Bobby Hill quotes from King of the Hill

Hank Hill

Clea: Huntress of--I told you to get an adventure book.

Bobby Hill

But it is adventure.

Hank Hill

(reading it) "The Elf-Lord Fylfendell knelt upon the bed of dandelions. 'Young wanderer,' quoth he, 'I have woven you a magic breastplate'"-- Bobby, television.

Hank Hill

(after Luanne explains Tae-Bo): Oh, it's dancing.

Bobby Hill

Hmm. That sounds --

Hank Hill

No.

Dale Gribble

I see the Buffalo, I see the Indian! (slows down) I am the Indian. (snoring)

Hank Hill

(groans) Dang it.

Joseph Gribble

Dad, where the Hell are you? DAD!

Bobby Hill

Your dad's not coming. He's rolling around on the ground and eating bark and my dad is screaming, "Dang it!" a lot.

Joseph Gribble

This trip is so... SUCKS! You know what the land is tell me? WRECK STUFF!

Bobby Hill

What are YOU DOING?!? THAT'S YOUR DAD'S SLEEPING BAG!

Joseph Gribble

HA! HA! LOOK AT IT BURN!

Bobby

[v.o.] Can you pick me up? I'm at the Mocha Bean!

Hank

The Mocha Bean? Right by the starting line?

Hank

You were gone all afternoon and you only walked half a mile?

Bobby

Maybe when it gets to two miles, it flips over.

Bobby

Dad I need new jeans. $100 ought to cover it.

Hank

What is wrong with the trousers you have? Did you make cut-offs again?

Bobby

No Dad, I am trying to fit in at school. This is what the in-crowd wears.

Hank

No way I am spending $100 for some asinine jeans that look like someone is too lazy to break them in.

Bobby

So that is it? I do not have a say in what I get to wear.

Hank

Not when I am paying for it.

Bobby Hill

(wrapped around in guitar spinning by a ZZ Top guy) Do It Again, Do it again!

Hank Hill

Stop spinning my son!

Hank

Hey Bobby. How was the surf today? Did Boomhauer do his famous flamingo? That's when he stands on one leg, that's not easy to do, even on the ground.

Bobby

No, all he did was fall flat on his face and embarrass himself, and us by association, we didn't even get to ride the wave.

Hank

Boomhauer was embarrassed? I don't know what the heck's going on here but someone needs to get their asses kicked.

Bobby

Finally. Yes. Thank you. It's time to kick their local asses!

Hank

Bobby, language. But, yes. I am going to kick their asses.

Hank

[Presses his tongs into the steak cooking on the grill] Firm but with a little give. Yup, these are medium-rare.

Bobby

What if somebody wants theirs well-done?

Hank

We ask them politely, yet firmly, to leave.

Bobby Hill

Dad, I'm confused. So you should trust people until they betray you, and then try to blow them up?

Hank Hill

The only thing I'm guilty of is trusting you. Well, I'll tell you one thing: I may go to jail, but I’ve zipped my lips for the last time.

Hank

About that science teacher of yours, does he ever talk about, uh, going green?

Bobby

I don't know. Do you ever talk about propane? My point is, he talks about all the time.

Hank

When you open a pocket knife, you need to keep your hand...

Bobby

Ow!

Hank

You okay? Uh, you might want to hold your hand above your head.

Hank Hill

Hello.

Bobby Hill

Hello? That's all you got? Just what the heck is going on?

Hank Hill

What do you mean? We're finishing dinner. We'll be there to pick you up at 9:00.

Bobby Hill

Oh, really? Well, you might want to check your watch, buddy boy. It's 10:30!

Hank Hill

(realizes the watch was 10:30) Oh, my God. Peggy, it's 10:30!

Peggy Hill

(Gasps) Where's Bobby?

Hank Hill

Bobby, where are you?

Bobby Hill

I'm at the Get In, Get Out. I hope you're happy. I'm just prostitutes by panty hose!

Hank Hill

He's at the Get In, Get Out! (Peggy gasps and runs out to the emergency door.)

Emilio

What's wrong, Chef Bobby? You look paler than usual. Like scared mayonnaise.

Bobby

Oh man, my parents want a tour of the place, and I haven't told my dad that I use Japanese Binchotan coals to cook instead of propane.

Emilio

So what?

Bobby

Emilio, my dad loves four things in life: America, my mom, me, and propane, and when I was a kid, depending on the week, propane would be above me on the list.

Hank

So let's take a look at that propane setup.

Bobby

Uh, dad...

Hank

[noticing charcoal in the grill] Charcoal? Ohh, I get it. This is just for show. Lure in the out-of-towners. The propane's in the back, right?

Bobby

Dad, dad, dad! I use charcoal to cook. Not propane.

Dale

Here we go...

Hank

What? But we went over the different systems for hours over the phone! Those were some of the best times we ever spent together. Were all those "uh-huhs" you said after every point I made just lies?

Bobby

No, I considered propane.

Hank

Considered?! It gets worse.