicutt. This hospital is in a hospital zone.
BBJ
Hawkeye Pierce is alive and well and living at battalion aid.
How do you know that?
BBJ
He left his fingerprints are all over this guy.
What are you talking about?
BBJ
Who else but Hawkeye sews vertical mattress stitches with white cotton sutures?
SASurgeon at Battalion Aid
Did you finish your will?
All except my best friend. Wait, how did you know it was my will?
SASurgeon at Battalion Aid
I've seen a lot of those written here.
Captain. You really are alive.
Nah, that's just a vicious rumor.
What are you working on?
Just... catching up on some overdue paperwork (his will).
Get some sleep! If there's one thing I've learned from being company clerk, there's no paperwork that can't wait until tomorrow.
That's what I used to think.
S10Promotion Commotion
Ah, even in the sewer the cream rises to the top.
BBJ
You're the one who wanted to turn a guy down because he had a Z in his name.
BBJ
Corporal, what's the proper procedure for filing a morning report?
Yes, sir. The proper disposition of daily data, as per army regulation D252 Section R, Paragraph 6, is to fill it out, file one copy, forward the others, and faint if they actually get there. [The officers are stunned] Well, how did I do?
[They applaud]
Gentlemen, before we adjourn, there is the matter of one Corporal Elmo Hitalski, a most worthy and deserving soldier.
Him again?
Admittedly, he's not perfect. But who is?
BBJ
You're the one who wanted to turn a guy down because he had a Z in his name.
S10Heroes
RReporter
EEG?
Yeah, electroencephalogram.
RReporter
How do you spell that?
I personally spell it EEG.
Klinger (seeing that the press has taken over his office): Speaking of drawers and sheets, I was hoping to strip down to one and slip between the other.
S10Sons and Bowlers
Charles, one of the things I've always liked about our relationship is we never let sympathy get in the way.
Where I have a father, you have a dad.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's M*A*S*H pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.