We're not missing that boat.
“The Gang Misses the Boat” · Season 10, Episode 6
In this episode: Dennis Reynolds (4), Charlie Kelly (3), Sweet Dee Reynolds (3), Frank Reynolds (2), Mac McDonald (1)
I- I used to be a cool guy, right, with a cool car hanging out all the time, and now I'm a- what am I? I'm a chauffeur to a bunch of worm-sucking idiots!
You?! What about me? I used to be a party boy who banged chicks all the time. You guys remember? But no-one was ever good enough for you, dude. So I got self-conscious and I stopped - because of you, I changed who I am at my core.
Mac, Mac, that is not what happened, okay? You are completely delusional. I mean- by the way, all of us have become so goddamn weird.
I think we're just hitting our stride.
Oh, you think we're "hitting our stride," Frank?
Yeah!
Really? 'Cause Dee's in a goddamn costume every other day! As a matter of fact, we all are; I think we have more costumes in the bar than we do kegs! I mean- wha- what if I said I wanted to become a man-cheetah right now? What would you do?
I'd go get the spots.
He's got spots! Why do you have spots- you shouldn't have spots! That's absurd, man. That's absurd... you know what? I actually- I blame you for most of this.
Me?
Yeah, because you came in here with your endless goddamn supply of money and financed all this bizarre behavior!
You were plenty weird before me. What about the underage drinking scheme? I wasn't even here for that.
But that made sense, Frank. It worked!
You know what? I gotta get away from you people, that's what it is. I-I- I fly off the handle every five seconds now.
You know what? I gotta get away from you people, you're all insane! I'm storming out!
Wha- don't copy me! I'm the one who's angry- GODDAMN IT!
You don't storm out on me, I storm out on you!
I'M THE ONE WHO STORMS OUT, I'M THE ONE WHO- Oh, OH, OH, yeah, no. Okay, you know what, that's fine. Storm out. Get angry. You guys be that guy, 'cause I'm not gonna be that guy anymore. I'm not gonna get angry and shit, I'm gonna cool off. I'm gonna go back to being what I was before: a cool guy who just hangs out and has a cool car. So, I'm not gonna storm out, but I am gonna leave. I'm gonna... leave casually.
[Charlie and Dee are alone in the bar]
...You want to get lunch?
Sure.
It's like- sometimes those guys make me do things that aren't really me, you know?
Yeah.
Like, okay, like- I kind of feel compelled to call you a bird right now and throw my glass of water in your face...
Right-
...But, uh, I'm realizing that I only do that stuff 'cause I don't want the guys to do it to me first, you know what I mean?
Of course I do. You know what I was about to do? Pretend that I had to go to the bathroom, and then I was gonna sneak out the window and just get out of here, 'cause I was afraid you were gonna do that to me first.
Oh, right, right, right.
Isn't that weird?
I was, though.
Oh...
But again, I think it was only- 'cause, like, that's what the guys would have done, and-
It's the peer pressure thing from those guys.
Yeah, right. Okay, well, forget the guys today. Right? They're not here, so, um... what do you want to do?
Uhhhh, let's see... I'd like to order my food in a German accent.
Right, right, okay, cool. Why?
I guess that's just, eh... I put all these expectations on myself to be funny all the time? You know, 'cause that's what people have come to expect from me, but that's not fair. It's too much pressure for me.
Yeah, right. No, I don't think anyone expects that at all.
Well, what about you? What do you want to do?
Okay! Well, I would like to get a chicken sandwich, but uh... I think I want to get the beak on the side? Frank's always making me eat it first, and... frankly, I'd rather eat it last, if I'm gonna have to eat it at all.
Ooh, I can help you here: instead of eating it last, you don't have to eat beak at all.
...oh.
WWaitress
Ready to order?
Ja, vell, I vould like ze... (Charlie shakes his head) I'm sorry, I would... like a chicken sandwich, please.
WWaitress
Okay, and you?
BEAK!
No-
No...
No.
...rrREGular chicken sandwich.
WWaitress
That's it?
That's all for him.
WWaitress
Okay.
...You did it! You did it.
God, I really wanted to say it!
I saw that you wanted to say it.
Yeah, yeah! Well, alright, this is good!
This is great. I'm very proud of you.
Look at us! Yeah... no beak.
Well, I was thinking somewhere in the ballpark of the original price, but, uh... considering the circumstances, I'm open to a reasonable discussion.
BBuyer
Alright. I mean, it is an amphibious exploring vehicle, so it should be fine, right?
...Yes. Yes, absolutely. It's nice to talk to a reasonable man, heh heh. Now, are you a sportsman? Because you look very fit.
BBuyer
Oh, I ski.
You ski? Oh, excellent, love skiing. Yeah. Do you travel a lot?
BBuyer
For work, yeah.
Europe? Eastern Europe?
BBuyer
Ah, all over, really.
And I assume you'll be taking the car with you on these trips?
BBuyer
Me? Oh, no. No, I'm- I'm looking for something for my daughter.
...Your daughter?
BBuyer
Yeah. You know, safe, slow vehicle. Good starter car.
...Starter car.
BBuyer
That's right.
...I have contained my rage for as long as possible, but I shall unleash my fury upon you, like the crashing of a thousand waves! BEGONE, VILE MAN, BEGONE FROM ME! A "starter car"?! This car is a finisher car! A transporter of gods! THE GOLDEN GOD! I AM UNTETHERED AND MY RAGE KNOWS NO BOUNDS!
Hey, listen, I want things to go back to normal, okay? I don't like the way things have become, and I want them to go back to the way they were-
Listen up! I want things to go back to normal! I don't like the way things are going, I want them to go back to normal.
What the hell are you doing, man?
I'm storming in.
I was storming in- what are you, a man-cheetah?
Yeah.
Cool.
You like it?
Yes!
Alright, good. I can't do this anymore, that last crew sucked on ice!
Okay, look, I like the man-cheetah thing, I want to go back to doing shit like this. Are you guys on board? I want to go back to the way things were.
Definitely!
Definitely want things to be normal again.
We should go back in time.
Can we go back a lot?
Okay, did you bomb and fail and bomb just like I knew you would?
Oh, yes. Yeah, that's all that happened, and nothing else happened other than that.
There was a poetry thing, it was bad.
There was a poetry thing, and SHUT UP, BIRD!
You shut up, you can't read!
[Everyone desperately laughs]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.