[Bobby, Connie, and Joseph walk up to Wally.]
WWally
I believe you guys are first-time callers, so I'm only going to charge you a buck.
BobbyFor what?
Bobby
Why? Because beer's not TV-14? Set me up, my man.
[Wally hands Bobby a 40 ounce bottle of Alamo beer. Bobby is hesitant to take it.]:
WWally
What's the matter? 40 ounces for a buck is a good deal.
Bobby
Oh, yeah. I just usually drink 30 ouncers, but hey, it's the weekend.
[Moments later, The kids are in the bounce house, groaning drunkenly.]
Bobby
[huddling up against Connie] Come here. Jus' think, Connie girl, when we're grown-ups and marrieds, we'll get to do this every night.
Yeah, I want a house just like this-- with soft floors and plastic windows.
[staring at the ceiling] Look at the stars. There's... so many of them.
Bobby
Yeah.
WWally
You know the best way to sober up? Bounce around a lot-- get it out of your system.
[The kids try to stand up, but are too drunk to do so. They start laughing as Hank finds them.]
Bobby
Hey, Dad! I like beer! [immediately turns around and vomits.]
You, you, and you go home now! [Grabs Wally] You get the hell out of here! [Wally blows a puff of smoke at his face, and Hank drops Him to the ground.] That does it! [Storms up to Bill's house] I've had about enough of this Christmas crap! Bill! [to Bill] Dang it, Bill! Some of us are trying to raise kids in this neighborhood. Good kids. The kind that don't try to kill their parents in their sleep. Kids like Bobby.
Wally would never kill me. He told me so! That kind of communication is very important in a father-son style relationship.
What? Is that my belt Sander?
No. It's mine. Wally bought it and gave it to me as a present.
Yeah? Then why does it have the same serial number as my warranty card?
Bobby
I Did Ten Sit Ups And I Try To Do A Push Up Can I Go Back To Sleep Now
You Had A Chance To Sleep Last Night Mister But You Decided To Go Parting Instead Now Get A Rag And Start Washing Windows
Wally Was Not Your Family My God I've Thrown Out Propane Tanks It Would Make You Better Son Than Wally
(outraged) You brought charcoal into our house!
I didn't know what it was! Luanne asked me to hold it for her, I thought it was drugs!
There's soot under my boy's nails. You don't get that from a clean-burning fuel.
Bobby
Then you don't get the rich, smoky flavor either.
Shut your mouth! Now, we're going to sit here and pray.
Bobby
How long should we stay angry at my dad?
Well... you know Bobby, I talk, tell you now, take it from me, man, that ol' life too short, man, you don't wanna hold no grudge, man. Talkin' bout, you let ol' bygones be bygones, man. Maybe two weeks, I don't know, probably three.
Bobby
You know Mr. Boomhauer, I can see why my dad is always quoting you.
Man, that, your daddy quote me? Got dang, ol' man. Maybe just, don't, make, make it a one week.
[Hank practices boxing with Bobby]
You leave your face open, you're gonna get popped. See? Pop! Pop! Pop!
[Bobby kicks Hank in the crotch]
Bobby
You left yourself open, Dad. Pop pop!
Bobby
Um, alright guys. The girls aren't here, you don't have to pretend to be tough. Oh! [Chane pushes him to the ground] Come on. Uh, I live next door. All I have to do is scream and my dad will be on you like flies on pie.
CWChane Wassonasong
If you eat some dirt, then maybe I'll leave you alone.
Bobby
But, I don't want to eat any dirt. Well, maybe just a little. (He pretends to eat dirt) Yum, that's good dirt.
CWChane Wassonasong
You didn't eat any.
Bobby
DAD! DAD!
Bobby Hill
Is that my dad [on the phone]? Ask him if he's gonna be late if I can have his pork chop.
Bobby, you'll be eating your father's pork chop every night for the rest of your life. Wait. That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. Retraction! Bobby, you will not be having your father's pork chop tonight, or any other night! You hear me Hank?! Bobby's not eating your pork chop!
Bobby
"I'm sweet on you, Connie! I'm your little candy man!"
Bobby
(When Connie referred to Bobby as 'just a friend) "Don't use the 'f' word on me, not me; This is your cuddle monster talking."
SDStuart Dooley
(To Bobby) "You shot her in the eye."
"Oh, gross! You licked it!" (runs off, Joseph puts down his drink)
(to Bobby) "What are you doing? You're ruining my party." (takes Bobby's toy bow)
Bobby
(to Joseph) "What?! You wouldn't even be having this party if it wasn't for me. You'd just be sitting alone going, 'Dude, like, eh... I'm so bleah."
"Come on. Get..." (tries to push Bobby out)
Bobby
"Watch it. You're pulling off the wings! Let go! I'm not leaving! I am not leaving unless Connie leaves with me." (Bobby now gets in, trying to hold his grip onto the couch.)
(as he and the boys grab Bobby) "Come on. One, two, three. Get him. Get him." (Clark Peters lifts his fingers, carry him, and throw him over the fence, cheering. Bobby grunts)
(bringing over hotdogs) Okay everybody, 'dogs are up! Now Bill's in a rush, so he gets first crack.
BDBill Dautrieve
I'll be speedy! (starts to eat)
Hey, we've got ketchup, mustard, relish over there... (notices Bill eating all of the hotdogs) Jesus!
Bobby Hill
Woah, look at him go.
Bill, Bill! Those 'dogs are for everyone!
BDBill Dautrieve
(finishes eating all the hotdogs, and belches) That should do it. (leaves)
Bobby Hill
Wow! If there were thirteen more 'dogs on that platter, Mr. Dautrieve would be in the Guinness Book of World Records!
[when Bobby gets caught spray painting the fence with graffiti]
You! Inside! Now! [cues to inside the house] Dang it, Bobby! Your mother and I took our wedding photos in front of that fence!
Bobby Hill
Man, I'm just keepin' it real, dawg.
Hank Hill(To Dale): It's gonna take a lot of hard work to repair this floor, and since this is all your fault, Mister, I'm not gonna let you help me.
Bobby Hill
Can I help?
King of the Hill · 716 quotes
