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S5 E8

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia · Season 5, Episode 8

“Paddy's Pub: Home of the Original Kitten Mittons” quotes from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

8 quotes

“Paddy's Pub: Home of the Original Kitten Mittons” · Season 5, Episode 8

In this episode: Charlie Kelly (4), Dennis Reynolds (3), Mac McDonald (2), Sweet Dee Reynolds (1)

You drew a man's buttocks on a towel!

Yeah. You get out of the shower in the college dorm, they got the butt, right, people are laughing --

Oh, okay, yeah.

Your buddies are laughing. And then, and then you give 'em one of these. Boom.

Oh, that is big.

That's a big monster dick.

That's huge.

That's the biggest dick you ever seen.

Yeah, that's really --

Right?

That's not how you see yourself, though...

That's funny.

That is funny.

That's funny.

Yeah, people are gonna laugh at that.

But that's just a setup.

What is it?

For this. Ding-ding-ding!

Oh, it's a baby dick!

Yeah. We're gonna sell a million of these.

We are gonna sell a million of those, dude.

We'll do black ones and yellow ones, for the Asians.

Yeah, that...

This is probably more Asian than anything else.

Dude, yeah, oh my gosh.

Maybe a little bit more bush.

Well, you know what we should do? We should set up a website for it.

Already did it.

What? You did?

Dick towel dot com.

I'll tell you what buddy, I can help you out. I'm gonna toss a frame-bang your way. Here's how that works: I slip into your house one night while your wife is sleeping.. and I ease into her real nice. That way you're both cheating on each other and she can't clean you out.

We're both men of the law. You know. We get after it. You know, we jabber jaw, we go tit for tat. We have our little differences. But at the end of the day, you win some, I win some, and there's a mutual respect left over between us.

Hello, Charlie Kelly here, local business owner and cat enthusiast. Is your cat making too much noise all the time? Is your cat constantly stomping around driving you crazy? Is your cat clawing at your furnitures? Think there's no answer? You're so stupid! There is! Kitten Mittons. Finally, there is an elegant, comfortable mitten for cats…. I couldn't hear anything! Is your cat one-legged? Is your cat fat, skinny, or an in-between? That doesn't matter! Cause one size fits all! Kitten Mittons! You'll be smitten! So come on down to Paddy's Pub. We're the hoooooooommee of the original Kitten Mittons. Meeeeeeeeeeowwwww!

Guess who just found some investors for kitten mittens?

I told you, people love stupid shit!

Why do you keep calling it stupid, though?

It's really stupid. But people are stupid too, so...

These quotes come from Wikiquote's It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.