Narrator quotes from Hell's Kitchen

Brendan on the fish station is now ready to move onto entrées...

Sea bass is ready. Are we ready to go on entrées?

Pull it out now.

Brendan -

Yes, chef?

I haven't-I haven't called it. Who called the entrées?

...even if Chef Ramsay isn't.

Who fired? I didn't fire.

Yes, chef. Sea bass is fired, and it's ready.

What is going on? You cooked the bass. Is your meat ready?

No, chef.

And the garnish all ready?

No, chef.

You've got to work as a team! PLEASE!

(interview) Brendan, man he jumped the gun. You know, he's too busy trying not to fuck up and he forgets it's about communicating.

Okay, let's go for the first entrée together!

Yes, chef.

Timing!

Yes, chef.

Away now: One sea bass, one wellington, one New York strip, one prime rib.

Yes, chef!

Get another bass in!

While the Blue Team seems focused and united, in the red kitchen, Elise...

That's all we have?

Yeah, that's everything we get.

That's why I'm putting eggs on there, because it cooks down, like...

Could you stop talking to me like I'm your fucking child?

...has found someone else to agitate.

Whatever.

You need to calm down.

I am calm! I'm just saying...

Yeah, you're always talking back to me, and you don't need to talk back to me. [Carrie smirks]

...seems to have a problem with authority.

I'm here, you're here. Get it straight. Hello?

I heard you.

You're so fucking disrespectful!

[smiling with Krupa] I think this is the first time I smiled all day.

Cod, bass!

Oh, Jesus Christ! Sea bass is fucking falling apart.

Sea bass is what?

Sea bass fell apart.

Oh, boy. Scott.

(Gives Monterray on a lesson) When you take the fish out of the pan, you leave it on the spatula.

It fell apart. There's nothing I can do. It fell apart.

You leave it on the fucking spatula! Is that what you did?

No, it's not.

No, you didn't. So it's the fish's fault again?

No, it's not. It fell apart. There's nothing I can do. It fell apart.

There IS something you can do, because you should be fucking responsible enough to CARE! YOU'RE GONNA FUCKIN' LIE TO MY FACE AND TELL ME THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO!

(interview) I understand what he's telling me and I'm listening to him, but you ain't going to keep fucking cussing at me. I don't give a fuck who you are: Chef Ramsay, Chef Scott, Chef Andi. You ain't going to keep talking to me like that!

So don't sit here and BULLSHIT me and tell me that there's nothing you can do!

I'm not bullshitting you. I put it on- I have it. I'm putting it on there-

You've given up! Get- BULLSHIT! SHUT UP!

And Monterray has decided to go toe-to-toe with Sous Chef Scott.

All you have to do is bring it up, and it won't break!

I understand. I understand.

DO YOU?! Then FUCKIN' DO IT!

I'm positive.

Then DO IT!

Then it's done then.

Fuck you!

Well fuck you too then! [throws pan into the sink] You fucking serious, dawg?

(interview) When you fucking got too much pride and you wanna stand there and fucking cuss at Chef Scott, that's the motherfucker that needs to go home.

Pass me some goose necks, please.

(interview) Yeah, just shut him down and send his ass home right now. That's a done deal.

(on the wellington) Look at that. Chewed up to fuck. (on the lamb) And that? That's raw.

Yep.

It's pink. [returns to the workstation and throws his spoon away] Blue team, STOP!! (to Chino) Come here you, look at that. [holds the undercooked lamb] That is raw. [points the lamb fat] That is white fat, [takes the destroyed wellington dough] and what have you done to this? Wha-wha-what is that? So now, you've just fucked [knocks his hand on the workstation, and the word "me" was never heard] me!!

Yes, chef. Yes, chef. (interview) I feel like a dumbass, moron, idiot because I can cook better than that. It's just... It's embarrassing.

There you go. [tosses the tray on the floor] All of you, FUCK OFF OUT OF HERE! GET UPSTAIRS!

[leaves the kitchen] I'm so fucking pissed, it's not even funny. (interview) We suck. The way I look at it is, any time you get a service shut down, you suck.

(to Janet Evans & Mark Spitz) My apologies. In the last service, they were good. That’s what hurts.

You gotta fight for it!

Exactly.

After shutting down the blue kitchen...

Now I want to serve the chef table one lamb, one bass.

Chef Ramsay looks to the red team to deliver entrees to both chef's tables

Oh, come on. [returns to workstation] Stop. All of you, come here. What is that?

It's raw, chef. I just sliced into it.

Oh, really? I'd never guessed. So in front of (Misty May-Treanor and Jen Kessy) these ladies here, this is how we want to perform? Raw bass, overcooked bass. Raw lamb, what an embarrassment.

Sorry, Chef.

Why are you doing this to me? It's like being in a volleyball match and I'm the ball getting pounded.

(interview) I was just like, Oh, my God. It was bad.

Let me tell you something really important: SHUT IT DOWN.

After shutting down both kitchens...

I'd rather send something.

Oui, chef.

Chef Ramsay has Sous Chefs Scott and Andi make the entrées for the chef's tables. And after a disastrous dinner service, [both Red team and Blue team gather in the kitchen while Chef Ramsay is in front of them] Chef Ramsay sums up the evening with one word:

PATHETIC. So therefore, the winning team tonight is... NOBODY. Both teams, think of two individuals that could really make your team stronger... by exiting. [pause] Get out of here.

While Carrie starts from square one on her rice, Chef Ramsay...

[asks for snapper] Snapper, please.

...is waiting on Paul...

Where's the snapper?

...once again.

Yes chef, I'm pushing it right now.

It's fucking raw. [returns to the workstation] All of you! [angrily throws his spoon away] I'm- I'm struggling! The fish is fucking RAW! [knocks the workstation] IT'S THE SECOND TIME! And it's the committee's table! You can't do that to me!

Yes, chef.

(interview) Paul's crashing and burning on the fish station like a Titanic, you know? It's fucking going down.

(to Paul) YOU, OFF FISH!

[angrily slams his towel] Fuck!

Jonathon, Monterray! On the fish!

(interview) I'm like, "okay." (to Jonathon) Come on. Let's go, let's go.

Get a grip, guys!

Four to five minutes.

Jesus Christ.

Meanwhile, in the blue kitchen...

How long two bass, one chicken, one cod?

Walking now, chef.

Paul is ready with the blue team's first entrées.

What's he done? It's raw! (brief pause) Paul!

Is it raw chef?

Stop! All of you, come here! Paul just asked me, 'Is it raw?'

It's under!

(To Paul) Will you tell me? Just touch that! TOUCH THAT! [Natalie touches the chicken] ROMANTIC DINNER?! [throws his spoon away on the workstation]

(interview) It pisses me off because Paul knows better that. I mean... you just can't serve raw chicken.

(to Paul) Hey, chef! Let me ask you, is that raw?

Chef, its under. I got another one. I'll give it to you right now--

Hey, come here you! Answer my fucking question.

Yes, chef. It's raw.

GET OUT!

[loses his temper and throws his towel on the floor] Fuck!

Pink carnations, maybe. Pink chicken, no chance!

[angrily knocks on the wall with both hands; having throw tantrums] (interview) I fucked up on a chicken! I mean, I'm fucking furious at myself! [kicks his door to the dorms] Chef Ramsay, let me back in! Let me finish what I started.

Tommy, give that to Paul for his fucking romantic dinner. Upstairs, hurry up!

PUT THE SCALLOPS ON!

Shut up!

Vegetarian cap(ellini)?

Elise is ready with the vegetarian capellini.

Oh, Jesus Christ. That's not vegetarian. Elise! It's the-- Shut your fucking mouth! One capellini, no lobster.

I'm sorry.

Start again. Yeah, fuck off! I'm sorry you're here. You [points to Jamie] are like her. You just can't be bothered anymore!

No, chef!

(interview) Elise is one of those people that thinks that she's one of the strongest, but not tonight.

Entrées! [knocks his arm to the workstation; reads the ticket] One fucking vegetarian capellini, no lobster, just plain tomato sauce! Call out, chef.

[begins to read the ticket] Entrées! One vegetarian lobster capellini.

One more time!

Entrées is vegetarian lobster capellini!

ONE MORE TIME!! ONE MORE TIME!!

One lobster capellini vegetarian!

IS IT IN?!

Yes, chef!

WAKE UP!!

Yes, chef! (interview) I know Chef Ramsay is pissed off at me because I know respect so much more to me. I expect toward myself and I'm pissed off at myself.

(quietly, to Elise) A black jacket? You need a straitjacket!

While Tommy finishes what Chef Ramsay stared, over in the red kitchen...

Vegetarian cap(ellini). [brings to the pass]

Elise is ready to impress with her next oyster dish.

Let's go! [Elise presents the dish] Aw, come on! (Brief pause) In fact, you tell me chef, are they overcooked?

[after touching oyster dish] Yes they are, chef.

Come here you, GET OUT! Hey! Do you know what? You don't care.

I do care!

Look! Come here! Look, look! They're like bullets! Look at the water... Look at... You're going to say... You're going to say they're fresh and delicious?

No, chef.

Yeah, take that, take that and fuck off out of here! Eat them! Enjoy your dinner! Nice romantic plate of oysters for a little superstar.

(interview) Uaagghh...!!!

(to Elise) Bon appetit, princess!

(interview) I'm pissed, I'm embarrassed. The only way to get worse is if I don't have a chance to redeem myself because I know I can fucking do it.

Nearly two hours into dinner service, the women are stalled on the entrees.

[asking to the Red team] Chicken wellington, how long?

Five more minutes now, chef.

Christina Wilson

Five minutes.

And the men are still a mess with the appetizers.

I hope you're fucking proud of this, like a bunch of idiots here!

Come on guys, we need a down rally here.

(interview) Don is a living in his own world, he was wondering around not knowing what fuck not to do himself.

[holds the ticket] Two caesar salad, one onion tart, how long?

Onion tart working! Get on onion tart! Three right now! Three right now! [brings to the pass]

Check to see if they done, man.

Put the tray down. Put the fucking tray down. [checks the onion tart, sees that it's raw] Fucking RAW! [calling all remaining members of the blue team] All of you, ALL OF YOU!

Oh, shit.

RAW!

Fuck!

You (Chris Carrero) can't cook pastry. END OF THE DAY for me—GET OUT!!! All of you, GET OUT!

(interview) Never in my life having so embarrassed. Anybody who was on that line that wasn't embarrassed doesn't belong anywhere in the kitchen.

Two hours into dinner service and not a single entrée is left either kitchen, patience is wearing thin in the dining room.

I'm hungry.

We do apologize.

And the red kitchen is crumbling quickly.

How long is the bass?

Two minutes, guys.

A real fucking two minutes or a playful two minutes?

Christina Wilson

Coming through. Pardon me, Chef.

[sees the fish cooking] I've got six bass going. What?

Chef, I told them to start the bass. Because--

Six???

Yes.

They should be cooked to order! It's fish!

Coming down with scallops.

(interview) I don't understand why I'm getting yelled at. I'm trying to fucking put out food for the customers. I mean, I'm pissed off that he's mad at me.

Ladies, STOP! ALL OF YOU, COME HERE! (Tiffany) You're telling her (Danielle) to cook six bass for three tables in front of what we're doing. [points to Barbie's scallops] And then this arrives!

(interview) Agh! We're screwed.

For the seventh time, touch them! Touch them! (he touches the scallops, then the red team touches it) All of you, GET OUT! (Barbie) And you, take that with you, get out of my fucking sight, GET OUT! OUT!

Christina Wilson

(interview) God! Oh, my God!

Absolutely useless! [sees the mess that the Red team left] HOLY FUCK.

I got fish! I got fish you cocky bitch!

Don't you ever fucking call me a bitch again, you understand?

(interview) Barbie's the reason why we went down tonight. I don't know why she's fucking here!

THE TWO FISH WENT OUT- [Yelling]

And the lack of harmony in the kitchen has now exploded in the dorms.

FUCKING GET THAT SHIT!! [knocks the bottle and the soda can over with her hand] YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!!

What is wrong with you?!

Bitch, stop!

With no end in sight for the tension between Barbie and the rest of the woman, it seems the only time the red team is not fighting is when they're sleeping.

And as a new day begins...

...Barbie decides she shouldn't be the only one up early cleaning.

(interview) What the fuck is that?

(interview) Wake up.

I don't even make that much noise when I walk.

Do you want to rumble this morning?

I just want everybody to remember where they are and what we're here to do!

What are you doing?!

I just washed the dishes!

I came out here with you going like this, you dumb bitch! (interview) Somebody needs to tell that fucking bitch what's up! (to Barbie) You're about to get choked out, knock it off, grow up! You're 33!

I'm not about to get choked out!

(off screen; having heard the noise) YO! PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP!

You want to get fucking choked out? You want to get fucking choked out?! You dumb cunt! You're a cunt!

(interview) Shaking in my boots, I'm shaking.

I'm this close to snapping your neck.

Come on. Come on. Come on.

I know you’re this close to snapping, Robyn.

I don’t give a fuck, bitch!

I know you don’t!

I don’t give a fuck!

I know you don’t!

Hello?

(on telephone) Head chef here. I'd like to see everybody, with their jackets, urgently.

Yeah, Chef. (to all members) Everybody downstairs now.

With Guy and Clemenza coming to the rescue, salads are finally leaving the blue kitchen. Meanwhile, in the red kitchen, the women are ready to send out their first table of entrées. All they need is...

Pizza!

Barbie, pizzas need dressing. Oh, my fucking GOD! You're killing me! (interview) Barbie, you're a stupid bitch! Get the fuck off my station, I don't need your help. It's just garnishing the fucking pizza. [to Barbie] Barbie! Barbie, I need–Bro what are you doing?!

JUST STAND YOUR STATION!

Okay, got it.

(interview) She's moving around like a jumping jack and she's cooking pizzas when she's not supposed to.

LADIES! Where is the fucking pizza?

Pizza's here, chef!

[checks pizza with Sous Chef Andi] That looks like shit! [returns to workstation] Hey, all of you, come here! WELCOME TO AMERICA. Look at that. [to Barbie] You eat that bit now. [to Briana] Hey, come here. You eat that as well. That's what you're serving them. Burnt, shitty, black pizza. [throws pizza in the trash bin] I'd rather flee the fucking country!

[to Robyn] I'm so sick of this bitch (Barbie).

(interview) With Barbie the way that she is, I can't tell if she's sabotaging or if she's actually trying to help.

Get off the pizzas!

Yes, chef.

(interview) It's getting old! Seriously, Barbie sucks. She pisses everybody off, she needs to go home!

Three cod, two lamb. How long?

I have one cod left chef.

You ran out of cod?

Yes, chef.

What? Hey you, what in the fuck are you doing?!

It's an hour and fifteen minutes into dinner service and neither kitchen has sent out an entrée.

James?

[enters the blue kitchen] Yes, chef?

We ran out of cod. Can we serve the sea bass?

Yes, chef. [exits the kitchen]

Let's go. Three bass, two lamb.

Yes, chef. Coming right now, baby.

Hey! "It's coming, baby"??

Sorry, chef.

You COOK like a fucking baby!

Won't happen again, chef.

GET OUT! [slams his hand on the table]

Yes, chef. [bangs his hand on side of the oven as he exits] FUCK!

What's the matter with that jerk?!

[throws his apron in the dorms] Come on, man!

I'll take it from here.