If we want to make money, we need to honor ancient Irish traditions, like serving an irresponsible amount of booze to people who are genetically pre-disposed to having alcohol problems. You see, Saint Patrick started that tradition, and that's why we celebrate him today.
Yea- no! That's not what he did! No, he-he played the flute for some kids, and then he lured them into a cave somewhere and he diddled them.
Nah, you got him mixed up with the Pied Piper.
Saint Patrick didn't play the flute. He drove the kids out of Ireland... and then he molested them.
No, no, if- if Saint Patrick molested kids, he would be regarded as a scoundrel.
No, no, no. I feel like, in the olden days of the Catholic Church, pedophiles were regarded as heroes.
Heyoooooo! Check it out, Mac, got some cool stuff! I got some green paint aaaand I found a snake.
You know, the snakes 'cause, like, we... I don't remember where we landed on St. Paddy, but I remember snakes were involved. And the green paint's for the, uh, beer.
Okay, love the snake. Great catch there, but why not just use food coloring for the beer?
Uh, 'cause beer's not a food? When was the last time you ate a beer?
When was the last time you drank paint?
[beat]
Have you been drinking paint?
Let me see your tongue. (Charlie sticks out his green tongue) Oh my God, dude! Oh, that shit's- that's disgusting!
You- you can't drink paint!
I know. I- I hear ya, I hear ya.
You say that, but I think that you're going to stop.
Yeah. I get it though, man, it's uh... right.
I- I feel like you're saying you get it, but you don't get it.
Oh my God, this is so frustrating!
Look, I'm gonna go down to the basement and I'm gonna check out my glue traps and see if I, y'know... get a leprechaun in there.
Wait, no, no, no, no. Wha-? We said no leprechaun this year, you're not chasing leprechauns.
I know, and I kinda forgot where we landed on that. I got these great cookie sheets, they're filled with glue, so... but I hear you. I hear you. It's a frustrating thing, it's like the guy doesn't listen to us, man, where we're trying to get through to him. It's a bummer.
