Dennis Reynolds quotes from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Dennis

I'll tell you what buddy, I can help you out. I'm gonna toss a frame-bang your way. Here's how that works: I slip into your house one night while your wife is sleeping.. and I ease into her real nice. That way you're both cheating on each other and she can't clean you out.

Dennis

You bet your ass I'm wearing women's underwear!

Dennis

D: Demonstrate Value

Dennis

E: Engage Physically

Dennis

N: Nurture Dependence

Dennis

N: Neglect Emotionally

Dennis

I: Inspire Hope

Dennis

S: Separate Entirely

Dennis

We totally poisoned your asses!

Dennis

Yeah, we both got punked, Frank. We both got punked. These kids these days, I'll tell you what, they're nothing like we used to be back when we were in fraternities. They have no respect for anybody. Okay? They're like--they're like stupid little goddamn savages. I mean, I came in there, right, and I was polite and I was nice to them. I was cordial. And they completely goddamn disrespected me, little IDIOTS! IDIOTS! I was completely respectful. They're supposed to be my brothers, right? They're my brothers? Nooo, no. That's not fun. What they were doing wasn't fun. They kept zapping us, and zapping us! IDIOTS! SAVAGES! IDIOTS! IDIOTS!

Dennis

I have a proposition too. Why don't you walk in front of me so I don't get your blood all over my feet?

Dennis

Without the sunglasses, Weekend at Bernie's would have been a very dark, strange tale.

Dennis

If you do not get my sister her stories and a new room as soon as possible, then I will come down on this hospital like the hammer of Thor! THE THUNDER OF MY VENGEANCE WILL ECHO THROUGH THESE CORRIDORS LIKE THE GUST OF A THOUSAND WINDS!

Dennis

Wolf Cola, everyone. It's the right cola...for closure.

Dennis

Goddamn it, Dee! Your back is so boney and crooked and all over the place, I can't get a flat surface!

Dennis

Sir Mix-a-Lot was not talking about women whose backs have recovered from a horrific spinal disorder.

Dennis

[in his fantasy after being shot directly in the head; he briefly reacts as if he had been merely punched, much to even the robber's and clerk's confusion] Shit. Ah, whoah! I dares it... I ders-darse-der... A crammy hand- a crammy handlebit. A crammy handle bit, ayeeee...... Der. [finally collapses to the ground]

Dennis

We're not missing that boat.

Dennis

You wanna go get a flute? Go get a flute. Yeah, go get- go get a flute! Everybody go get a flute!

Dennis

You're not getting this. We are not lovers. We're simply roommates, you see? It's not so difficult to understand. Not so difficult at all! Two men entwined only by the walls that house us and the passage of time, that is all. Nothing more. We are all classy men and women alike, but none more classy than me, refined and dignified and not the least bit abnormal in any way. I need you to see this. Yes? All is well and palatable and good. You must know this, and you must reflect it as such on the cards that you've been given. Do you understand? I need this of you. You must make it so. There was another show by the name of Family Fight and I was not properly represented on that show. And I cannot and will not abide another failure of that magnitude. [stutters] I just need you to see me as I-- as-- as I am! I-- I need this. I need this from you. I-- I-- I, I need this from you. Please.